Step Two Questions

dot · Senior Member

Step Two Questions

Vicky R · Senior Member

From: Alanons Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions pg. 13 (Copyright 1981, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" Taking Step One brought us face-to-face with the truth : We were not equal to the task of changing any other human being. We needed more than our human experience to solve the problems of living , especially of living with an alcoholic , whether still drinking or not. "

hi Dot and everyone. I chose this quote as a possible illustration of sanity whether it's an addict we are dealing with or indeed other kinds of problems one of the things that brings many of us here is the obsession with 'fixing' people I think and then coming to the realisation that we ourselves need to learn to ask for and accept help ! Of course it's the alcohol that is the main focus of the programme but I find the slogans can apply to other things as well sometimes ,

Hope your treatment goes well Dot and that you're feeling better soon ,

hug llol Vickyr x

hudsond · Member

I actually think I have a good concept of my HP. It has changed slightly over the past year--I realized this year that I always thought everyone deserved the best in life, I prayed for others hoping good things would come to them--I prayed for myself but I'm not sure I believed my prayers would really be answered. I truly felt the martyr in situations--like if it was a choice between what I wanted and my ex-, that my ex- would win and I wouldn't get my way and by that happening it was b/c down the road my situation could be used to help someone else in their growth as an individual. (This is actually in reference to a time that I thought my ex just might get full custody of my children.) Why did I think that I was to go through pain so others could learn? or so I could help others later? Who did I think I was?

I have realized that God (my HP) does love me. His plans aren't my plans though, but if I will let Him, He will make sure everything turns out fine (maybe not how I want them, but fine!!!)

Sanity for me would be not driving myself crazy with "what if's". "What if": my husband goes back out; my husband finds a woman in AA he connects with b/c she "understands" him better and I am just and "earth" person; my son never is accepted by anyone; the teen years with my daughter are horrible; my husband goes to jail.

The what if's drive me crazy!!! I have got to let them go and let my HP handle everything!!!

At one point in time the alcoholic situation was my HP--I was so focused on it I couldn't think about anything else--I don't want my fears about other things to take that place!! I need to get to a place where even if my husband does go back out I can handle things in a mature,calm, healthy way!!!

Thanks,

Dawn

Davie · Member

Thanks for the questions, Dot. I am 58 yr old woman living in a box. I'm afraid to go outside. I'm afraid to live.

What it would take for me to believe that my HP would restore me to sanity is to actually to have the wisdom I need to change my life. I grew up in an alcoholic family and was the black sheep. I didn't do drugs or alcohol, just always was lost in a family where everyone married with all the trimmings. I do not have much, I live alone, have no car, am in remission from cancer for which I am grateful. I still feel and believe I'm the loser in this family and therefore in the world at large. I think that a big fault I have is that I compare myself with my sisters and brothers and always feel I'm on the loosing end. How can I in a healthy way, divorce myself from this old way. I thought I'd done it, but got waylaid by cancer. I've been in this program for 4 months and thought I was doing better. I feel I get tripped up sometimes and fall back on old thinking, that I'm not worth much.

What it would take then is a move on my HP part. I've asked for wisdom on what I can change. I need help to have sanity just where I am. I'm tired of comparing myself to others, that is the insanity. Its his move.

peggysnowmom · Member

Davie, We all experience when first coming into the program that we are unworthy and we are confused with trying to find ourselfs. You are a really good person and when we work thru the steps we will find that,we can change things in our lives and we will start to feel alot better about our selves. I used to hate to look in the mirror because I hated the person looking back at me. My sponsor told me too look in a mirror and say I am a loving person every day for a month. I really felt alot better about me now. This program works for me, but I know God gave me strenght and support to go on day after day to be the best person I can be. Keep coming back, it does work. Peggy

Theresa · Member

Step Two Questions

Step Two - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

1. What would it take to allow my concept of a Higher Power to change?

Its almost a year in January that I came into the program and the concept of my higher power has begun to evolve. I am learning to trust that he is there for me when I really need him and he always has been. This program has taught me so very much about the things I need to change so that my higher power can give me the graces needed to do his will. I always felt this wall up between me and my higher power and never really understood what that wall consisted of but slowly I am seeing that wall crumble. Little by little.

2. What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

No doubt about it I hope to gain the concept of total peace and serenity, to give up any control

I think I have over people and circumstances and let Gods Will be the most important thing in my life.

3. What does sanity mean to me?

Sanity means for me is Not to have that knot in my stomach when I feel things are not going my way. Not defending myself with my husband or proving to him how right I am or how good I really am. Sanity means saying no when I just don’t have the energy………….

Sanity means not having these crazy expectations of someone else making me happy……..

Sanity is not looking for another beings approval to be content and happy with myself.

4. Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power?

At his point in time……… There is a little confusion for me about this. I am not really sure if I am allowing this to happen.

My husband has sought recovery but as fast as it came, it left. He fired his sponsor and opted out of AA. He has made a decision to go it alone. He is dry!!!!!!!!

He is really having a tough time with trusting me maybe even trusting. Anyone for that matter.

We have very little communication with one another. He tells me nothing about himself or how he is feeling. When I question him about what is going on for him he looks at me like I have 10 heads………….He does share that he cant trust me.I have never been unfaithful to him. My marriage and 4 children mean the world to me. BUT…

When our family went into crisis my husband says I was not there for him at his lowest time. I wasn’t ……….. I too was so wrapped up in my codependency…….. Didn’t know how to give him what he needed. Even if it meant not supporting him over a dispute with another family member………..That is why he claims he cannot trust me……….

We are rarely intimate with one another. When we are…… its great for the moment and then its gone…………. Like we never shared that time with each other.

I’ve let this at one time take over my whole life. It seems I have let some of it go, but still try to do things to get my husbands trust back. Seems like we lost so much……. Its so hard to live with a robot………

Thanks for this opportunity to share and heal.

Theresa

twinkie · Newbie

2. What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

Sanity, serenity and love. I want to feel my HPs presence and know that is times of stress, in times ofpain, in times of fear or feeling isolated that my HP is there for me - always!

3. What does sanity mean to me?

Sanity means clear thinking. Sanity means rational thinking. Sanity means being able to connect with and enjoy life. Sanity means peace of mind and the ability to choose my behaviors and response. Above all sanity means accepting that I have no control over others, no control over situations, only how I engage and act in those times.

4. Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power?

Yes, I was. I was allowing my actions and behaviors to be controlled by my A. My thinking became distorted. My whole life revolved around him. My choices were made with him in mind - how would it affect him? would I upset him? would he like this or that? What about me and what my HP needs from me. That is where i am now.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.