STEP ONE Questions - Al-Anon

dot · Senior Member

STEP ONE Questions - Al-Anon

renee · Newbie

I have been a member of AA for over 2 years, but haven't ever used any on-line resources before. So to be honest I don't really know where to begin. Maybe someone can help me. 3 months ago I started RX for Hep C and am not able to get to many meetings. I also have a 3 year old that keeps me pretty busy when I am not sick. I would love to work through the steps with Miracle in Progress but am not really sure what the process is.

Vicky R · Senior Member

Hi Dot , John and Renee , well in answer to those people tend to work on the idea of 'keeping the focus on themselves' in this programme as a starting point at least and then using the programme to cope with whatever happens around you as you go along . I chose this quote as an illustration that I like . Thanks John for stepping in for Dot . hi Renee , I'm not a member of AA so I can't advise you on that but there are AA posts here and you can also join Alanon discussions if you feel there are issues related to someone else's drinking or to family issues I think

hugs llol Vickyr x

From: Courage to Change pg 32 - (copyright 1992 , by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

" when I change my behaviour , the behaviour of those around me may also change , but there is no guarantee that it will change to my liking . today I am learning to make choices because they are good for me , not because of the effect they might have on others "

demilas · Member

Hi. I am married to an alcoholic. I don't know what initials I am supposed to use for that, like AH Co or whatever. Please let me know what the initials stand for. Thank you to everyone that will be working on this with me.

poppy · Newbie

My question is that I was raised by my A parents who were both raised by their A parents and my husband is an A, would I be al-anon or acoa or both? Is it ok that I have been going to the al-anon chat room or should I not because I am acoa too. I feel I have made friends there, but am I intruding? There aren't as many acoa meetings and things and I thought it was ok. Thanks

babynurse77 · Newbie

Hi, I'm new to online meetings. I have been starting my step work for a while and feel like I am not getting anywhere. I know I am powerless over the A and other people but now what?

JoanD · Member

Hi, I'm new to this message board. Been active in Al-Anon and AA for lots of years. Step 1 is helpful to me everyday. My husband is recovering alcoholic, so is my dad. Many nieces, nephews, brother-in law, etc. have alc/drug problems. some are in and out of recovery. Some have no idea yet. I'm powerless over all of these things and people. so easy for me to forget that. When I do, my lefe is DEFINETELY unmanageable. All of these folks , and me, are suffering from the effects of a disease. A disease for which there is hope, and help, but still a disease. I need to always remember that and treat others with the love and respect (and forgiveness, too!) that I hope to get from others. Hard to do all the time.

kathy · Newbie

In reply to "Poppy": To qualify for al-Anon your life must be affected by
someone elses drinking.....and obviously yours has been. You can attend
ACOA. Al-Anon, or both.
I am ACOA but I find more experience, strength and hope in Al-Anon, since my life has been affected by not only my father's drinking, but by my brothers' and my son's and my husband's drinking.
I hope you can make some live meetings.
love in the fellowship,
Kathy

demilas · Member

Hi. I am married to an alcoholic. I don't know what initials I am supposed to use for that, like AH Co or whatever. Please let me know what the initials stand for. Thank you to everyone that will be working on this with me.

ack · Member

Hi to everyone, if you are affected by someone else's drinking and want to recover from it, then this place is fine for you. Doesn't matter if you are also ACA or ISA or whatever. Welcome to Step One.

Step One: I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, and that my life had become unmanagable.

I do know that I'm powerless over alcohol, and my life is unmanagable. They don't seem too connected to each other though.

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?

I do realize he thinks differently. As he said, he is perfect with only one tiny fault. Which is true. However I would just as soon he was more normal with more faults, not to include being drunk on his ass.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them?

I don't think my issue is 'fixing' so much. I think it is just comfortable to me, having been surrounded by alcoholics most or all of my life, it feels normal. I told my husband the other day that I could not help him with any consequences of his drinking, and that I was not and would not be his safety net if something happens. It freaked him out. So with the help of the alanon chat, and discovering how I do enable, (not by covering at work, or buying booze, but by an unspoken agreement that I will take care of things), I was able to at least confront that.

3. Do I trust my own feelings?

Yes.

4. Do I know what they are?

Yes.

ack · Member

babynurse77 wrote:

Hi, I'm new to online meetings. I have been starting my step work for a while and feel like I am not getting anywhere. I know I am powerless over the A and other people but now what?

