Step Five Al-Anon

Dot · Member

Step Five Al-Anon

Dot · Member

I didn't choose the person I shared my 5th Step with - my Higher Power did. One night after a meeting she talked about an experience she had and it opened the floodgates for me. I had been preparing to do it but was fearful about whom to choose because I had a lot of guilt and shame. This person only knew me in al-Anon so had no knowledge of who I was before I came here. Sharing my story with her was like a weight being lifted from me. She hugged me and said she loved me and that I would be ok - just keep coming back and do the action the program suggested.
The next meeting I went to I no longer had to keep busy cleaning up but could visit with other members. Before this I had been afraid someone would try to get close to me or that I would say the wrong thing and they would find out who I really was.
I was no longer the same person. I still had a lot of work to do but I had a program and a sponsor to guide me who loved me.

Love in recovery - Dot

heart was light and I had a program to help me and a sponsor to guide me who loved me.

Love in recovery - Dot

-- Edited by Dot at 19:47, 2008-03-09

Serenity · Member

Good Morning Dot,

This step scares me.

This step seems almost impossible for me to do.

This step seems to offer an insurmountable obstacle for I have not the faintest idea who is going to walk this step with me.

As I mentioned in Step 4, a couple of the things that came up then enabled me to actually walk straight through Step 5 and it was a wonderful experience, a miracle in itself. However, I know that for the rest of the things, events, people that I identified in my Step 4 inventory I cannot begin to conceive a way forward from and have no idea who or where to turn to in order to complete the process.

Now I am undone, and my serenity escapes me. I need a miracle in order to go further.

Dot · Member

Hi Serenity - For me Step 5 is sharing the nature of our wrongs - not necessarily the exact event or person. It helped me to understand what caused me to do things the way I did. I found that the underlying cause of a lot was fear.

I'm not sure if this makes sense to you or if I understand just what is upsetting your serenity but I hear your pain and if you want to e-mail me feel free - dotvalleau@sbcglobal.net

Hopefully others will share some experiences that will help you.

Love and hugs - Dot

Serenity · Member

Good Evening Dot,

My concern lies in the other person who will be involved in this step with me. I do not know who I can ask, or who I should ask. That is my dilemma.

My Sponsor has suggested that I look for another Sponsor to walk step 5 with, simply because our relationship is too distant. By that I mean by air miles. This was suggested when I first approached my Sponsor before embarking on Step 4. I agreed to this and I am still happy that I was asked to consider this when the time is right.

However, I do not want you to think that I have a problem with my present Sponsor for I do not and, I know that it would be fair to say that we both enjoy our relationship within this sphere perfectly. Both of us have grown and learned things from each other.

It is my situation that makes it difficult to search for a Sponsor for this step. And as I have not yet got to grips with the process I feel that I need to go think about this one further.

The immediate problem I have with the step is because of my lack of complete understanding for and of the necessity of that other person. Just what am I meant to be sharing with the other.

Dot, sometimes I feel that I am dumb with little intellect. I am not sure what I am really doing in this step.

Dot · Member

Hi Serenity - Sometimes I didn't always understand what I was supposed to do and I found I had to go back to the previous Step or Steps before I could go on with a comfortable feeling.

Perhaps as you can't get to f2f meetings and become comfortable with another person you can tell your Higher Power that you are willing and when the time is right please make it possible for you to complete this Step. In the meantime go on with your program to the best of your ability - that's really all our Higher Power asks of us.

When I have felt dumb, confused or overwhelmed I needed to step back and coast for awhile - read everyday - talk to my sponsor - listen at meetings - for you listen at on-line meetings - and talk to my Higher Power. Eventually help comes - I never know how or when to expect it - but it always comes. I stepped back from the 5th Step for a long long time and when the time was right my Higher Power put the right person in my life.

Remember we practice this program to the best of our ability with what we have at the time.

Love and hugs - Dot

getoverit · Veteran Member

Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

From: Paths to Recovery pg. 54 - (copyright 1995, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

It is my intention to make a song of my admission to God/dess then to myself and to another human being the exact nature of our wrong. It suggested here to focus more toward the exact nature of as opposed to listing the masking of the nature of my wrongs over the behaviour.

I fear I am getting dreadfully away from a tunes of nursery rhymes -- however, I'm doing my best to get to the simplicity of the nature of my wrongs, or the seed from where my wrongs hide. They hide out waiting to surprise me as they come rolling off my lips and through my teeth or off my fingertips. The exact nature of my wrongs seemingly come from my need to believe that I actually have control over people, places and / or things.

IF it could be this step could be sung to the tune of bringing home a baby bumblebee perfectly, and so I shall. I do encourage other's to go easy on it -- sure the steps are circular and build on one another. Only their meanings change as clarity is continually seen and put into perspective. A favored slogan is simply 'what was I thinking..' again, lightly considered, perhaps to remember to even smile again.
Oceans of love 2 all
getoverit

Vicky R · Senior Member

Step Five - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

From: Paths to Recovery pg. 55 - (copyright 1995, by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Limited use by express written permission of Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.)

Quote :

" It is important to explore not only the list of events, but also the "exact nature of our wrongs." We seek to know ourselves more fully, therefore we examine our deeds and the reasons for them. Without excusing our behavior, we try to recognize what basic need or fear was operating when we behaved as we did. Taken in context many of our behaviors made sense at the time. For instance, there are experiences where mistrust was appropriate. We may have been dealing with people and events who were out of control or dangerous. The defenses we learned served us well in alcoholic and other unhealthy situations, but now they keep us from living happily and serenely. We can acknowledge these defenses without condemning ourselves for using them. Our confidante is sometimes able to help us understnad the exact namture of our wrongs. As we share, we may discover that we need further thought and meditation. In either case, we do the bst we can at the time - and move on. "

Hi Dot and everyone. I have had alot of business trips recently, it's good to read you all again. Your quote reminds us of the importance of choosing confidants that make us feel comfortable about looking at our defects. As far as is humanly possible of course - we all find that our sponsors and Alanon friends are not perfect ! Choosing the right people gives us a chance - to continue to look at it ourselves without being bossed about for a change. It's important that we are ready to look at something. And that we allow ourselves the space to process it in feeling 'faciliated' rather than instructed. Then we can learn to trust the new and healthier people in our lives as we heal from those of our past, not always an easy thing to do.

love in recovery Vickyr x

Blessed · Senior Member

Step 5 - Admitted to God, to Ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Step 5 for me the first time took about 11 hours to complete with my then Sponsor. Bless her heart! I had over 380 plus people on my 4th step. The reason I had so many people on my 4th step was because I wrote everything down in book form. From the time I first picked up at 13, until February 19th, 1994, at 38 years old.

What came out was a long History of stuffed down regrets, pain, guilt, remourse, resentments, blame, shame, anger, confussion, hatred, self-loathing, selfishness, low self-esteem, fear, worry, contempt, evil, and the list can go on. I had to learn how to Forgive myself and others that had harmed me,.

Even in abuse situations I took care of my side of the street by Forgiving the person that raped me, or molested me as a child, or beat me, and that list goes on. The Steps are a gateway to Freedom. Being completely honest with yourself and with God (who already knows everything we do anyway) and a Pastor, or Sponsor to listen to you, whoever you choose to share with.

The 5th Step is the Step that brought me Freedom to go on to the next Step. You see I was told that I would have a Spiritual Awakening as a result of these Steps after Step 12. So I wanted to do them thoroughly. I have had more than a Spiritual Awakening, I have a life full of FAITH in The Lord. That was 14 years ago!

Thanks to you all for being here,
Blessed

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