Step Five Al-Anon

dot · Senior Member

Step Five Al-Anon

Vicky R · Senior Member

hi Dot thanks , yes I do think this part is very important - and to begin with the most difficult for many , but yes it is a great relief when you get to unburden yourself to the right people , and picked this quote because the choosing of them is very important too I think. And then hopefully this becomes an ongoing process of increasing awareness of your faults , and even humour about noticing them as you go along ! I do not believe this process will ever be finished or the search for more people to share recovery with . Find also for me it's good to find a few rather than just one , but that's just me , you like to get different perspectives on what you're doing , llol Vickyr x

"The person to confide in needs to be chosen with care. Experience has shown it is best not to select our spouse , partner , a family member of the alcoholic . They are too close to us or too involved with the events we will discuss . We do not want to choose anyone who might be wounded by our version of events. We need someone who is not involved with our individual situation , who can keep a confidence and listen with empathy . We seek someone who will not criticize us , but who will be able to suggest to us any obvious omissions or to give us insight into how the nature of our wrongs has affected us. We may ask them to help us see patterns in our behaviour and how a defect is often the flip side of a strength"

dot · Senior Member

My recovery came to a halt for a few years when I came to Step Five. I came to Al-Anon with a lot of shame and guilt and feared sharing my wrongs with anyone other than my Higher Power. I always busied myself with clearing up after meetings so no one could get too close to me becase if they did they would probably ask me to leave.

Then on the way home from a meeting in the next town my sponsoer shared something from her past and the floodgate opened. We stopped for coffee and we talked till 3am. When I was finished she hugged me and said she loved me and hoped I felt better. What a relief that was. I could go into a meeting and feel a "part of" - no longer afraid.

What surprises me most is that I became grateful for my experiences even though they caused me pain because I have been able to help others in similar circumstances.

Love in Recovery - Dot

Vicky R · Senior Member

hey thanks Dot , I seem to be getting in here OK at the moment hopefully . I really related to what you shared here about feeling shy to connect with people to begin with and the process of coming out of that is ongoing . And the relief of finding the right people to share with . And yeah even the difficult bits become growth too , unlike when I was younger when it all seemed like so much of a nightmare , will be back soon to answer the other posts ,

llol Vickyr x

Rita G · Member

Paths to Recovery pg 56 - "The defense we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from lving happily and serenely. We can acknowledge these defenses with ondemning ourselves for using them"

For me, Step 5 helps me admit the exact nature of my defects of character, but also lets me know that my HP used some of the character defects to protect me from the disease of alcoholism. Now that I am in recovery, these character defects have served their purpose and are no longer needed. My HP, through working these 12 Steps, the help of my sponsor, attending meetings and my willingness to change, can remove these defects of character One Day at a Time.

In my garden of self, my HP is weeding, pruning, watering, and changing my character defects so that they will bloom into character assets.

Progress not Perfection,

Rita

dot · Senior Member

Hi Rita - Thanks for your post - I love your garden. How beautiful we can become when we are willing to let our Higher Power tend our gardens.

Keep posting - we need you.

Love in Recovery - Dot

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.