from the "12 Steps and 12 Traditions" book

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

  "Steps 8 and 9 are concerned with personal relations. First, we take a look backward and try to discover where we have been at fault; next we make a vigorous attempt to repair the damage we have done; and third, having thus cleaned away the debris of the past, we consider how, with our newfound knowledge of ourselves, we may develop the best possible relations with every human being we know...

  "This is a very large order. It is a task which we may perform with increasing skill, but never really finish. Learning how to live in the greatest peace, partnership, and brotherhood with all men and women, of whatever description, is a moving and fascinating adventure...

  "Since defective relations with other human beings have nearly always been the immediate cause of our woes... no field of investigation could yield moe satisfying and valuable rewards than this one. Calm, thoughful reflection upon personal relations can deepen our insight...

  "We might next ask ourselves what we mean when we say that we have 'harmed' other people. What kinds of 'harm' do people do to one another, anyway? ... If our tempers are consistently bad, we arouse anger in others. If we lie or cheat, we deprive others not only of their worldly goods, but of their emotional security and peace of mind... If our sex conduct is selfish, we may excite jealousy, misery, and a strong desire to retaliate...

  "Let us think of some of the subtler [things] which can be quite as damaging. Suppose that in our family lives we happen to be miserly, irresponsible, callous, or cold. Suppose that we are irritable, critical, impatient, and humorless. Suppose we lavish attention uon one member of the family and neglect the others. What happens when we try to dominate the whole family, either by a rule of iron or by a constant outpouring of minute directions for just how their lives should be lived from hour to hour? What happens when we wallow in depression, self-pity oozing from every pore, and inflict that upon those about us?  Such a roster of harms done others - the kind that makes daily living with us... difficult and often unbearable - could be extended almost indefinitely...

  "Having carefully surveyed this whole area of human relations, and having described exactly what personality traits in us injured and disturbed others, we can now commence to ransack memory for the people to whom we have given offense... We shall want to hold ourselves to the course of admitting the things we have done, meanwhile forgiving the wrongs done to us, real or fancied. We should avoid extreme judgements, both of ourselves and of others involved. We must not exaggerate our defects or theirs. A quiet, objective view will be our steadfast aim."