Stepwork

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
 
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> ALANON STEP 9
Post Info TOPIC: ALANON STEP 9
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
ALANON STEP 9
Permalink  

Step 9
 
Made Direct Amends to such people whenever possible except,when do so would injure them or others
 
 
Page 163 Courage to Change
My Higher Power does not put any challenge before me that I am unable to face.
"The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are"
John Burroughs\
 
MY SHARE
 
Making amends was interesting and a challenge for me I had to first understand what amends was all about. You see I could easily take responsibility for everything- apologize and say I was sorry (without meaning it) and move on .
Amends was about something different. To me it was about "Changing my behavior and my thinking about a subject and someone). Owning my destructive part and then changing . I could not do this alone. Step 7- Asking HP to remove my short comings had to come first.

 
Next I had to MAKE amends to myself before I could be honest enough to look at the harm I had caused others. I did that by attending alanon meetings, using the tools to be gentle with myself, keep the focus on myself, make a gratitude list each day to improve my positive focus and made a asset list to enable me to see the real me.

I attended meetings, and lived one day at a time, using all the slogans and my sponsor because I was determined to learn how to implement these tools in order to change my self. I always viewed the world as" the glass was half empty ". After my working these Steps I can say that I see "the glass as half full" What a miracles
 
What damage did I do ? I did for others what they could do for themselves. In that manner I also ended up taking the credit for something I should not have done
I gave advise inaccurately and again directed people in the wrong direction. I gossiped, about others and hurt their reputation . I blamed others for my short comings and made them the monster
Other Step 9 Questions
 
 
Can I write amend letter to myself?
 
Who on my lists do I need to make amends to first?
What harm have I done to my children or family What amends can I now make to them as adults?
Can I forgive myself for all the difficulty I caused my self?
Am I am willing to pray to be willing to make amends in the future to those I cannot make amends to?.
 


__________________
Betty
DavidG


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 168
Date:
Permalink  

blankstare I had a deep abiding sense of shame. As I have shared and listened; listened and shared I have realised that this is a part of the human condition. But we do not have to live with this 24/7. I can also experience happiness, joy, and a heap of other things which are also a part of the human condition.

Going back through steps 6 and 7 I learn that Hp does not require us to tackle stuff we are not ready for. I realise that I have to and need to change, but not to force these.

Some time ago, for maintenance purposes, I decided to make amends when the opportunity presented itself. To live in the moment, one day at a time means that I am aware. I can act on a whim, I can act on impulse, without losing the plot.

Lately I have been thinking about the oxygen mask in an air crash. I was thinking more of the rip-cord on a parachute. Leaping out of the plane and trying to save others- well it says it all.

Having a daily diet of readings, and regular contact with Alanon helps one whole lot.

Things aren't perfect in my world, and especially with my FOO. Sometimes I have to be ready to meet them half way then they are half ready too.

Thanks Betty,

DavidG.



__________________

Participation is the key to harmony.
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
Permalink  

Dear David

Great to see you and read your wisdom and courage.  Thanks for sharing the journey



__________________
Betty
mary jane


Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 1
Date:
Permalink  

I could always take responsibility for whatever went wrong in my life, his life, their lives..... I kidded everyone to give me their problems because "I have broad shoulders". I would just apologize for whatever happened and then go on my merry way. But then I got into AlAnon and saw the 9th step. I wondered how I would do that. I wondered what was my part in all of it. Then someone said "because you let it happen", and then I knew my part. I never said no. I never said "this is not acceptable". I could always make lemonade out of someone else's lemons.

Now I can do what Betty says, "I let others do what they can do". I don't do for them anymore. I let the chips fall where they may. I let others have their own triumphs without trying to make them mine. I let others fall/fail without trying to rescue them. I give everyone the dignity of their own lives by me staying out of their lives.

It is nearly impossible to "make amends" for my past behavior because I don't know/don't remember all the situations. But I can do better from this day forward.

Regular contact with AlAnon keeps me on the right path.

Mary Jane

__________________
maryjane
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
Permalink  

Dear MaryJane 

Thank you for your wisdom and powerful experience.  I agree,  I to  have made my best amends by no longer practicing the destructive actions gooing forward one day at a time.

Thanks for sharing the journey



__________________
Betty
KayCee


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 18
Date:
Permalink  

Things with my Foo r getting very rough right now.........And reality is they might get worse! BECAUSE I have finally made a stand on what I will, and will NOT do..... And I HAVE put myself 1rst on my list. Im still trying t up meet my foo halfway, But its hard!...Im also sticking to taking care of ME, letting go & letting God take the wheel.....Thank God for the support and patience from my children, and the wisdom, and advice Im getting here. Im grateful for my maintenance, and the guidance I recieve from u all. (Especially u Betty) Thanks& God Bless.!

__________________
Donna K. Carnes
hotrod


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 1023
Date:
Permalink  

Donna

Thank you so much for sharing your heart.  This recovery road is not an easy one but with the suuprt of others and trusting HP it is so worth it.  So very happy that you are determined to value yourself and care for you first.  It is only when I did that was i able to truly care for others. Before I was looking fro them to repay me or respond in a certain manner---  Now I just act with kndness and courtesy without expectation.  How freeingsmilel



__________________
Betty
Allenwood


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 7
Date:
Permalink  

Some time ago, for maintenance purposes, I decided to make amends when the opportunity presented itself. To live in the moment, one day at a time means that I am aware. I can act on a whim, I can act on impulse, without losing the plot. IAPP CIPM Exam Questions



__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> ALANON STEP 9
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Al-Anon

Courage to Change

The 12 Steps 
For Adult Children

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
Recovery Book Store
http://www.12stepforums.net/books.html

All Books in our bookstore are recovery related books, please visit the store and make a purchase for yourself or someone you want to shine some love on!

Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

 

 

Daily Affirmations for Adult Childern

When you buy a book you are helping support Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums

We have over 100 recovery books in our bookstore which is affiliated with Amazon.com.  The fastest, safest and easiest way to get your new reading material sent directly to you.