My Share

I have been involved in various groups throughout my life, but did not feel like I got out of the group what I put into it. When I was lonely or afraid, or needed more support, I would put in more time, and end up feeling more alone and more used. Alanon has not been like that for me. Maybe because, in Alanon, we are focused on helping ourselves while we help each other. I find that the more I give the group, the more I get, and the stronger I become. And, the more times I hear from other members that they have experienced similar situations, the less isolated and alone I feel.

Tradition three questions:



How do I define the mutual aid?

Mutual aid is, for me, knowing that I can reach out when I know that I need help, and that, whether things are going well or not, I have a responsibility to other members of the group. Sometimes, I can share a similar experience from my life that might be helpful, and sometimes, I can just say that I am listening and here, and that we are not alone in this group. Both contributions are equally valuable and important.

How do I keep my focus on where I am avoiding distractions?

For me, I need to come back to Alanon every day, or I lose focus. I need to take time to be alone, and to be quiet, and to listen to myself. I also need to take time each day to walk my pups and make them feel secure. For me, dog walking and dog training are great releases because, for my dogs, if I do a really bad job one day, I get to start again the next day, and they are happy to go along with my fresh start and the better version of myself. They also remind me to live in the present.

How can tradition three help me to find the common denominator in any circumstance?

Tradition three stresses for me that each individual is a human being, and by keeping this in mind, I am better able to stay calm and focused.

In what ways can I apply the principle of mutual aid in my personal life?

I need to reach out more and connect with people more often in my personal life. Generally speaking, treating each person I encounter as a worthwhile human being and someone worthy of my time and respect leads to positive and affirming conversations and encounters. If I think about driving for a second: if someone pulls out in front of me, it is a bit of a stressful situation, since the brakes on the 20 year old truck do not respond as quickly as a newer vehicles would. First, I slam on the brakes and get ready to veer right. My second option is how I respond to the driver of the other car. There is the road rage option, or the option of taking a moment, and then carrying on with my day. Road rage leads to a confrontation, while my taking a moment and moving on lets me avoid confrontation and negativity, and focus instead on how happy I am that the truck slowed down in time. And, this moment doesn't assume (like road rage would) that the driver pulled out in front of me on purpose. Maybe the other driver is on the way to an emergency of some sort. Maybe the other driver misjudged how close I was and feel bad about the situation. Compassionate understanding in difficult situations is one of the things the third tradition teaches me.

How does tradition three help me to reach out to others when I need help to understand myself?

Tradition three helps me understand that I am not alone, and that reaching out to others helps me while it helps the people I am reaching out to. It also carries the promise that I will experience support and compassionate understanding, not judgement, when I reach out.