As I sat with this a few minutes ago, I had a then and now thought.  In the early days of al anon, it gave me comfort to visualize giving my burdens, anxieties, fears, confusion, shame, humiliation, anger, etc to a God in the sky.  Maybe I thought that the distance would ease the weight of all this stuff.  Now, my God is next to me, even, a little inside of me, making the relationship more intimate.  With this relationship, I know I am not alone.  My turning over encompasses all of the above stated and so much more....the highs and the lows, the dark and the light.  I find myself saying, "ok God, what can we create today"?

Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.

Step 3 Questions.

How has step three helped me find a someone that I can trust?
I don't know that Step 3 has particularly helped me find someone I trust, but continuing to attend local al-anon meetings has introduced me to a group of people that show care and concern. A couple of those people seem like people I could open up to, and I just emailed one to ask her to be my sponsor. If she says no, there are still a couple others that I would feel okay asking.

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own?
Ha - by choosing the one that makes me the least comfortable. I say that as a joke, but sometimes it does feel that way. However, I can think of a major life decision that I once made where I kind of wanted to choose one way, but there was no peace in my soul about that choice. When I ultimately chose the opposite, then I felt peace. But really, I think I've been forging ahead full steam all my life, often asking God to show me his will, but not taking enough time to listen to it.

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?
The illusion of control. Wanting to stay in my comfort zone. Wanting to please people. Personal desires.

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself?
It's weird. I can truly say that I trust God to take care of me. I fully believe that. If we lose a job, He'll still care for our needs. If there is a natural disaster, He will be right there with me. Even if I die, He will be right there to take me to heaven. But even with that firm faith, it seems that I don't want to trust him with smaller things. Should I go to a certain event? Should I allow my son to do this or that? How should I respond to my family? These types of questions I continue to plow ahead without His guidance.

Even if I dont believe in a higher power the way others do, how can I apply step three in my life ?
Not applicable.

What t role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.?
none

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears?
I think a job loss in my family is a definite possibility. But I will still be taken care of. If I end up single, I will still be taken care of.

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power?
Peace.

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon?
God the Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit

How has my understanding of a higher power changed?
It hasn't.

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse?
In general situations, it makes others unhappy to be ordered around.
With the alcoholic, it creates anger and "reasons to drink". It makes a home filled with arguments.

Step 3 insights over the past couple weeks:
I've come up with an analogy describing my will vs. God's will. I'm driving a car. I drive it according to my will. In the past, when I've asked God to show me His will, I've wanted to know where He wanted me to go, but I was still going to drive the car. I may drive the direction He wants me to, but I'M still driving. Truly turning my will over to God's will is to let HIM drive the car.
I've come to this realization, but I can't say that I'm putting it into practice very well yet. But I'll try to view things with this new perspective.

Step 3

I had turned my will and my LE over to the disease of alcoholism and try as I may I was unable to change that.

I decided that turning my will over was simply my decision to attend Al-Anon meetings, work the Steps, get a sponsor, use the slogan and trust the process. I then moved on to step four

If it were me, I would say by accepting that control is an illusion. You have no real control <- thank u .. powerful shares that will help me ..

Step 3 Questions.

How has step three helped me find a someone that I can trust?

Step 3 helped me realise there were those i couldn't trust i'd trusted all my life; mainly me .. for years i would only confess to a priest and for years they would tell me they forget everything i share; sort of like divine amnesia .. when i met my sponsor, who was not my same religion at that time, my sponsor was always reassuring me it was normal and ok for me to be where i was .. when it finally came to my 4th & 5th she said, i never remember anything you all share; sort of like divine amnesia .. we were matched .. i learned to trust god..

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own?

finally getting to align my will with Gods, i need to work the steps .. when idon't work them; i'm not aligned and everything i do becomes my way .. my best thinking got me through the doors; i can't survive the disease today without the steps ..

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?

resistance to pain .. like a rubberband; i usually resist so much with his still gentle pulling and stretching and eventually the rubberband just snaps .. same with recovery .. willingness comes through pain .. with enough pain i usually just eventually snap and surrender .. easy has literally always been hard for me . if i could just let go and surrender Sooner.. but wllingness is a process of all 12 steps and letting go and letting god is coming here ..

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself?

by attending meetings i learn to trust my experiences there .. i can trust serenity and wisdom will grow .. lead me to clarity .. recognising my higher power is greater in compassion .. kindness .. gentleness .. than anyone i've ever known .. gradual change in me ..

Even if I dont believe in a higher power the way others do, how can I apply step three in my life ?

step 3 is to attend meetings; admit outloud what's going on in me .. when i do this i usually hear something that makes sense .. even if my higher power weren't god; the number of others attending is greater understanding and clearer thinking than mine .. if others have had the same experiences or similar; since we learn by experience we will also learn by theirs ..

What t role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.?

they encouraged me .. they loved me before i could love myself; they accepted me unconditionally and held my annonymity .. i felt safe .. i heard god in them regardless of their circumstances ..