And has your life become unmanagable? In what way?

Blessed · Senior Member

Hi my name is Blessed.

I am a Christian that is working it through "THE HELP OF GOD HIS SON AND HIS CHILDREN".
I am a recovered Alcoholic and drug addict, a child of an alcoholic and a mother of one, a sister of one and a wife of ????. I still struggle everyday with my flesh (Sin)My tongue can be a weapon.

I have been a member of A.A. and worked the steps with a sponsor several times. I need more spiritually. I will read to you from the workbook starting on the first step.

I am currently working through a workbook called the 12-steps a spiritual journey.

Step# 1 We admitted we were powerless over the effects of our seperation from God-that our lives had become unmanageable.
I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature, for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:18

Step one is giving up control. It's saying that our lives no longer work the way we have lived. We plead for release from the Torment. I've asked for help
Denial has kept me from seeing how powerless I really am over my life. I want to let go. I do!
Step one is scary for most people and overwhelming because we need to look at our lives as they really are. it is threatening to be powerless, and our lives unmanageable. Our behavior doesn't produce peace and serenity.
Our background, whether it has been influenced by alcohol, or other types of family dysfunction has undermined our best plans, desires, and dreams. Even though I am a Christian and proclaimed I am born a new creation; the past is washed clean; I am a new creature; Christ has totally changed me. Our spirits are new. I still have habits and hangups from the past, so we need more than salvation. We need transformation-the hard work of change. To over-spiritualize the initial work of Salvation may be to deny the actual condition of our lives.
The fact that we still feel pain from our past is not a sign of a failed relationship with God. The presence of pain does not lessen the impact of salvation in our lives. This is simply a signal we need to begin the process of healing by daily working the steps with God's help. God will bring the healing and make the necessary changes.

Answers to questions
1. yes
2. yes
3. sometimes
4. sometimes

Blessed · Senior Member

In Step One we come to grips with reality. We know we need help.It has two parts. One is admission, that we have obsessive traits. Traits appear in the way we try to manipulate the affaira of our lives to ease the inner pain of seperateness from God. We are in the grip of an addictive process that has renderred us powerless over our behavior. The second partis admitting that our lives have been and will continue to be unmanagable if we insist on living by our own will.

My Question
1. What is keeping you from recognizing your powerlessness and your lifes unmanageability?

Answer:

Verse: I am worn out ffrom groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow;they fail because of all my foes; PS 6:6-7

Idealsummerluv · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine? I do recognize this. My husband is sober six years with no program. And I wonder if this is still true in his case. Better to focus on myself.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them? Like another person said, it is just what I grew up with and what felt comfortable.

3. Do I trust my own feelings? I trust my intuition. I have a difficult time expressing my feelings, of expressing them outside of alanon.

4. Do I know what they are?No, years of stuffing feelings inside have caused me to feel numb much of the time.

HisAngel · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
Yes, and at times it is painfully obvious.
2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them?
Oh Hell NO.
3. Do I trust my own feelings?
I often find myself confused about my feelings, therefore; I dont trust them much.
4. Do I know what they are?
Well, I am learning. For example I have recently learned that anger fuels many of my fellings and my reaction to those feelings.

poppy · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine? Yes but I don't express any of my thoughts for fear of hurting their feelings and concerned they will hurt mine.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them? Most of the time but I find myself more withdrawn the last couple of years because I just don't have the inner strenght to continue with draining emotional needs put upon me. I also fear people will see all my weaknesses and reject me so I just don't put myself out there.

3. Do I trust my own feelings? No. I seem to feel as the people around me feel, the moods they are in. Lately I try to think how I feel, just me, and its hard to clarify and sort them out. Afraid I will make a mistake.

4. Do I know what they are? No except anger. Often I feel angry and frustrated but I never say anything or voice it because I am so concerned about hurting people. I dont feel worthy most of the time or that they will leave me and I will be alone, despite how unhealthy it may or may not be.

-- Edited by poppy at 22:47, 2007-05-22

-- Edited by poppy at 22:48, 2007-05-22

kathy · Newbie

you said of the first step: "I" admitted "I" was powerless......and that "my" life.......
a powerful thing I learned in the first step was that i was not alone, i.e. "We" admitted "we" were powerless....and "our lives" had become unmanageable.

try to remember that your A is sick - and "being drunk on his ass" is one of the symptoms of his illness. if his illness was a paralyzed leg and he fell, would you be angry about that?

changed attitudes can aid recovery......

