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Post Info TOPIC: Step 5 - ACoA

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Step 5 - ACoA

from "The 12 Steps for Adult Children"

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."

"Step 5 requires that we engage in honest confrontations with ourselves and others by admitting our faults to God, to ourselves, and to another person. By doing so, we begin the important phase of setting aside our pride so that we can see ourselves in true perspective...

"Admitting the exact nature of our wrongs to God is the first phase of Step 5. Here, we admit to God all that we have worked so hard to conceal. It is no longer necessary to blame God or others for what has happened to us. This process of acceptance brings us closer to our Higher Power, and we start to realize that our Higher Power is always there for us...

"Admitting our wrongs to ourselves began in Step 4...

"We will unveil parts of our nature that we have concealed from ourselves... With our Higher Power's help, we will have the courage to reveal our true nature. The result will be worth all the agony of the unburdening process...

"Following are some important guidelines to focus on when completing the fifth Step. Begin with resentment and fear in Step 4, then proceed by reviewing the other traits you wrote about.

" * - Remember that Step 5 asks only that we admit the exact nature of our wrongs... It is not necessary to discuss how the wrongs came about or how changes will be made. You are not seeking counsel or advice.

  * - Remember also to share your strengths. The objective is balance...

  * - Begin with prayer, calling on your Higher Power to be present...

  * - After completing your fifth Step, take time for prayer and meditation to reflect on what you have done. ..

"Ask for God's help in choosing the person to whom you will admit your wrongs...

"... Admitting our wrongs to God.. is an opportunity for us to know that our Higher Power loves us and is patiently waiting for us to admit to and learn from our ineffective behavior. In doing this we experience an inner acceptance of our Higher Power and others...

"Writing your fourth Step inventory began the process of developing your self-awareness, the first step toward what will become genuine self-love. Solitary self-appraisal is the beginning of your admission, but it is not enough by itself. It is in Step 5 that you turn that knowledge into improved self-acceptance...

"When choosing a person for Step 5, we will want to select a loving, caring person, one who will be there for us and who will provide unconditional acceptance. The person must be dependable, trustworthy, and not shocked or offended by what we reveal. It is wise to choose someone who is familiar with the program [though doesn't have to be in it]. ..

"In telling our story to another person, we can expect more than just being heard. We must be ready to listen to the other person's response. The interchange can be helpful and productive if we are willing to listen with an open mind to the other person's viewpoint... Questions asked in a caring and understanding manner can reveal new insights and feelings...

"It takes considerable humility to bare ourselves to another person. We are about to reveal our self-defeating, damaging, and harmful character traits. We also will mention our positive strengths and worthwhile traits. We must do this to remove the masks we present to the world. It is a bold step toward eliminating our need for pretense and hiding. Rigorous honesty should be our goal, not our personal image...

"The following information is helpful when completing your fifth Step with another person:

  * - Allow ample time to complete each thought and stay focussed on the subject. Refrain from unnecessary explanations.

  * - Eliminate distractions. Telephone calls, children, visitors, and extraneous noises must not interrrupt your sharing.

  * - When Step 5 is completed, both parties can share their feelings about the experience. It is now possible to extend to each other the love God extends to us...

"When Step 5 is completed, some expectations may remain unfulfilled. Our Higher Power's timing is not always our timing. God works in each one of us according to our own capacity to respond. We are not to submit to our anxiety; instead, we are to trust our Higher Power. The real test of our Step 5 admission is our willingness to trust that God will strengthen and develop our capacity to change our lives...

"Upon completion of Step 5, we will realize that we are not always in control. It is not easy to change our old behavior patterns all at once. Admitting the exact nature of our wrongs is no guarantee we will stop acting in our old ways. We can expect to have moments of weakness. But we can also be strong in knowing that our relationship with God can help us overcome them. If we sincerely want to change our ways, our Higher Power will give us the strength and courage required."

-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 05:56, 2006-01-30

do your best and God does the rest, a Step at a time


Status: Offline
Posts: 21

thanks for posting these readings Amanda.

I would like to say that step 4 is the hardest step. I wish I had a sponsor when I did it originally to complete Step 5. Had to settle for sharing it in meetings and with my therapist. Last year In my f2f step meeting we spent weeks and weeks on different step 4 topics - excellent step 5 work. We use the 12 STEPS - A WAY OUT workbook.

it can be daunting, to read outloud all the things we need to work on. To me step 4 is not about making a huge TO DO list, but rather it should be a WHO AM I list. Until I knew how I worked, I couldnt even begin to think about change.

Step 4 can be done so many ways. What worked for me was to do it chronologically first. I often have problems remembering the past, and placing things by date. Making a list really helped me see how I evolved. Especially when it came to relationships. In the moment I wsa completely unable to see how codependency ruled my behavior. I thought I was crazy to be so utterly devestated when a relationship would end. I ended up marrying out of fear of being alone, not really out of love. Of course, back then, fear of not being alone equalled love.



-- Edited by notcrazy62 at 22:01, 2006-01-31

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