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears?

step 3 is a subtle transformation .. i still have fears but i learn to express them and they slowly transform .. i'm learning after step 3 everything is in gods hands .. recognising fear is a signal there is learning to come in an area .. fear stands for face everyone (thing) and recover ..

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power?

Serenity .. my will and life include me and everyone (thing) in it .. when it comes to turning it over i thought it was me who did the turning powerfully slow .. now i know what i share on god will turn over into clarity ..

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon?

i was very rigid and believed god was only working through religion .. the more i came opened my mind and listened; the more i heard and began to understand god was speaking and working through us all .. together in a group we have group faith group trust group love .. group power ..

How has my understanding of a higher power changed?

in just that way .. i understand he works through others today; never really knew this even with years of church..

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse

i made them irritable and unreasonable without knowing why .. they in turn made me irritable and unreasonable without knowing why ..

Step 3:

Decide to turn my will and care of my life over to my HP.

Step 3 Questions.

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own?

I am a very bossy person & like things done on my terms. This is different, this is my recovery and it is very personal. This is my life and it is precious and needs care taken to make sure it is being lived properly, to make sure that nothing has been overlooked, discounted. I trust that my HP knows what is right for me and I must practice patience, not one of my best characteristics. I will know the next right thing to do as my HP guides me to places that I am too weak at this time to go on my own.

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?

Fear of the finality, the end result that I see is surely coming for my relationship with A. Weakness and my fear of change, I am not courageous enough to do what I know in my head is best for this relationship, for my health, my spirit, my psyche, my life.

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself?

I am still working on this, I am such a control freak it is most difficult to do this. I have to admit over and over my powerlessness over this disease.

What role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.?

This disease is too strong to fight alone, I needed a force much greater than myself. I had tried all that I knew at the time to fight this. The members of MIP showed me the need to have a HP to hold my one hand on this voyage while they hold the other.

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears?

I know exactly when it happened, when I was sick and tired and the paralyzing fear that I was experiencing subsided for the most part. It is still hampering my efforts at times but nowhere near the way it was before I started my recovery.

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power?

I feel free, light, happy, less worrisome, less anxious, less fearful, less sad, more hopeful, joyful, excited about my future, but nervous and uncomfortable too about changes.

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon?

 I didnt see how God was going to fix any of this.

How has my understanding of a higher power changed?

My spirituality and love of HP can be my own interpretation of a force that moves me, comforts me, loves me, and protects me.

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse?

 I had a Masters degree in Outcome Engineering! I would manipulate and twist until I got my way, never solving the problem at all. I would try to change the way the world turned if I could. Until I turned my view inward, until I looked at how I had to change my attitude, nothing would get better. I needed to fix me and how I looked at the world. Stop forcing the square peg into the round hole. I only created resentments and hurt to the ones I thought that I wanted to help.

How has step three helped me find a someone that I can trust?

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own? I know now when I am trying to force or make something happen and it is not flowing naturally. I have learned to recognize and let go sooner.

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding? Sometimes old habits die hard, but I am getting better and putting my pride aside easier these days.

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself? Because when I hand things over, I am more serene and things still work out.

Even if I dont believe in a higher power the way others do, how can I apply step three in my life ? Let go and see how the outcome works itself out.

What role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.? My sponsor was amazing in helping me walk through my first set of steps and digging out the shame, guilt and dysfunctions of old. And my home al-anon group.

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears? Because I can hand them over and get out of my head, letting things go out of my control is such a great tool.

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power? That things have gotten much better!

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon? Kind of a judging God and now a more loving and accepting God.

How has my understanding of a higher power changed? I feel loved and worthy, not like I have to earn love or acceptance anymore.

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse? I got in the way a lot, trying to fix and just creating crisis.

It took me awhile to get back here, I had finals. I will catch back up now, thanks.

How has step three helped me find a someone that I can trust?

 

Step three encourages me to trust by reminding me that I cant do this on my own.  If I was doing well on my own, I wouldnt be here.  Even if I dont trust that things will be okay by letting go, things are not okay now.  So it isnt like they are going to get worse.

 

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own?

 

While I dont believe at this point in a god per say, I do believe in karma as a higher power.  Essentially the idea that whatever energy I put out into the world will eventually make its way back to me. 

My own will is impatient.  I want to see the results of my efforts immediately.  I want change from others immediately.  I want positive energy in my life right now!

Sometimes, it takes some patience.  Sometimes, it takes an understanding that I only hold on for so long.  Sometimes, I need to distinguish between wants and needs.

 

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?

 

Having faith is scary.  Im terrified of letting go and having faith that things will be okay when I do let go- because what if they are not okay?

Trusting is scary.  I trust myself, but most of the time I dont feel ready to trust anyone else- including a higher power.

 

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself?

