Thanks for the share Betty...I value step 10 greatly because it helps me answer the questions How am I doing and where am I in my program for recovery.  The consequences of working step 10 are huge for me especially in light of the word "promptly"  It relieves me of anxiety from guilt and shame and worrying that I am off practice of this program which saved my life and put me back in sync with the world around me.  Today when I harm another for any justification I strive to make that pono...right and keep the relationship in lokahi...balance.   I worked hardest at relieving my victims of the pain of thinking that they had been wrong where and when they had no justifiable fault at all.  So as I relieve myself of pain and do the same for them.   This is a major daily practice step.   Mahalo.  (((hugs))) 

I am in the middle of answering the questions on step 10 and have just developed my list to help me review my day.  I feel like this is the ultimate action step, just need to impliment it into my life now comit to this process, helping me to stay focused.

progress not perfection trying to walk the walk.

hug tracy xxxxx

Dear David and Tracy

  Thank you both for sharing with such honesty and wisdom.  I agree, it is wonderful to be on the maintenaance steps. 

If I stay true to this 10Th Step I can be sure that my next 4TH step will not be so long and difficult.

Love sharing this journey with my MIP family.

I am pretty new and have been hanging out on the Al-Anon board a little and attending online meetings as well as F2F meetings. I have not yet worked the steps and I do not have a sponsor yet, but I am going to start going through the steps here, and I will start with 10 - it seems as good as any ;) This is huge for me, because as a perfectionist with control issues I really really want to start with Step 1, with a fresh notebook labelled "12 Steps." But I know that is not necessary and in a way is procrastinating dealing with the real issue and the state of my heart, by focusing on outside things. So, I am going to force myself to jump right in, for my own good :)

What is the purpose of Step 10?

Well, it appears that Step 10 "keeps our slates clean and maintains our spiritual, emotional, and physical health to help deal with the rough times that occur in everyday life." LOL. Was that a trick question? ;) I guess the purpose is to focus on ourselves, our own shortcomings and mistakes, rather than the shortcomings of others, because our own shortcomings are the only thing we can control, work on, and apologize for. A refocusing on myself is definitely what I need. I am constantly looking outside myself to others. I grew up in an alcoholic/codependent/dysfunctional family where there was a belief in my parents that they can and should control others! I suppose I absorbed this belief from them. I have been with my AH for about 8 years now in total. And for 7 years, 11 months I have been focused on his faults and trying to control him, thinking that if he just improved our relationship would be better. So, I think the purpose of this step is to look carefully at myself, my own faults and shortcomings, to raise my awareness of them, to take responsibility for them, and to work on changing them, one day at a time.

Did I get myself involved in a situation that was none of my business?

Yes. I have been trying to control AH for many years. The worse his drinking and emotional issues got the more I tried to gain control of him. His drinking is not my business to try to control, change, cure. His emotional issues are not my business to control, change, cure. Now this makes me have to look at some hard truths. When I was trying to control, change, cure I could be in sort of denial that I wasn't accepting him for who he is. In looking at the hard truth, and believing that I cannot change or control or cure him... it will be up to me to decide if I can remain with him as he is.

What means of taking a personal daily inventory is comfortable for me?

I do better when I write, but I rarely do. I think that trying to raise my awareness throughout the day, and then writing at least a brief inventory at the end of each day would be best and would be comfortable for me. I would like to think I can do it by thinking alone, but I know in my heart that I need the writing and that I will make more progress if I write.

What small things can I do to practice standing up for myself?

I can not react to his negativity and requests that constitute enabling. I can instead respond to the emotions it brings up in me, reflect on the cause and effect of these emotions, be kind to myself, and meet my own needs as best I can. I can also set boundaries and remove myself or walk away from difficult situations, and refuse to engage in arguments. I can live one day at a time and defend my right to not have to make a decision about anything right now, and to change my mind.

How do I feel about continuing to take personal l inventory?

I feel it is hard, but necessary. I have focused on others for so long that I tend to intellectualize and analyze and stay in my head rather than my heart. I really need to access my heart more. I need to honor my heart. As someone who espouses the importance of personal growth and self-actualization, I need to practice what I preach. I need to change more and talk less.

In a daily inventory I can ask myself?
What feelings did I experience?
Did I try to fix anyone else today?
What characteristic shows up regularly in my inventory?
Why am I not ready to have them removed?
What can I do to take care of myself today?
What negative traits did I exhibit today?

The above questions I will strive incorporate into my daily inventory.

Today has just begun for me, but so far I have been trying to incorporate self-care and support for myself by attending an online Al-Anon meeting, by reading my daily reading in C2C, by working on Step 10, and by practicing Good Orderly Direction. (So far today this means I've gotten the laundry done. For the rest of my day Good Orderly Direction means checking off things on my to-do list, cleaning, reading, and knitting, and not getting distracted by the lure of surfing the internet and wasting my day!)

I am sure that I have exhibited some negative traits already today by way of my thoughts about my AH and "wishing he would only" and feeling attachments to expectations that he will change. I have also spent time thinking too far into the future, and the "what ifs". In order to cope with these negative traits I try to meet each thought of control with a slogan or the 3C's. In response to trying to plan for what ifs and getting too far into the future I try to repeatedly pull myself back to the present moment, practice Good Orderly Direction, and focus on what I am doing in the moment or what the next useful/purposeful thing is that needs to be done.

I am grateful to Al-Anon and this board, and I can already feel that things are going to be shifting mightily for me through this work. Thank you all for being here.

Thank you all for being here. I am an "old timer"who needs to get back to basics! So, I have found a new home group and have begun my service work. But I, like many others have an addiction to the computer, so, I have decided to use my addiction to my spiritual benefit and access healthy forums and get the help I need and fill my "spiritual" bank account as it is overdrawn. Again, I am grateful for all. Today I begin answering the questions posted, I will get back to this forum with my answers or lack of because I believe in veracity, and I do not always have the "right" answers.