From: Paths to Recovery pg. 86 (copyright 1997, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" when I started to make my step eight list I thought I had harmed many , many people. As it turned out , my step four inventory really helped to guide me in this. As I studied the column , 'how I harmed' I noticed I had put people on the list whom I had not harmed. For example , if I had had thoughts about someone , those thoughts were harmful to me because they affected my attitude. On the other hand there were people I didn't put on my list because I had only done something to them because of something they had done to me . I discovered that this justification didn't work because this was my list. I was not responsible for their behaviour nor did blaming them vindicate my wrongs . I also learned that I was harboring guilt for things I had done to hurt another person even though the other person wasn't hurt . All I needed to do was to change my attitude. I even listed people who blamed me for hurting their feelings before I learned that I'm not responsible for how another person feels."


hi Dot , Rita and everyone , I guess willingness is something that develops through faith in the recovery process. I put up this quote because it's interesting how the programme teaches us to discriminate between useful and unnecessary guilt . Being responsible for our part in things but not other peoples' part. It kind of ties in with the humility thing we were looking at in 7 , because it's not always humble to assume that we caused other people to do things. We can make things more difficult by trying to 'fix' someones addiction sometimes but usually the programme teaches us to let others take up their own thing . We didn't cause it cure it or control it we are taught. This was something difficiult for me to learn especially in the early days. You mentioned medication here , yes Alanon does allow for the use of that , it's also somewhere else in the literature , it's one option. Alanon does recommend that we use other resources where appropriate. I find the programme helps to tie together the different elements that we might be using for recovery and to assess them as we go along ,

pleased that you had a good weekend Dot ! some areas do not have many meetings at the weekends so hopefully that means other members are enjoying themselves too !

llol Vickyr x

  Hi, this step is best if we keep it simple.  All I have to do is remember:  Just Become Willing.   That's all this step requests of us.  Three simple words.  Just Become Willing.