Alanon Step 2

hotrod · Guru

Alanon Step 2

tracy · Member

I do have a hp I can not really define it I think he is like he perfect dad. I do believe that he cares for me and knows what is best for me but I think sometimes my will gets in the way and he just lets me learn from my own mistakes I trust him it's me I don't trust.

myplan of self care is prayer, meditation, reading, using my sponsor and working the step and reaching out using all the tools.

I have seen people detach and stat to love themselves and live their own lives I can do this more today but still need to learn and believe that I am valuable and love myself more.

i would like to be restored to sanity in my intimate relationship with myself instead of us ring other people place and things

hugs Tracy xxxx

hotrod · Guru

Dear Tracy Thank you for your honest reflection. Coming to believe and trusting a HP is a process and I always must remember that in this program it is progrees not perfection Please keep on keeping on.

I defined my HP as the principles of alanon at first and then moved to a Power that was perfect, wisdom, love, compassion, knowledge, all knowing and powerful and who loved me unconditionally. I thought that I could trust that Power I have again redefined my HP and know that I will continue to do this as more is uncovered .
Glad you are here.

Shosh18 · Newbie

My share:

I believe that there is a Higher Power, God, Great Spirit, who is the embodiment of compassion, love, knowledge and loves me unconditionally; allows my suffering to be my opportunity to learn what I need to in this life in preparation for the next.

My self-care plan will need to comprise daily meditation and exercise, taking interest in preparing good food to feed my body, giving myself permission to feel it is reasonable to say 'no.' to my abf if I think it is appropriate to do so and not feel guilty about it, spending more time with the other people I love and doing the things I would like to do e.g., book in my first flying lesson.

I would like to find a sponsor and go to f2f and online meetings daily. I'm not sure that daily meetings is realistic but I believe that at the moment at least, this is what I need and deserve to help myself recover.

I would like to restore my

praying and meditating with my HP alone and with others,

independence to try new things alone, be alone, enjoy alone time

confidence in social situations, meeting new people, hanging out with good friends just being me

liking myself, who I am, and respecting myself for letting myself be my real self

liking my body by exercising and getting back into shape because it feels good for me and my mood

Shosh :)

-- Edited by Shosh18 on Friday 29th of August 2014 07:29:19 AM

hotrod · Guru

Great share Shosh Believing in an HP of your understanding and trusting the process is huge.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

pp · Veteran Member

As a child I knew there was a God. Al anon helped me to know the presence was more than a figurehead in the sky "managing" things. When I came to know that I could trust this presence with my life, I rested, I relaxed, I knew that all was really well. I make room in my life daily for conversation, listening and contemplation. My life is loved these days and not endured.

hotrod · Guru

Dear Paula, thank you for your powerful and insightful share on Step two. Your faith and trust in the God of your understanding is inspiring.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the journey

Betty

cloudskies · Member

Step 2

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

When I think back to this time last year, I did not realize how sick I was. To me, my thinking was absolutely normal. I knew what was best for my ah, I just needed to find a way to make him see that. When I finally realized that everything I was doing was not helping, I came to understand just how broken I was and am.

I didnt know what normal thinking was anymore. I was so isolated, and my entire life revolved around my ah. I was sinking fast into such a dark depression. It wasnt until I cried out to my HP to help me that I began to get better. My HP led me to Al-Anon. I am regaining a part of myself I thought was lost forever. I am learning through my HP and Al-Anon how to take care of me, and how to love myself. Wow, thats the first time I have acknowledged that I am learning to love myself. I am truly understanding what that means.

God has given me the tools I need to make myself whole again. This means I have work to do. I have to attend my meetings, I need to do service work, I need to work the steps, I need to live by the slogans. I dont need to just read the Al-Anon literature, I need to LIVE it.

I still need to work on my control issues. This is so hard. I once described alcoholism as a disease with long dark fingers constantly pulling the alcoholic back down into its grips. These same long dark fingers pull at me, and I call them fingers of control.

I recently went to hear an Al-Anon speaker and I was truly amazed. Her strength illuminated her entire being. When she described what she has lived through, my difficulties paled in comparison, yet anyone could see she is happy. She does not give up, and whenever she encounters a road block, she reaches out to her HP. I want the happiness and serenity she has achieved.

