We admitted we were powerless over __drugs_____--that our lives had become unmanageable. (*See Note At bottom)

I worked step one almost one year ago, and it took me over a month to complete.  In working this step I not only learned that I was powerless over my loved ones addiction to drugs, but I am powerless over just about everything in life, but me.  But it was not only learning and reading this step in various literatures, but it was actually the SURRENDERING that gave me the peace I so longed for.  That the act of surrendering, to the powerlessness that the addictions had on my A.  And that no matter how much I tried to control the situations, I usually made them worse than they would have been, if I had just detached myself from each instance. 

And because of the contol I was so eager to demonstrate, my life truly became unmanageable.  Whether I was picking up the pieces that my A had thrown about, or paying bills for the A, or many of the other dysfuntional characteristics, of the enabler, trying to make the A's life comfortable for them because they "can't" do it for themselves.  I was just making "my" life unmanageable. 

Therefore, I also learned of the responsibility that I must take for the events that happened, and vow that I won't participate in helping anyone "kill themself" with drugs, because if I went on with statis quo, I would be helping my A kill themself, and it might be years from now when I might realize that, and how would it be after the fact to start attending Alanon or read Alanon literature, and realize the chain of events that led up to a death, and admit to the fact your participation in the devasting death of a loved one, because you didn't know.

Now I know and I admit I am powerless over the my loved ones addiction to drugs, and that my life has become unmanageable. And I can detach with love, I still can love the person but hate the addiction.

Thank you

lisa