Further Quotes for EA book "It Works If You Work It" :

(pg 35) "Sanity may be an off-putting concept, until we think back on all the times we'd done the same thing over and over, each time expecting miraculously different results."

My life was based on a series of lies and crisis in my eyes. And I had had so many life 'situations' through my childhood......young parents, divorce, shuffled between, one parent finally abandoning, quiet for a few years then remarriage with numerous step siblings and me the only other 'one'. It was hell.

I wanted and desperately needed to be true to me......also desperate for love to the point of turning myself inside out for it.......I started to do the same thing over and over (try to win my stepmom's approval and love, and regain my dad's and live in peace with my step-siblings) but nothing worked.....

I finally left, stayed fairly clean and sober, divorced myself from family, but found my emotions and reactions were always so big.....and that I acted out in other ways. Isolating myself from others, 'doing it all by myself' - these things worked as long as I did my life fairly 'alone'.

But as I 'looked back' I found I would bump into the same impossible scenarios in work situations, and other relationships......almost as if inviting the family situation back in....hoping THIS TIME I would know what to do......I'd attended courses on communication, done extensive therapy, read every self-help book available, attended university.......just so I was 'prepared' to handle difficult situations yet remain me.  End result was always the same - I would blow out my emotional and physical health in the trying. I also carried my family on my back like a turtle until I was 30, anxious for their approval and love....even when I didn't engage with them often.

I began suffering from anxiety, depression and panic attacks. All at once of course. Nothing simple for me! 

I take some medication for the worst of the symptoms...believe me, this was a choice I really had to work hard with HP on......I was totally again medication of any sort.....but would a diabetic refuse insulin? We found a med that didn't 'blanket' me...and allows me to work Program and life in general.

I'm hopeful one day I will no longer need any, but for now I am on the lowest dose and I am pretty 'sane'. For other fellowships I know this probably would appear unacceptable. But for me the challenge was to accept 'help', not keep rejecting it.....pills etc. were a major no-no in my book....talk about a reverse struggle! I figure my HP didn't turn his back when they created this type of medication.  Just my 2 cents. HP knows I am open to a medication free existence - HP will lead the way.

Step 2 offered/offers me hope in understanding what 'sanity' looks like, and not try to 'create' it all by myself. It suggests there is a loving power greater than myself willing to support my recovery. It suggests that Power doesn't have to fit any forms or restrictions from my past or any other 'doctrine'. The EA Program itself is a box of tools for me to use too.

As written further on page 35 in IWIYWI book:"We realize that this step (2)involves transforming our perception of reality. We understand that following the program will mean leaving many of our egocentric behaviors behind and moving toward a higher, more spiritual existence. Step Two helps us envision this existence as being "restored to sanity", and in that statement we find hope for the future."

I love the April 8 meditation for my EA Today book:

"There seems to be a lot of contention about the concept of a Higher Power. Many easily accept the idea. Others find difficulty with it and blame their inability to acknowledge a Higher Power on what they perceive as logic. When we apply this to Step Two we can see that no matter how we try to define our understanding of our Higher Power we will come to a point where our concept does not make any sense. This we cannot change. Can I accept my Higher Power on its own terms, even though my Higher Power eludes logic?

Meditation for Today

To you whom I call my Higher Power, help me to believe You can restore balance to my life. Help me to avoid shading my understanding of You by molding You to my own ability to perceive.

Today I Will Remember

To logic, the Higher Power is profound."

Over the years I have begun to learn the 'gift' of loving myself, just as I am......that my humaness isn't something I need to despise......there is a Higher Power greater than myself willing to elude my 'logic' but still support my growth and sanity......

Yours in program........