From: One day at a time in Alanon pg. 175. (copyright 1992, by Al-anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

"In making an amends , we need to understand that we are not necessarily making an apology. There are differences between amends and apologies . In making an apology , we usually say "I'm sorry" expecting a response of acceptance , pardon or forgiveness. In making an amend we may state our errors , our role in the incident and that we will correct our behaviour for the future. We may or may not ask for forgiveness and we may or may not experience a positive response . In many cases our changed behaviour is a stronger amends than words could ever be. If we have any expectations of the response to an amend we are setting ourselves up for disappointment."

hi Dot and everyone , thanks for that. Interesting point . As I was saying in a recent post my first sponsor felt that I was too free with amends and that this was coming from a vulnerable point of guilt. These days I like to think that my amends are healthier and yes direct where appropriate or possible. Although I do have to watch the safety issues still at times too. It's a good sign too when we find ourselves noting our mistakes to people as we go along in daily life , but again where it's appropriate to do so . The programme also reminds us to include ourselves in the amends and not to treat it as an exercise in further guilt , the 'discomfort' we explore in surrender to the programme , these were the lessons I found useful so far some of it was by word of mouth but from experienced members ,

llol Vickyr x