Adult Children of Alcoholics Step 12

JamesCT · Senior Member

Adult Children of Alcoholics Step 12

Mamie · Newbie

Feeling spiritual 'nudges' vs full blown awakenings right now. Every day some little 'wink' by my HP to remind me I'm loved. Someone says something in passing that reminds me of a moment of peace and tranquility or I remember to stop and admire beautiful flowers I pass by M-F that look like a postcard. I mark that as a little "God Moment" and then try to make a more conscious connection from that prompt.

My spiritual connection isn't so much severed as clogged up with a lot of other junk. Stuff does get through but like the sink in my upstairs bathroom it's clogged with the day to day stuff that is supposed to have a clear path out of my house and out of my life where it can go be useful somewhere else. My life isn't working as it is supposed to but there seem to be barriers to asking for help right now. Lots of expenses coming up, if I can do it myself, I can use the money I'd pay a plumber elsewhere. Like to get siding repaired so I can get my house insurance reinstated.

I have the ability to take off the S trap IF I can pry my plumber's wrench off the pegboard above the workbench in the basement. I guess that's what happens when you don't use tools in a while. They get rusty and have to have work done on them to be useful again. HEY, the good news is a few days ago I was just looking for that wrench. Now I know where it is. LOL.

So my program is trickling, not really flowing. I'm getting to my ACA meeting, could be working 2 other programs as well, but this one seems the one I have to get to and don't miss. Working 40+ hours a week and having a house full of extended family with associated drama is not leaving me room to breathe some days. But, I'm pushing myself to do some service work and just got a sponsee for the first time in years.

I think that Gratitude is going to be the WD40 that loosens up some of the tools I need to work my program. I'm really glad I have a sponsee because it helps me be more serious about my program.

Sometimes 12th Step work is a way to make others in my life back off a little and give me the space I need to work my program. When I have to get the meeting early to do my duties, I can point to that as a reason why I "have" to be there even when the truth is it's enough that I "want/need" to be there. When I'm not "strong enough" to do it for me, I can still stand up for meeting my obligations or doing something for someone else. After all, my family is so used to me putting others before myself it's almost a rule carved in stone.

Obviously, I still need to keep coming back, but it's good to get further into the layers of how each step affects my life in a practical fashion.

Tasha · Member

At step 12 I considered that I needed to 'make' the world a better place by carrying the message of hope. I soon realized that every time I *try* to *make* or in other words Control the situation or people or place - under the guise of trying to 'keep it safe' or 'welcoming' I am stealing the opportunity for others to do this for themselves. I am also stealing from me the opportunity to place faith in a HP (what I believe is the final result of getting to the end of the steps so as to become all of the steps all of the time). Unfortunately, my recovery then only becomes a substitute for the disease - chaos and dysfunction in my life. I swap it over to the rooms and never really change - just focus the same behaviors onto something else.

All I ever wanted was a safe happy home. I couldn't have it. I grew up in chaos - recreated it in my relationships and marriage after leaving my FOO - and when that got too messy and painful and unmanageable - I took the focus off my home life but just did the very same thing in the room. Tried to control everyone - fix everyone - help everyone - but mostly manage the whole thing into a safe little happy place. Like searching for that something I never had again - trying to create it - get closure - get peace - but I can not MAKE peace for myself. I have to let go for true peace. Let it all go. Stop trying to control it all. Stop trying to Make things safe, or Make things - anything - and let God do all of that.

Finally I reached another bottom and the jig was up. There was nothing left to control. I had to let go of all my service commitments - all of my preachy shares that were never for me but 'to fix everyone', all the obsessive welcoming and manipulation of people through false kindness so that everyone could be how I wanted them.

Finally - I let it all go - started sharing my life honestly - what it was like - what it's like now - with only the fact that I.am.listening in mind. It all became just between God and I. I finally had a true spiritual awakening and found myself fully so I could turn myself completely over to the care of a higher power. It's so hard to focus on self - humility and honesty are the tools. Letting go of what others will think, letting them be where HP needs them - giving up the false self and turning it all over to the care of a Higher power - to become free and true. This is what step 12 is about for me - and once here - the steps no longer feel like that at all - they feel like freedom - like taking a leap off the top of the stairs and finding I had wings to fly all along!

-- Edited by Tasha on Sunday 24th of August 2014 08:48:45 PM

Sabin · Member

Step twelve is the final step in the recovery process, the 12 step programme for ACA recovery is based on progress not perfection which is very important for me to remember. Consistent attempts at staying in recovery, by that I mean practising the programme in all our affairs. To become as sick as I was and remain in denial, blame and shame took a lot of hard work. Hitting bottom was the best thing that ever happened to me, to be in so much pain something broke inside of me and I was willing ing to let go and get help. I have worked through the steps in order and am aware of my dysfunction and my assets , I learnt love, compassion, patience and reaching out keep me well, I intend to work this programme for the rest of my life a day at a time and reap the rewards of ACA recovery which are self love, self care, joy and peace of mind. With more of the good stuff in the bank I am able help others. Keeping the focus on my recovery keeps me from free from blame, shame and judgement of others. I am in a much better position to help others because I value and appreciate my own recovery and know it works if I work it

JamesCT · Senior Member

Bumping for this cycle.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.