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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> ALANON STEP 8
Post Info TOPIC: ALANON STEP 8
hotrod


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ALANON STEP 8
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Step eight

Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step eight gives us the opportunity to raise our awareness of our past behaviors. Our application of the previous steps has shown us  that we have indeed harmed others by our words and actions. Just as important, we have harmed ourselves. Our exaggerated sense of responsibility might lead us to place persons on our list unnecessarily. Through candid consideration of each person we can successfully determine those person to whom  we owe l futurea mends. Realizing that making amends is not truly a part of Step Eight we ask for the willingness to clear our inner consciousness of the guilt and shame that our actions have caused us.

I saw myself as a victim when I came to Al-Anon I had been harmed and I wanted justice. Of course my perception was that those who harmed  me should be punished .  In deciding who should go on my list I had to determine whom I had harmed.  Someone suggested that I put my name at the top of the list doing so led to a willingness to add others and  improved my relationships in my life.

My share

This step only asks that I make a list of people I had harmed after I made the list, think about it, I can become ready to make amends. My difficulty with this step was that the harm I do did to others was very manipulative and destructive. I also harmed myself by my behaviors and I needed to place myself at the top of the list. I often denied my truth, myself, my need, my thoughts and made myself invisible in order to get others to do what I wanted. It worked, but at a terrible price for me and in the long run for others. When I was finally able to accept the fact of the harm I had done, my list load effortlessly. Once the list was developed, making amends felt right and I was anxious to move forward. On to step nine

Step eight questions

In what way can my perception distort my amends?

How do I determine who to put on my list? What changes have occurred in my life as a result of working step eight?

In what ways can i  help myself to take responsibility for my actions?

And what do the amends I owe to others reflect the harm that Ive done to myself? 



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Betty
Debb


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In what way can my perception distort my amends? If I am unwilling to see the whole picture and admit to myself and the ones I have hurt that there was no justification for ever hurting them or myself. The picture encompasses the whole Alcoholic Dilemma and the part I played in that dilemma. It doesn't matter if I misunderstood and tried to control the situation for way to long or that I was even hurt by any of it, that is all in the past.

How do I determine who to put on my list? What changes have occurred in my life as a result of working step eight? I will put myself at the top of the list, next will be my AH, my daughter, son, Mom, Dad and brother. The changes that have occurred as a result of Step 8 are not pristine, but what has happened is that I was able to stand my ground for the first time, under some very difficult differences in opinions; I never turned my back and walked away like the old Debbie would have. I lovingly stood my ground and did not allow the situation to blow out of proportion. I have more respect for myself for the first time in my life and even though I stood my ground firmly, I showed my family that I still loved them in spite of the disagreement. I am very pleased with the outcome .... they may not feel that I am doing what they want me to do, but it is my life. The disagreement involved my life style with my AH and the holidays. They are very traditional Italians and expected those traditions to supercede all other plans, but infact what those expectations did was to impose upon me, in my state of mind (lack of confidence and fears) has always worked, this time it did not. I have to thank Al-Anon for helping me, I was able to lovingly show my family that I was not the hurtful individual that they remember, that I am an individual that is evolving into a more understanding and compassionate person.

In what ways can i help myself to take responsibility for my actions? By never walking away from difficulties or disagreements again for fear that I may lose face, unless it involves AH and his chaos due to his drinking. I can see when and where it is appropriate to act and not act. It is a new found freedom for me!!

And what do the amends I owe to others reflect the harm that Ive done to myself? The harm I inflicted on others, directly hurt me as well!!


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Debbie
hotrod


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Debbie Nice share I do agree the harm we do to others does hurt us as well Great awareness.

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Betty
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