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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> ALANON TRADITION 10
Post Info TOPIC: ALANON TRADITION 10
hotrod


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ALANON TRADITION 10
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Tradition 10

The Al-Anon family groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name on never be drawn into public controversy

C2C page 52

Because of Al-Anon traditions I am able to have a sponsor whose politics are abhor ant to me although we totally disagree on other issues this person has helped me learn valuable lessons about serenity, courage and wisdom. If I had insisted on a sponsor with political views like my own I would have missed out on an extraordinarily rich relationship.

My share

 I do love all the Traditions because they are each well thought out principles that support the idea that Al-Anon is a spiritual program whose main purpose is to help families of alcoholics. Bringing in outside issues will/could distort the message of recovery and leave the meetings watered down, confused and unfocused. Programs philosophy only asks that we leave what we are and all our titles outside the doors of the rooms and discover who we are. The meetings,the tools, the steps and slogans all lead us to this discovery. I am free to pick up all my ideas and groups when I walk out the door of a meeting. It is very freeing , placing principles above personalities.

Tradition 10 Questions

How do I describe the difference between conflict and controversy?

How can I apply tradition ten to situations that Im struggling with today ?

How can tradition 10 help me to not just keep my opinions to myself but to let them go from my mind?

 How have I contributed to a controversy?

In what ways can tradition 10 help me when my family member members are going to a difficult or sad situation?



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Betty
Melly1248


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I suppose conflict is where multiple parties have interests that do not align and see that the only way to get what they want is to force their solution on the other. It's a resolvable and potentially healthy state of affairs however because it allows for negotiation and shared insights.
So conflict, I guess, can be healthy provided the parties involved are both able to remain true to their own integrity and move into a solution. This can't happen if one party continuously martyrs themselves and the other lords it over them; neither of those stances can help resolve conflict.
This is an interesting thought to me because it suggests to me that perhaps when I struggle with conflict (as I very often do) I can shift my focus from defence and being adversarial because I am determined "not to lose" to instead working towards a win/win- even if I do not like the personality of the other person one tiny bit!

Controversy on the other hand I see as being people satisfying a need to feel "important" by having an opinion on the conflicts of others. It's not something I can see any value in nor a potentially good outcome for anyone that engages in it.


I am very glad I decide to come to the step-work board and join in again because conflict is rife in my life at the moment. Particularly between myself and my ex husband and his wife. Every time a conflict arises I try to be as big and loud as I can because I'm SO determined not to be the good old trusty doormat ever again. So I go looking for allies against them- my mother, grandmother, shamefully sometimes even our daughter...because I feel as though my strength will somehow be increased this way. And in doing that I'm dragging them into controversy, aren't I? So this gives me a lot of food for thought. Maybe I can start trying to pu "principals above personalities" in these conflicts and resolutely seek mutually beneficial outcomes rather than fear and anger based battles. Hmm.

When others experience sadness and difficulty I guess again I can best help by simply supporting and loving them and not by rushing to "strengthen their defences" by taking an adversarial part in their struggle.


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hotrod


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Melly, I agree, negotiating a win- win is a great solution Thanks for your honesty and clarity

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Betty
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