 

Trusting is scary and hard for me- but I have come to a place in my life right now where I understand that my life is out of control, unmanageable, and what I am doing is not working.  If I put all of my faith into something bigger than myself and let go a bit and stop carrying everything on my own- maybe I am wrong.  Maybe there is nothing bigger, maybe my higher power hates me and doesnt have my best interest at heart, and maybe my life will continue to be a disaster.  But at least its a step in a different direction, and trusting in a higher power is trying something new.

 

Even if I dont believe in a higher power the way others do, how can I apply step three in my life ?

 

I can apply this by learning how to let go.  Even if there isnt a being who I am trusting in- I can trust that the world is not out to get me and regain sanity by understanding that despite my need for control, my life is not working the way I am doing things right now.  I can apply step three by letting go and being the change I need in my own life.

 

What t role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.?

 

Encouragement, listening to me vent, and understanding my perspective has helped me so much.  Seeing al-anon work for others makes me more comfortable having faith.

 

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears?

 

When I am able to let go, good things happen in my life and I feel better overall.  The results help alleviate my fears.

 

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power?

 

When I turn my will onto a higher power, it actually is amazing.  I feel relieved and free of the need to control other people and in turn I am able to focus on myself and my daughter and control my own life and my own feelings better.  Energy is no longer wasted- by giving up my need to control others, I end up gaining MORE control over me.

 

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon?

 

When I first came to al-anon, I thought that Higher Power meant God in a traditional church sense.  It very much turned me off and made me hesitant about coming back.

 

How has my understanding of a higher power changed?

 

A higher power doesnt have to mean a traditional, religious being god.  Higher power, to me, means having faith in something bigger out there in the universe that isnt myself.  Something that is bigger than me, or my A husband, or anyone else.

 

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse?

 

Forcing my will onto others didnt work.  A husband didnt stop drinking, and my response of being controlling made him angry and choose to lie to me instead.

Additionally, and more importantly, I FELT WORSE.  I felt worse because I felt like I was failing (in that my efforts were not working), I felt worse because I felt guilty for wasting energy (energy that could have been better spent on taking care of myself or spending time with my daughter or fixing things that I can change), and I felt worse because I was tired (it is exhausting trying to control someone else.  Its like living your life as a babysitter for a grown adult.  Everything he did- I had to be one step ahead of him.  I had to try to wrap my mind around his way of thinking, and predicting behaviors and things he was going to say.  Its a lot of work).

My Share
Stepping out of the way of God and actually LETTING Him work on my 'wagon', is so very much harder than simply making the decision to turn things over to God. I think that must be where the rest of the Steps come in. We are making a conscience decision to 'let go and let God.' Once we have made that decision, we are free to continue to the next Step.


Step 3 Questions.

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own?
My will always has ME in the center. God's will id not centered on me. My will is always what I want. God's will is what is best for me, even if I don't want it. My will is seldom fair because it is all about me. God's will is always, ALWAYS, just and fair.

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?
Pride. Wanting things MY way, not His.

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears?
Knowing that God's will is the best thing, and that He will never fail me, I have no need to fear.

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power?
Unexplained blessings.

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse?
No one wants to have someone else's will forced on them. I don't and neither do my friends and family. But that is exactly what I was doing in trying to be what I thought was a good wife and mother. Forcing my will, rather than working together to get things done, made our family miserable. And I came off as being a mean witch. I tried to force the situation and that only made her rebel.

How has step three helped me find a someone that I can trust? For me this rewoke my contact with the Lord. I am finally reminding myself every day to let go and Let God and when I trust in the Lord, all things are possible. I am learning as well to have friendships with others in the program and am gaining a sense of trust.

How do I distinguish Gods will from my own? I can tell when I start obsessively thinking about my AH and him in the halfway house and I am banned and how I can get around that and force my way into talking to him. I finally gave all that stinking thinking up and just asked God to give me some type of sign that my AH even was thinking of me at all. The sign was shown, my AH who has never paid a bill in our entire married life has started depositing money in our bank account.

What keeps me from surrendering to the God of my understanding?  That I will lose control of everything and anything. That I will lose my mind or continue to feel heartbroken and not be fixed immediately.

How do I begin to trust a power greater than myself? Faith and believing and praying.

Even if I dont believe in a higher power the way others do, how can I apply step three in my life ?
Faith and believing and praying.

What t role did the support of other Al-Anon members play in helping me find the God of my own understanding.? Some it was a reminder to me that I had left God out of my life and wasn't listening quietly and praying on issues.

How does practicing step three help to alleviate my fears? I remember that Faith over Fear is my guiding light and the worries dissolve into taking action when needed instead of fretting about what to do.

What have I experienced when I have turned my will and life over to the care of a higher power? Peace

What was my understanding of a higher power when I first came to Al-Anon? I have a great understanding, but I needed a jump start on believing again.

How has my understanding of a higher power changed? He loves us no matter what and is there to love, guide and comfort us.

How did forcing my will on to others make the situation worse? My life was constant chaos, I enabled my AH so much he just didn't care what the hell was going on and he continually lied, betrayed, manipulated and so on. But I had a hand in it because I never set my boundaries, I never asked God to help me or take away the pain.