Step Ten Questions

dot · Senior Member

Step Ten Questions

Christine · Member

dot wrote:

Step Ten - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 1. When might I need to take a spot check? 2. What can I do with my spot check inventory? 3. How did I try to fix anyone today? 4. What can I do to take good care of myself today? How about some comments from some of you. Love in Recovery - Dot

I just read John's post about keeping with step study. I haven't done the steps (not formally at least, I've got a comp program that I work with every now & then) -still looking for a sponsor, but I would like to post here. Hope that's okay?

Per the BB, shouldn't a spot check be done every night? I think it should be done as needed throughout the day.

It seems to me that I would need to keep my mouth shut & ears open more often. I've become increasingly aware how words hurt sometimes. How MY words can hurt other people when my intention wasn't to hurt but just commenting or even making a joke or something. I like the "just for today" summary for that. I will try to keep my side of the street clean.

I find my impulse to fix EVERYONE. Tell them how to do this or that. Another time to shut my mouth too

Not sure how to take care of me yet. Haven't gotten that far. My tendency is to isolate, that's my disease talking, I know. So I go to meetings, they always help my self esteem.

christine

Vicky R · Senior Member

thanks Dot and welcome Christine ! yeah I guess my answer to that today is that there's nothing wrong with a little healthy debate , the thing to watch out for is if the other person is trying to make you responsible for them , trying not to pick up on that , and maybe time to 'mingle' if that arises. The programme also teaches that recovery from codependency is not a simple thing of cutting ourselves off from people, but learning to strike a balance between being either too nasty or too weak , and yes this is something that I need to constantly study , getting that right can be a lifes work in a way sometimes ,

llol Vickyr x

Christine · Member

Thank you, Vicky

I always say "in my head" if not appropriate to say out loud "They have their journey & I have mine." Where their opinions lead them is none of my business. If appropriate, I say my piece & let it go. Or not say anything. Sometimes, it's just not my place to verbalize my thoughts.

You're right, it's IMPOSSIBLE to not associate with EVERY person who hurts you or interferes with your program. Boundaries help. It seems like almost everyone I associate with work or socially has these issues.

It's a balance, I think.

christine

dot · Senior Member

Thank you Christine and Vicky for posting and Welcome Christine. Glad to have you sharing with us Good stuff from both of you.

I always do a 10th Step when I get ready to go to bed. I too have to accept that I don't have all the answers for everyone else nor is my way of doing things the only right way. :):) Sometimes it's very hard to sit back and allow consequences to happen.

Love in Recovery - Dot

mnkygrrlsf · Newbie

Hi, folks - I'm new to this list also, although not new to meetings; have many years, and still going to f2f meetings almost every day.

I 've been doing a nightly tenth step (more or less, certainly not perfectly!) every night. I've usually said the serenity prayer, the third and seventh step prayers, and in the appropriate places thought about my "bondage of self" (from the third step prayer) and what has been my "good and bad" (from the seventh step prayer).

Since it's an inventory, I've listed positive stuff too, not just the negative, but a few days ago I realized that there's a whole area I've been neglecting, and that's "where I've been dishonest". Well doesn't that open up a whole can of worms. I'm having to think specifically about my dishonesty to myself, my hiding "me" from others, not to mention the overt kinds.

You'd think that this would fall into the "good and bad" category, and it should, but I just didn't make the connection. So I broaden and deepen my program, and my recovery, even after this many years in program, and thank G-d for that, that I never stop growing!

Thanks to e1 for my sobriety.

-- Edited by mnkygrrlsf at 17:26, 2006-10-18

wallsal55 · Member

Hmmmm...SPOT CHECKS.....well....I have heard some try to take spot checks 3 times a day... I usually have racing thoughts or rambling thoughts....so that doesn't leave me much time! [Committee in my head at work!] For me, spot checks, do not come natural to me.
If I am having a bad day, I try to pause and have a spot check. Just by saying, "Things are not going so well so far today", I can meditate, clear my mind, and tell myself that my day can start over at any time.

(Finnegan, Begin Again!) Sometimes a coffee/tea break, reading break, for 10-20 minutes, let's me ask myself "what the heck was I focusing on that was causing me grief?" (controlling, fixing, ruminating thoughts, blaming, another's behavior or activity? and so forth)

The best time for me to do a spot check is after dinner and between bedtime, but I like to make it POSITIVE. I like to ask myself "What Went Well Today?" If I can come up with one or more things, I smile a smile for each one. If I cannot come up with anything, I say, "Oh well, can't think of anything, there must have been something (sometimes we do not give ourselves any credit here), BUT tomorrow's another day and it's bound to go better/well." : )

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.