Thanks much for your service here, Audrey...   

My steps became 10, 11, 12 were based on 8 and 9.

I was much of a victim- and badly needed amends made to me- in my view.

Being vulnerable and receptive made this possible- from time to time. These amends did not show upon neon lights. But as I began to listen and communicate better I could read the wind. And I could accept such humility gracefully and gratefully.

Learning healthy boundaries, over time, helped me a lot with blame and shame. I saw a lot of this thrown around willy-nilly. Not knowing where i stood- at all Confused and conflicted. 

I have been making a Step 9 to an old friend. I had led this person in the wrong direction. i did it with the best of intentions- but it was based on limited knowledge.

So I took time to put this right. And it put the while situation in perspective.

Learning the basics helps put step 9 into perspective.

Thanks. 

To my son, age 31

I said I wanted to make amends and said so over the phone. He lives out of state. He said I didn't need to, because there was nothing to be sorry for. I disagreed with him. I told him that I was sorry to have leaned so much on him while he was still growing up. I spoke with him, about his Dad, like he was my counselor when he was just a teenager. I put too much on him at too young of an age. He said he understood now why I needed to tell him that and accepted it.

Debbie