Ok, let's see if I have this right. I am aligned with the ACoA forum and so, I can comment or share or inquire about step 8 here. Right? I won't proceed until I get a response...thanks.

You can ask both places.  Here is where we concentrate on Step work and help each other through, though.  I don't get here as much so I apologize for the tardiness of the reply.

KayCee, I hear you. I have people in my life that have hurt me also. I think what I'm learning, though, is that we are all flawed. Maybe the people that hurt me didn't intend to. Maybe they did their best, maybe they had their own crap. And maybe 'the victim' is what I made myself, rather than what they make me. For me, on step eight, i'm looking at what I have done, regardless of what they have done, if that makes sense. For example, my brother has hurt me tremendously by basically abandoning me and the rest of the family, i have felt this pain for many many years. So rather than focus on what he did, i focus on the fact that I invalidated his story with my denial about our FOO, and that all that denial is probably why he had to pull away. And that is what I want to make amends for - for invalidating his story, his feelings, his experience. Hope that helps a little.