Humbly asked to remove our shortcomings. I'm not clear why the word humbly was added. Maybe it is because if I thought, or felt, or believed I could do it myself, then ..... What is that alanon joke, if you are not satisfied we will gladly return your despair.

I believe this step is about change at the level of my heart.  My ego does not get quiet because I ask it to. My desires do not go away by repressing them.

I have experiences that bolster my trust in this process.  I won't tell you what they are.  All I'll say is they were not what I anticipated.

Awareness of what is, is humbling. I don't go any farther than that. I like leaving it right there, simple. It's up to each individual to describe and know for themselves what is. I have a tendency to point my finger outward. Alanon instructs me to turn it back on myself. My feelings of isolation, different than, less than, seem to dictate a need to assign a cause and delegate some blame.  That has not brought me peace. I've been working on a false belief If I understand then I will be able to change things to suit my needs.  Understanding has not brought me peace.  My ideas have not been supported by my experience.

In Alanon we are encouraged to not share about the alcoholic. That seems to be the hardest aspect at most meetings I attend. This difficulty, putting the focus on myself, seems to be an example of 'Sometimes it is easier to fight a war against a known enemy than come to a humble understanding.' I am in awe and revived by watching and participating in this process of unfolding and letting go. There is alot of courage in alanon meetings I attend.

The 7th step is a mystery to me, and I'm content with leaving it as that. It's easy for me to accept I am not in charge because during meditation it is clear there is really little stopping going on. And if there was, how would I know? My thoughts, my feelings, go on as they have always done.

The middle road with no specific outcome and no explanation of why I feel the way I do, is what and where I practice. It's something I work at, or it works me. If I am a ship in a storm, I choose to stay in the storm rather than seek safety of a dock. That is a concious choice today but for years I have wondered if it was a masochistic, self fulfilling, victim role, self pity decision. I don't regret choosing but I also don't remember a day where I actually chose. Rather, I feel the path chose me. Whatever is your path, I honor the light that shines within you (Namaste).

-- Edited by dawg at 23:18, 2008-05-05

-- Edited by dawg at 16:32, 2008-05-06