Powerless over people

bgj · Newbie

Powerless over people

Wilted · Newbie

I'm new here too and God is my HP who I couldn't live one day without either. I understand in many ways what you are feeling at this time as my stepdaughter has been incarcerated since last May ('06) for a drug bust. She will not be free until July of 2008, but the good news is that God is working on her while she is away from us and I believe He will bring her true freedom from her addictions during this time.

I am married to an AH who does not want or see that his drinking is affecting our marriage and it is hard because we have not even been married two years yet. I am struggling with letting go and letting God handle him so I certainly have to admit here that I need help in accepting that I am powerless over people also. That's why I am so thankful that my HP led me to this forum where I believe I will see steps in my own healing take place.

Yesterday it was just as clear to me as could be that even though my AH's drinking is affecting our marriage, my attitude about all of this is affecting it too and making my life unmanageable. I do not want to spend the rest of my life letting his actions control mine, so I need to accept that I can change no one but myself and just let God have this man that I love.

I know none of this will be easy, I definitely recognize that I am codependent and have been far longer than I ever imagined. I am rereading "Codependent's Guide to the Twelve Steps, by Melody Beattie" and what is spoken in this book is definitely truths that I need to face and work through. It is not my job to fix anyone and to be honest, I am so weary from all the years and effort I have extended trying to do just that. I'm ready to hand it all over to my HP and let Him make the necessary changes in me that are long overdue.

Wilted

Vicky R · Senior Member

hi bgj and wilted , welcome , thanks for the reminder . To try to find new ways to hand over other peoples problems is always good work to be done in the programme . Hope you find it helpful here ,

llol Vickyr x

dot · Senior Member

Hi Newbies - So glad to have you with us.

After 25 years with an A I finally got into Al-Anon. What a struggle it was at first because I felt I was working so hard to make him happy so he wouldn't drink. When they told me to start takin care of mysaelf instead of him I really didn't think it would work. What an awakening when I started to feel better in spite of his drinking. It also helped me to recopnize the insamity of doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

The program has given me a Higher Power that gives me the courage to meet each day and helps keep me grounded with the wisdom to recognize what is not my business.

Keep coming back - Love in reconery - Dot

Vicky R · Senior Member

thanks for your addition to that Dot. Yes it's amazing when you feel OK in spite of what someone else does. Can't always keep that up all the time yet though ! but no worries we don't have to do the programme perfectly isn't it ,

hope things are going well for you all see you again soon ,

llol Vickyr x

Blessed · Senior Member

POWERLESS OVER PEOPLE

Step #One. We admitted that we were Powerless over our ? and our lives had become unmanageable.

Powerlessness over other people is something that everyone should know but they don't. Especially, aLcoholics. We Love control and we don't like to be told anything. We want to do the telling.
Well, the wake up call is that most people can think for themselves and they don't like being controlled by another person.
Unless, they are Co-Dependant, afraid, or just sick, old, and unable to speak for themselves.

I was Powerless over my Son choosing to continue to drink. I am not Powerless to kick him out of my home.

I am Powerless that he is in trouble with the LAW and may go to JAIL. I am not POWERLESS that I tried everything possible to help him to get the RECOVERY he needed as a JUVENILE.

I was powerless over my drinking. I am not Powerless anymore because I am a member of A.A. God his Son Jesus are my higher Power that I choose to recognize. I am not pushing it down anyone elses throat.
I am POWERLESS over the woman that chooses to lie about her drinking addiction in my house.
I am not POWERLESS to EVICT her for a VIOLATION of A RENTAL AGREEMENT. Or take her to court for such violation.
I am Powerless over attitudes, behaviors, and other peoples problems.
I am with Gods help over my Behavior, attitude, and problems able to solve things that used to baffle me.

Love to you all,
Blessed

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.