Blessed · Senior Member

What a wonderful day today. My husband hasn't had a job in 3 months and it is the first day I have actually tried to be respectful to him. We have been through so many Trials. He has had Cancer, Diabetes 2, and High Blood pressure. I have Chronic Pain, Fibromyalgia, Connective Tissue Disease, then my only child a Son decides he wants the difficult road of life, but through all this we have a sober household a family that we Love and that loves us, a Church we love, Most important is a beautiful God, HIS SON, and The HOLY SPIRIT that Loves us ALL!
So this is only one more trial, who cares. We will make it!
Thanks so much for praying for us!
Love Pam and Jon
I Love being Powerless

MdmDragonfly · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
Yes, I do recognize that.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them? I used to be. Now I am more attracted to confident, reliable, stable people. I do still have a heart for those who are suffering and seem to need 'fixing', but I know that I cannot do it.

3. Do I trust my own feelings? Sometimes. When it comes to my A, however, I am always a mess.

4. Do I know what they are? Yes, though that does not always help with the confusion.

Denoraphy · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
Yes, I do. I used to belive most of what my AH said and thought that I was looking at things wrong or my perception of things was not right, now I realize that he has his own way of looking at things and they are not (usually) the same as mine. I DO NOT waste any of my energies or breath trying to get him to see things how I do anymore.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them? Not anymore.

3. Do I trust my own feelings? Most of the time my instinct tells me when something needs a second thought. If I am not sure, I come to MIP for some ESH.

4. Do I know what they are? I belive I do. I am not usually willing to share them though.

mandalynn38 · Newbie

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?

Yes, I recognize that we are all different from each other. How we deal with things are different too

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them?

Yes, I am attracted to people who seem to need my help.

3. Do I trust my own feelings?

Sometimes, I lead with my heart instead of my head.

4. Do I know what they are?

I think I do. I do not express my anger all that easily.... I tend to hold that inside.

LAD270 · Newbie

Step 1: Al-Anon

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?

Yes, and I am learning to detach when my A's overreact.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them?

Yes, I have a daughter that is an alcoholic and I am trying to help my sister, who is a drug addict, by letting her live with us (up until a week ago).

3. Do I trust my own feelings?

Sometimes.

4. Do I know what they are?

Not always, I am learning to look at myself and question myself before I react.

-- Edited by John at 05:34, 2007-05-21

One Day At A Time.

ann35 · Newbie

You bet I know we're different, because if I ever forget I get a reminder in about 30 sec. We are both people with very strong personalities. I have been aware since at least my teens that I like to be in charge, to fix things, and that I am not the one who is going to ask for help!! Knowing this, I have tried to channel into my helping-type job, and to sort of compartmentalize.

When we married, my AH had been sober 10 years. He was sober another 12 or so after that, and began to drink small amounts when he or I were away. He never drank around me or anyone who knew his history. WE drifted apart--I always have lots of things to do, and nurturing him wasn't one -and a couple of real tragedies happened in our lives. I of course attributed the bad changes in him and us to these things. Only in the last 6 mos. has the drinking become serious, and he actively sought opportunities for us to be apart. I started hinting around, like telling him he smelled funny, but never admitted it to myself. I kept busy, and covered for him when he'd be late, or didn't "feel good" I finally asked, and he told me the truth and went to a meeting.

I usually trust my feelings, and am pretty clear about them. But fear distorts things, and makes me act in ways I shouldnt. Sometimes I analyse too much, and think/worry rather than do.

Azcat · Newbie

Hello all,

New to this site, here goes.

1. Do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
       Yes. I do. Since I just started going to Al-Anon it is still hard to seperate myself from them when they become out of control.

2. Am I attracted to alcoholics and other people who seem to need me to fix them?
    I wouldnt say attracted as in i can fall in love with them, but I do see that I try to help everyone in need which has caused me to wear myself so thin that I almost snapped. I am a self made martyr.

3. Do I trust my own feelings?
     I thought I could, but now I have to ask, why am I helping someone? Is it because they truely need it and I FEEL compationate, loving etc, or is it because I want to be loved deep inside and figure if I help they will like me.

4. Do I know what they are?
     I know I have love, sadness, and anger mostly anger lately.

5. What is keeping you from recognizing your powerlessness and your lifes unmanageablitliy?
    Fear.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.