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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step 6 Alanon
Post Info TOPIC: Step 6 Alanon
hotrod


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Step 6 Alanon
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IN ALANON WE BELIEVE LIFE IS FOR GROWTH-PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL

 

 

 

STEP 6

were ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER

 

I will pray for self fulfillment and through conscious effort makes some headway of being at peace with myself, WHICH is my ultimate goal embracing all others.

 

ONE DAY AT A TIME IN ALANON PAGE 172

THE SIXTH STEP IS AN INSPIRING CHALLENGE TO SURRENDER OURSELVES TO THE GUIDANCE OF OUR HUGHER POWEER. I WILL Read THIS SERENLY BEAUTIFUL STATEMENT OF SUBMISSION TO GODS WILL AS OFTEN AS I HAVE NEED OF IT.

MY GOAL WILL BE TO MAKE MYSELF ENTIRELY READY TO LET GO OF THE NEGATIVE HABITS OF THOUGHT THAT HAVE REFLECTED IN THE HAPPENINGS OF MY LIFE.god IS ENTIRELY ERADY TO ACCEPT THESE HUMBLE OFFERING TO HELP ME CHANGE TO THE KIND OF THINKING AND DOING THAT WILL BRING ME SERENITY, AND EVEN PERHAPS HAPPINESS.

 

 

MY SHARE

I WAS CONFUSED BY THIS STEP WHEN I FIRST CAME UPON IT. MY SPONSOR EXPLAINED THAT CHANGE IS HARD AND THAT WE ARE NOT EXPECTED TO MAGICALLY CHANGE PATTERNS OF A LIFETIME OVERNIGHT. ISHOULD CONTINUE GOING TO MEETINGS, READ MY DAILY MEDIATATIONS, MAKE ALANON CALLS, USE THE SLOGANS AND TRY TO REPLACE MY MOST GLARING DEFECTS WITH SOME OF THE TOOLS ALANON SUGGESTS. and pray. These are someof THE BEST Ways that I CAN MAKE MYSELF ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE MY DEFECTS REMOVED.hp ALSO Has A PART IN THIS AWARENESS.I SAW MY DEFECTS CLEARLY IN OPEATION.I SAW HOW MY SARCASM AND UNRELENTING EGO WAS AFFECTING OTHERS.IT WAS NO T PRETTY.here IS WHERE I LEARNED THE TRUE VALUE OF THE SLOGAN SAY WHAT I MEAN, MEAN WHAT I SAY AND NOT SAY IT MEAN.I ALSO BECAME AWARE OF HOW MY JUDGMENT AND INTERNAL CRITICISM HURT Me BY FEEDING MY NEGATIVE ENERGY AND MY DEPRESSION.WHAT A POWERFUL WAY TO BECOME ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE MY DEFECTS REMOVED.NATURALLY IT Was FRIGHTENING.I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD DISAPPER AND NOT RECOGNIZE THE PERSON WHO SURFACED.NOT TRUE ALL I WAS ASKED TO DO WAS TO MAKE MYSELF READY FOR CHANGE. WHAT A GIFT THIS PROGRAM TRULY IS.

Step 6 questions

What things are you willing to let go of?

Our tight grasp on people
Controlling
Manipulation
Our need to control and manipulate
Desperation
Our fears
Old feelings that may be clogging us up
Negative, limiting beliefs
Worry
The need to blame our pain on others
Waiting to be happy
Low self-esteem
Our self-neglect, and the belief that we aren't responsible for ourselves and cannot take care of ourselves
Our desire to have others take care of, or be responsible for, us
Self-rejection
Self-hatred
Lack of self-trust
Lack of trust in God, life, and the process of recovery
Our trust issues with people-inappropriately placed trust, and not trusting when it is appropriate
Our addictions
Guilt
Shame-that pervading sense that who we are is not okay

The list goes on and is not limited to defects, it can be applied to feelings as well.

questions on step 6

. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say?

4. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. Then tell God.

5. Each morning for the next week, when you wake up, take a moment to notice what you're feeling. Often, we're at our most vulnerable in those quiet moments before we begin the activity of the day. Check in with yourself emotionally. Take a moment to tell God what you're feeling. Tell yourself. Within the next four hours, sooner if possible, tell someone else what you are feeling. You don't have to make a "feelings group" out of it; just disclose honestly what you are feeling. Do this same activity once more during the day - either at the end of the workday, after supper, or during a quiet time in the evening.

6. The next time a big feeling strikes - hurt, fear, anger, joy, blessedness, pleasure - call another person and talk about what you're feeling while you're feeling it.



-- Edited by hotrod on Saturday 29th of December 2012 05:42:45 AM

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Betty
Liddie


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I am trying so hard to do these things! My Experience has been absolute hateful rejection when I set boundaries or stand up for myself. Sometimes I think it would be so much easier (and not as painful for me) to just forget I exist and not care what anyone does to me, for me or against me. Go back to caretaking and forget self nurturing. My greatest fear is abandonment and standing firm in the face of being rejected is hard. I am doing it but sometimes I'm not sure how much longer I can.

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hotrod


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Dear Liddie

I hear you .  I too thougth it easier to abandon myself and take care of others.  Problem is that it gets worse and not better I found that I  MUST take care of myself because no one else will.

Please keep trying to show up for youself.  It is a process and one day it will feel so right

 NeelB



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Betty
grateful2be


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Liddie and Betty: Thank you for your posts tonight. I stood up for my needs, concerns and hurt privately with a friend of 20 years this week who had done something that adversely affected me that I didn't understand. I told her that I loved her, respected her, but wasn't understanding what was going on with her and asked for feedback. Rather than even attempt to dialogue with me (and I'm not that wonderful, so I didn't now if I had done something to trigger her behavior or if she just didn't have enough facts at hand to make a decision different than she had made that hurt me), she rejected me in a very public way that puts me in a very bad position with other people that I work with, left me with work that she had promised to carry out for an anniversary celebration of a joint project we have worked on together 20 of its 25 years, and quit both the project and our friendship. Although I know I am not responsible for her thoughts, feelings or behaviors and also understand her behavior to be a passive aggressive action that she consciously or unconsciously chose to employ, I have been struggling all week with whether or not it would have been better for me to just suck it all up (the first incident) and either let it go until after the anniversary celebration or just let it go, reading these posts help me see that I'm feeling bad because I stood up for myself and my needs and was rejected as a result of it. Your posts help me better practice "let go, let God," and "Live" and "Let Live" without badgering myself because a friendship I thought was safe for me and for the other person was not as deep as I thought and ended in rejection when I was honest with her about something that adversely affected me when she acted without regard for my needs, concerns or the hurt she caused me by ignoring them.

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hotrod


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Dear gratefult2B

Thank you for sharing your heart and your honest thoughts on the 6th Step . I know I always felt it easier to become invisible and keep others happy but there came a time when I just could not do that any longer. My inner voice and spirit screamed to be heard and honored. I know I needed to put myself at the top of the list of the persons I had hurt the most.

It is not easy to change and validate our needs. I am glad you are here and learning how to take care of yourself.

.



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Betty
flopadopilus


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I just broke it off with my bf, because after 5 months I was losing myself and feeling take advantage of. I lost my strength and way to naturally became a doormat for him. I had to end it and dive back into my program. I will not lose myself or feel less than in a relationship and I need to remember to stay strong and to be able to say what I mean, mean what I say without saying it mean. I am worth more than just being here to serve everyone else and I feel able to do it again without feeling unworthy. I deserve to be happy and healthy and am willing to do what I must to keep myself moving onward and upward towards feeling good in my own skin. Those that love me and that are healthy have appreciated and respected the changes I have been making and those who don't have to take care of themselves, because that is what I am busy doing. I love this process and the growth I am doing while working my program.

