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Post Info TOPIC: Alanon Step 6 (5-24-2018)


Guru

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Alanon Step 6 (5-24-2018)


Step six:"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character

C2C reading page 390. An important part of the sixth step is practicing gratitude. The more I give thanks for my life as it is, the more I can accept the healing that allows me to change and grow
 
s
My share .
It's interesting to note that this step simply asks us to become ready to have our defects removed. I know when I first looked at the list of my defects, I felt that they were old friends that protected me from the pain in the world. I was not sure how to become ready to release them . My sponsor suggested that I simply continue going to meetings, living one day at a time using the slogans to stop reacting, gossiping and criticizing others. That was a huge step in my becoming entirely ready. The most interesting thing that developed was that I finally did see my defects in action and realized, for the first time how destructive they were not only for myself but to others .These defects were not my friends.nor did they protect me, it was then that I realized I had become entirely ready. Living one day at a time focused on myself and filling my  attitudes  with  daily gratitude list was all it took .aww

Step six questions
 
What character defects  have I had to overcome to ask a sponsor for help?
 
What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior?

Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits?
 
Can I make a commitment to share in Al-Anon meeting the power of this step? .

Do I clearly  understand the concept of readiness?

What fears block me from being entirely ready?
 
Which defects of character also contain assets?
 
What can I do to practice a positive trait?

What positive traits did I want to develop?
 
Can I substitute that for a defect that I want to have removed?
 
 
 

 

 


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Betty


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Step six:"Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character"

C2C reading page 390. An important part of the sixth step is practicing gratitude. The more I give thanks for my life as it is, the more I can accept the healing that allows me to change and grow


My share:
I've been working the steps through this board each month.  As we move through the steps, it's more challenging to work beyond the step I'm currently working with my sponsor (step three), because I haven't done the complete searching and fearless moral inventory in step four.  However, I want to continue as best I can. I feel ready to have God remove most of my defects of character.  So many of my defects of character are old survival skills that served me well in the past but now are harmful to both me and others.  I think there are some defects I'm holding onto that I may be afraid to let go.  I'm hopeful that as I work the steps with my sponsor I will see the harm in those defects and become entirely ready. I send my sponsor a gratitude list daily and find being grateful helps.

Step six questions:

What character defects have I had to overcome to ask a sponsor for help?  The ones I'm most aware of at this point are being controlling, being a martyr, overly concerned about how others view me, impatient, judgmental, and engaging in self pity

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior?  I love this suggestion!  Let Go and Let God seems to help me the most in many situations.  I've also practiced Live and Let Live and have found it helps me a great deal.  Two of the lesser discussed slogans that I find personally helpful to substitute for my negative behavior are Think and Listen & Learn because right now as I'm learning the Al-Anon principles, I need to listen and learn from my Al-Anon friends and think before responding to avoid reacting in all situations.

Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits?  Yes, my mother recently had a massive stroke and is paralyzed on her right side and cannot speak.  When she first had her stroke, it was uncertain whether she would survive.  I used my Al-Anon tools a great deal during that crisis.  I let go and let God during that critical time.  It was all I could do and I knew it, although in the past I would have obsessed and tried to control things.  I was also able to respond rather than react to my siblings, realizing that we were all on the same side.  Rather than engaging in conflict, we were unified for the most part. I found it amazing that gratitude was plentiful throughout this time.  I was so grateful to have my siblings so I wasn't alone through this terrifying time.  I was grateful I was off work so I could (and still can) be there to take care of my mom.  I'm grateful to God for carrying us through this and watching over my mom.

Can I make a commitment to share in an Al-Anon meeting the power of this step? Yes, once I have worked it more fully and thoroughly.

Do I clearly understand the concept of readiness?  Yes

What fears block me from being entirely ready?  Hmmm...maybe I'm afraid of losing who I am, although I would be letting go of the worst parts of me.  I think about gossip and work and how I can stay out of it but keep my friendships.  I think that's a fear.  Interestingly, the character trait I hate most is my need for control so I really want to let go of it, but I think there's a little part of me that still wants to believe I have control.  I remind myself I am powerless.  

Which defects of character also contain assets?   I think being controlling shows a confidence in myself that I don't always feel, so that is a positive.  Part of being a martyr is actually a deep caring for my family...but the martyr part is ugly and not a trait I want to carry on.  

What can I do to practice a positive trait?  Use the slogans to remember to Let Go and Let God and to Think, which reminds me not to react.  If I take some time to think, I can respond using a positive trait, rather than my instinct to use a negative trait.  

What positive traits did I want to develop?  Patience, letting go of control, and being non-judgmental

Can I substitute that for a defect that I want to have removed? Yes!



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Guru

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Thank you Growing your honesty and clarity in answering thesequestions to this Step helped me to see more clearly,

__________________
Betty


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Posts: 4
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Step six questions:

What character defects have I had to overcome to ask a sponsor for help? I have sat with self-pity for so long. I finally realized with the help of my sponsor that way of thinking has done nothing, zip, zilch, nada for me! Time to let that go! However, to even ask for help, I had to get to a point of acceptance. I had to truly accept that I was in this position again, and that I could not manage my life! It was hard to let go of control.

What slogan could remind me to find a substitute for negative behavior? I am not sure if it helps negative behavior, but the one I think I like the best and I try to incorporate in everything I do is, "Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't say it mean." I also really like the "Pause." I tend to jump right in and try and solve the problem...sometimes that is not what is needed. Sometimes I end up saying things that can be hurtful b/c I am angry/afraid (frangry?) By pausing, I am responding, not reacting. That is key for me.

Am I able to see challenges as opportunities to practice new character traits? I think so. I am having some issues with my son and his being an "adult" right now, so I am really trying to use my slogans and lean into my new way of behaving. I know that I have used program tools at work, and now that I live on the same property as my parents - and are still somewhat dependent on them - I am finding that I am using a lot of program tools/thinking with them!

Can I make a commitment to share in an Al-Anon meeting the power of this step? Yes. 

Do I clearly understand the concept of readiness? I believe I do.

What fears block me from being entirely ready? Always the fear of being poor... of not having enough... of not being able to pay my debts. Many times, it is what keeps me in my 'stinking thinking.' I know it is what kept me in a miserable marriage dealing with addiction and it's circus for too many years.

Which defects of character also contain assets? Well, being controlling and an excellent manager makes me great at organization, committee chairs, that kind of thing. But while I was managing on the outside, the inside was a train wreck! And I know see my controlling behavior as a really ugly trait. And for me, it is a real serenity stealer!!! My need for perfectionism in myself can lead to some good stuff ie: art pieces, dependability etc.


What can I do to practice a positive trait? I use slogans, but most of all, I check in daily on the MIP forum. I really like reading the Courage 2 Change and ODAAT posts. They help keep me grounded. I also read the daily in the Language of Letting Go by Melanie Beattie. Many times I will email my sponsor about the subject and what I think about it.


What positive traits did I want to develop? I would like to mold my tendency of perfectionism into something that I could still keep and use constructively.

Can I substitute that for a defect that I want to have removed? Yes!



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Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 977
Date:

Hi P@P glad to see you arec posting your thoughts on this important Step in recovery. Your clarity and honesty in working the steps will serve you well. Thanks for sharing the journey

__________________
Betty
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