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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> ALANON STEP 5
Post Info TOPIC: ALANON STEP 5
hotrod


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ALANON STEP 5
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EXPERIENCE

"Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."
-- Aldous Huxley

 STEP   5

 

ADMITTED TO GOD TO OURSELVES AND TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING THE EXACT NATURE OF OUR WRONGS

 

ONE DAY AT A Tme IN ALANON PAGE    171

AS I UNDERSTAND THE DIFICULT TASK OF FACING MYSELF AND MY FAULTS, I WILL GUARD SELF JUSTIFICATION AND SELF RIGHTEOUSNESS.  I AM WELL AWARE HOW EASY IT IS TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR MYSELF AND TO BLAME MY MISFORTUNES ON OTHERS AND PARTICULARLY THE ALCOHOLIC.

TO OVERCOME MY FAULTS I MUST FIRST KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.  THEN I MUST ADMIT THEM, AND THEN WITH PATIENT SELF CORRECTION DIMISH THEM.

 

MY SHARE

IT IS VERY INTERESTING THE WAY THAT THIS STEP IS OUTLINED.    I MUST FIRST ADMIT MY FAULTS TO GOD, THEN MYSELF AND THEN FINALLY ANOTHER.

 THE WORD ADMITS IS ALSO INTERESTING TO LOOK AT.  IT IS USED IN THE FIRST STEP as well.    FOR ME, IT MEANS THAT THE EXACT NATURE OF MY WRONGS IS SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN AWARE OF FOR A LONG TIME.  I did not admit them instead I choose TO, RUN FROM them, DENIED they existed, BLAMED OTHERS FOR the PROBLEM AND REFUSED TO OWN the ISSUES AS MINE.  I MUST LET THE INFORMATION that IS within   COME to the SURFACE OF MY INNER VOice AND LISTEN THEN I MUST OWN IT.  I must say:  YES this is what I do and why I do it INWARDLY TO GOD AND then to MYSELF.    ONCE I HAVE DONE THAT , SITTING WItH ANOTHER HUMAN  AND ADMITTING MY DEFECTS MAKES THEM MORE REAL AND ALLOWS ME TO SEE THAT I CAN STILL BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED---- DEFECTS AND ALL.

IN REVIEWING MY 4TH STEP a SERIOUS PATTERN OF THOUGHT AND BEHAVIOR BECAME very apparent.  In examining THE UNDERLING MOTIVES behind my actions I revealed how I had fooled myself all these years.  I did see that    IT WAS EASIER FOR ME TO READ MY 4TH STEP TO MY SPONSOR AND THEN TO HAVE US LOOK OVER THE DOCUMENT AND SEE MY PATTERNS AND TRY TO LEARN   THE NATURE OF MY WRONGS.  

THE NATURE OF MANY OF MY WRONGS WAS THAT I HAD ABANDONED MYSELF AND DECIDED EARLY ON TO TAKE CARE OF OTHERS AND THEN INSIST THEY TAKE CARE OF ME.  iT FELT SAFER   i DID NOT HAVE TO RISK MY SHAKY SELF ESTEEM OR EGO.

 I DID NOT FOLLOW MY DREAMS BECAUSE I WS AFRAID.  I was afraid THAT I WOULD FAIL and I could not risk failure.  I thought that if I HELPED YOU ACHIEVE YOUR DrEAMS THEN I COULD share this success and LOOK SUCCESSFUL.  THESE WERE NOT PLEASANT ITEMS TO SEE BUT IF I WANTED TO RECOVER IT WAS ESSENTIAL THAT I SEE THEM. OWN THEM AND FINALLY ASK HP TO LIFT THEM. 

I ALSO WANTED TO BE PERFECT   I HATED NEGATIVE EMOTIONS I WOULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF to FEEL ANGER, SADNESS, FEAR BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THEM and thought if acknowledged they would devour me.    I DENIED THEM AND PRETENDED ALL WAS WeLL.  THESE FEELINGS JUST BECAME STUCK INSIDE AND CONTROLLED MANY OF MY ACTIONS.   I HAD TO PERMIT MYSELF TO BE HUMAN, HAVE ALL MY FEELINGS AND LEARN NEW WAYS TO RESPONDED TO THEM I HAD NO SELF ESTEEM I HAD EGO AND PRIDE.  I WOULD WALK AROUND ACTING AS IF I HAD KNOWLEDGE AND INTELLIGENCE BUT TERRIFIED OTHERS WOULD LEARN THE TRUTH.  That tHERE WAS NOTHING BENEATH THE SURFACE.  mY sPONSOR ASSURED ME THAT THERE WAS Much UNDER THE NEGATIVE FEEELINGS I HAD STUFFED  ALL I COULD FIND WAS ANGER, RESNTMENT, SELF PITY AND FEAR  SHE TOLD ME THAt  I WOULD I FIND COMPASSION, LOVE UNDERSTANING, WISDOM, HUMLITY AS A RESULT OF WORKING THIS PROGRAM  what A WONDERFUL REASON TO CONTINUE.

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE.

 

STEP 5 QUESTIONS

1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself?

2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, and then report it after the fact?

3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?

4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God

 

 

 

 



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Betty
flopadopilus


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1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself? The first time was so freeing. It's time to do it again.

2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, and then report it after the fact? I call my friends and talk through things as I go through them.

3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say? I am avoiding issues with someone close right now.

4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God. I need to take better care of myself for sure. Healthier eating, exercise and just letting go more.


__________________

FLOP,

"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real

INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
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Hi Flop

Thanks for your honesty 

 Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year



__________________
Betty
NicoleDiver


Member

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Posts: 7
Date:
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1. Have you taken a formal Fifth Step? No.
What was the impact of that on your life and your feelings about yourself? Not applicable.

2. Are you in the habit of sharing yourself - who you are - with other people? I dont have any friends right now so I havent really talked to anybody in a couple of years. But I dont really have a problem opening up to people. I have found that I have to be extremely selective about those I talk to because I think a lot of people will use the negative stuff I tell them against me at some point in time. This has happened to me a lot and so I have developed some trust issues with people. I have gotten stabbed in the back a lot by those I have shared things with, and they have often used exactly what I shared with them against me.
When was the last time you called someone because you needed to talk about something? I cant remember doing that in the last 6 months.
Do you talk to people about what you're going through when you're going through it, or do you wait until you've resolved the incident yourself, and then report it after the fact? There is no one I trust to talk to about things right now. In the past I think Ive talked to people about the problem before resolving it.

3. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Not really.
Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Yes, I feel this all the time with everything. But I have no one to talk to. I talk to the Al-Anon board sometimes, maybe every other day or two.
Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say? No, I will face anybody. But I wont necessarily say what is bothering me. But I wont hide from them. Right now I am avoiding my AHs family because I am sick of their drama. They are all crazy.

4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? Yes, everyday it seems like I treat myself poorly, I am mean to my AH, or I get short with my daughter. Occasionally I am just plain rude to someone I dont know, someone I come across in public. But I am not usually rude to them without provocation. But I react, and I react with a vengeance.

You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God. At this point in my life I have absolutely no one I can go to and tell these things to. No one.

__________________
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
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Nicole

You have done great work please do not give up  You can ccall or email me I will PM my information to you



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Betty
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