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FLOP,

"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real

INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.
hotrod


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Good Job Flop

Growth and self care are so very important to our recovery

Thanks for sharing the journey



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Betty
donwgolf


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Hi'
I'm a new member to this forum. I was raised by my mother. She never set any boundaries or showed love that a child needs.
I grew up feeling inferior seeing people i knew who seem to have it perfect with both parents and dad working and doing things with his son. I isolated myself always being a people pleaser and i still do this.



-- Edited by donwgolf on Monday 25th of February 2013 11:23:14 PM

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Don
donwgolf


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donwgolf wrote:

Hi'
I'm a new member to this forum. I was raised by my mother. She never set any boundaries or showed love that a child needs.
I grew up feeling inferior seeing people i knew who seem to have it perfect with both parents and dad working and doing things with his son. I isolated myself always being a people pleaser and i still do this.



-- Edited by donwgolf on Monday 25th of February 2013 11:23:14 PM

 



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Don
hotrod


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Hi Don welcome

I am glad that you found us and had the courage to share.  Becoming entirely ready to have HP lift this pain and destructive tools is what this step is all about .  I found when I couldc learly see how I was hurting myself I as ready to let go of the negative tools

Keeep sharing



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Betty
donwgolf


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Thanks for replying Betty,

I've been seeing mental health professionals since i first started working as a bank teller. I had so much anxiety that i couldn't work so i sought help and was giving medicine to calm me. I was told after seeing a professional for many years that my problem was from toxic shame. I've always felt like i was something wrong. I guess i'm not following the step program. any recommendation would be appreciated.

Thanks don.

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Don
NicoleDiver


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I have a hard time imagining being successful at this step. But I would really, really like to be at peace with myself and feel love for other people. Instead, right now, I am a big unhappy mess inside. I am angry, bitter, jealous, etc. etc. etc.
Does anybody ever actually get through this step and move on to the others? I think I could be stuck on this step forever.
What things are you willing to let go of? I have stopped at this question, because I just dont know HOW to let go of anything. I can only guess that you simply make your mind up to let go of things. I dont know. Heres my list of major issues that I would like to let go of oops, I mean that I am WILLING to let go of, right?.....???
Anger, Jealousy, Frustration, Worry, Fear, Anxiety
I would like to replace these feelings with Peacefulness, Serenity, Love, Trust
That sounds really cheesy, but wouldnt that be nice though?

1. Is there someone in your life now whom you need to talk to? Not really, I dont think so.
Is there something going on - a feeling, a need, or an issue - that you don't want to talk about, but need to? Other than the fact that my AH is a crack head and I hate him? No, not really. Other than the fact that I am angry at his family for the way they act? No, not really.
Is there someone you're avoiding because you have something difficult to say? No, not really. I will face anybody, even if I have a problem with them. I wont necessarily bring up the problem with them, because I often feel like it is useless. I feel like discussing a problem with someone wont change the problem, so it is wasted energy and everyone gets upset and there is all this drama and in the end nothing changes. So whats the use?

2. In the past week, have you treated yourself or another person badly? Yes.
You may want to choose someone safe and trusted and tell that person what you have done. I almost always put my needs last, so that I am either too tired to do anything for myself, or too angry, or theres no money left for me. Im telling this board because theres nobody else to tell.

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hotrod


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Don   and Nicole

The program is not easy and recovery is a slow process.   Your honesty and clarity are great assets in recovering.  I believe that attending meetings helped me to be comfortable in groups and finally learn how to: share, trust  let go of fear and practice faith. 

 It did not happen overnight.   I attended alanon for over a year before I shared at a meeting.  I attended meetings daily because just being there made me feel better.  I also listened and learned and practiced using the slogans each day and read the courage to change each morning  That worked     It is a one day at a time program   Do you think you could do that ?



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Betty
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