As I have said, I have difficulties with control. This touches all areas of my life and not just with my ah. I am learning how to let go, but old habits are hard to break. I have to work on this daily. I am learning triggers to avoid. I am beginning to realize the ONLY control I have is over my own life.

hotrod · Guru

Dear Linda Thank you for sharing I appreciate your efforts to particiapte and have gained from your wisdom.
I appreciate your honesty

yogalifer · Newbie

It sure sounds like you have a good grasp on your recovery plan. Recovery can be all consuming. I go to a 7 am. meeting and return home to begin the rest of my day. I like to read and study NA How it Works and Why. Then I do a 20-30 minute meditation, yoga and relaxation. This practice helps me focus and is a good primer for prayer and pranayama. I have lived with moderate to severe chronic pain for most of my life and yoga postures get me through some tough moments. I am addicted to pain meds which I am tapering off of. I have two months of alcohol sobriety and beginning to feel human again. Recently I completed a certification course Yoga of Recovery. I am falling asleep so I'll have to share that later.

I am happy to have stumbled into this group.

Om Shanti

Om Peace

Kenan

hotrod · Guru

Kenan Thank you for your powerful share and insights. It certainly sounds as if you are doing all in your power to work your recovery and I know that these efforts will provide you with positive energy and deeper recovery.

We have an NA and AA Main Board, here where members share their ESH on a daily basis. I have provided the links below :

http://na.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=52289 NA

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735 AA

Positive thoughts and energy on the way

Debb · Member

Betty,

I define a Power greater than me as my HP = my God the Father. I truly believe that he loves and cares for everyone. I talk to him everyday in my prayers and expressions of gratitude for everything he has helped me with, including the lessons learned from my difficulties. The lessons have made a better and wiser person of me!!!

My plan for self-care includes part-time attendance with Al-Anon f2f, MIP, working the Al-Anon steps, reading related literature, maintaining my relationship with HP, understanding and practicing letting go of the A and their addiction and not allowing that addiction to control my physical or psychological well being.

I would love to be able to develop a more compassionate view of AH when he drinks and gets angry. I would like to be able to not feel bad when he attacks me personally, my first instinct is to feel unloved and unworthy and I would like to not have his tirades affect me that way. I have learned to, the next day when things calm down, tell him he owes my an apology if he was clearly verbally abusive (that is something I just started doing) and I also have started to just remove myself from the house when he starts (it defuses the whole situation beautifully). I believe it will be possible to reach these goals now that I clearly understand that I cannot control AH at all.

The areas in my life that I would like to be restored would be my confidence and serenity and I feel that I am 3/4 of the way there already.

hotrod · Guru

Dear Debbie what a wonderful share on the Second Step. Thank you. I have a thought about what you stated ,as it reminded me that early in program my sponsor had me carry around a Q-tip. This Q-tip was to remind me of the Al-Anon slogan to:Quit taking it personal."

The actions and attitudes of an alcoholic are connected to the disease, the negative attitudes and insanity of the alcoholic and have nothing to do with anyone else. If I am powerless over others this Q-tip was to remind me they were also powerless over me. I was not to surrender my serenity to imagined insults.

Keep coming back

Betty

Debb · Member

Love the Q-tip!!! Thank you Betty for your guidance.

-- Edited by Debb on Monday 22nd of September 2014 08:15:25 PM

el-cee · Member

For me, a power greater than myself was all around me, the seasons, wind, trees. I could understand that. The god of my childhood was a man with a white beard that I couldnt connect with but its deeper than that for me, its more a feeling or force of some sort. I do feel that this power is logical and anything that comes In my life is for the greater good, even if I cant see it. This gave me freedom because if my life was logical and made up of lessons, good and bad then so is everyone elses so I dont need to control or fix because I cant see the whole picture for anyone.
A good plan for me is to read every day and throughout the day, use that days reading to help me keep on track. Bring the steps into my life, stop avoiding them, connect with my higher power and my sponsor regularly and keep up my meetings.
I have witnessed people who live this program, evey day, its part of them now, they cant help but talk it and walk it. Like you hotrod, you are a shiny alanon example of it working. There are others here and at meetings who live it fully, they still have to work it mind you. I want to accept myself fully, warts and all and stop fighting myself and beating myself up. I think thats when il be entirely ready.
I would like to be restored, although restored suggests I had sanity and lost it but im not sure I ever did, well not as an adult anyway. I want to have maturity, tolerance, kindness and patience. Thats all, not too much to ask for really.lol. I know alanon can give me this, ive had it but lost it again. I feel like alanon is the perfect parent bringing me up and right now im still not quite there yet, im maybe a preteen or teenager type, still a bit rebellious but its a journey and not a destination, I think thats how it goes.

