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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Adult Children of Alcoholics: Step 8
Post Info TOPIC: Adult Children of Alcoholics: Step 8
JamesCT


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Adult Children of Alcoholics: Step 8
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8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

But Ma, I don't want to!

That feeling came over me in the beginning when I first thought about this step.  I didn't want to make the list, didn't want to admit what I had done wrong, and didn't want to try to make it up to them.  But I wanted to get through the steps.  So first I became willing to at least look at this.  And yes, there were people that I had hurt.  I had to admit it.  I may have even contributed to warping someone in a very bad way.  And when I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about what I had done because of my internal damage, I became willing to make amends, because I didn't want anyone suffering because of me any more than I wanted to be suffering because of the failures and foibles of my parents.  I was sorry for what I had done.

Kind honesty is what is needed here.  Be kind to yourself.  But be true to yourself.

In the practical aspect of this step, when I did it I made myself a spread sheet with whom I needed to make amends to, what for, and how I possibly could.  That might help.



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ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .
DavidG


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smile Thanks James...

                               working the steps here, online is multi-dimensual for me.

[Sic} I liked that word as it was... lol... it appeals to my inner child to lift up my laptop and see messages. I always had very mixed feelings about my name. And a lot of trepidation about things i said- borne from layers and layers of neglect and knock-backs.

It is great to look at step 8 [and 9]. A preparation for Step 10 which is a maintenance step. I am looking forward to a time of routine and peace.

My life has been topsy-turvey over the last month or so, with injury and hospital to cope with. But in the middle of that there has been an oasis of calm.

There is a special quality around the MIP groups. It is mostly hands-off with a few very timely tweaks, as far as my experience goes.

As well as catering for the goggle-eyed kid, at the beginning, this also takes the place of an adult conversation. A steps meeting takes the pressure away- not having to cater for newcomers. [Tho' newcomers are always welcome at steps meetings!]

[I think is is a place where us seasoned learners get to do our own stuff! And, as my mother used to say: the more the merrier!]

Thanks again James aww

 

-DavidG.



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SaraD


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Step 8 I am finding this hard to do (again) since its been a long time since I've been active in the 12 steps.   I grew up constantly apologizing for who I was, what I did etc.  So I don't see this all very clearly.  I do know in my head I've hurt others and myself.

Even though I've been away I don't think I've lost all that I received through this program.  I am in a different cycle of life now and I had to be reminded that I can not manage my own life.  My insanity was/is that I've apologized for everything so much that even my excistance at times seems to harm others. 

I expect to work the program with God's grace and I hope to see this more clearly. 

Not too long ago, a family member used a sick joke to mock me on a social network.  I was for once insulted and cut this family off because I've always tried to please them and make amends so they wouldn't get mad.   

So those that harm or have harmed us; sometimes ok to take some distance?

I've never thought about the fact I've harmed myself though I am at times attacking my own self through degrading thoughts.

How do I CLEARLY assess who I have harmed?  How do I start again?

Thanks from a retred

SaraD

 



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JamesCT


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Look at how being an adult child caused behavior that harmed people.  Don't beat yourself up.  Just be honest.  The key is to start with your adult child behaviors.  We all have done many things wrong, but not all of them are traced to being an ACoA.



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ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .
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