hotrod · Guru

Great deal of honesty and wisdom here LC Thank you so much for your courage and determination . You have come a long way.
Betty

josiehere · Newbie

I keep cycling back through Steps 1, 2 and 3, probably an average of twice per week.

I turned to AlAnon only four months ago -- but it seems much longer.

My self care was at an abysmal low. Momentum and competency kept me looking healthy and productive to others and I didn't understand how much I wasn't taking care of myself.

Recently I was banged up in a car wreck and after returning to my full schedule of activities I have gradually gotten worse again. I cancelled almost everything for this weekend to rest and get some perspective. I believe I am backsliding because of exhaustion. In exhaustion I use anxiety producing methods to motivate myself to be productive, and then as the anxiety symptoms grow I fall into bad self care habits. Obviously I need to clear my schedule as much as possible for at least the next week. I'm re-scheduling all upcoming deadlines for ten days later and cancelling as much as possible for the next two weeks.....

I could write a lot about details, but what I want to share is the self care pattern that has been helping me.

I started mostly focusing on slogans while reading and listening. Then I chose a few priorities to help focus my First Things First patterns. These are evolving but are in three priority categories. On a hard day, like today, I try to stay serenely content with the first two and trust that my hp has a plan for everything else. This can keep me from bouts of panic attacks, crying, or miserably diving into escape activities. I am not well. I need time. God has everything under control. All is well. First Things First.

1. First (for basic self care):

Commune with HP

Immerse in AlAnon literature and other chosen material. Also read notes I've written in my phone regarding slogans and trusting in God and such. I frequently revise these.

Routine (a few self care activities)

2. Second (HALT and be sure all these needs are met and planned to stay met):

Hungry

Anxious

Lonely

Tired

3. Third (List and plan about these. Keep a balance.) 9 C's:

Cook (eat, plan food)

Clothes (clean, available)

Clutter (things, emptying mind, incoming to email/phone/etc)

Clean (self and stuff)

Cash In

Cash Out

Calendar (& action lists & goal lists & EverNote)

Calls

Core Activities of Community Building (a passion of mine)

This pattern of priorities is helping me a great deal.

I added Calls to try to get a new habit of making short, maybe six minute, calls to check in with family and friends and eventually to begin making some new AlAnon friends, which could lead to finding a sponsor. Also, I am chronically behind on calling people back. This is a challenge for me and I pray to make progress if it is the plan of my hp.

For me this disease of Alcoholism had included unrelenting years of constant crisis and chaos. I want to grow past the panic habits I retained. I do not have good habits for "down time". At best I can form thoughts of next steps towards good ideas for down time.

Except for my hp (and maybe my new dog, "Enthusiasm") I've been alone in this work.

Maybe posting here about my journey can help someone else.

And maybe it can help me connect with someone on a similar journey.

hotrod · Guru

Dear Josiehere it certainly sounds as if you are using all the alanon tools available. Love how you have ventured inward and discovered some of the self-destructive behavior that you are participating in. The powerful Al-Anon tools to help combat these destructive inner self sabotaging thoughts will work wonders.

I love face-to-face meetings and find that I grow by just sitting and listening at these meetings. In the first few years in Al-Anon I went to a meeting a day and that paid off. I'm glad that you are circling through the first three steps that is appropriate. It also looks as if you have ventured on to the beginning of the fourth step and I salute you for your courage.

I love the name of your new dog,"Enthusiasm ". That also seems to describe yourself as you apply the Al-Anon principles. Keep on keeping on you are worth it.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.