Sharing Step work with your non-addict spouse- your opinion- yes or no...

Kelly C · Newbie

Sharing Step work with your non-addict spouse- your opinion- yes or no...

Dave Harm · Veteran Member

Just my opinion...

If they are not in an al-anon type program, they'll won't understand what you're talking about.

I used to share my thoughts with my wife (now ex) and it intimidated her. She had no idea what I was talking about and didn't care to learn.

Kelly C · Newbie

Thanks Dave,

I pretty much knew the answer but the day I posted this I was really struggling. He is not open-minded what so ever. My sponsor suggested meeting with him to answer any questions he may have or even just to meet him. We went to dinner. Thought he was going to jump across the table at me a couple of times. He told her "how can you help her? You're a ticking time bomb like her." and "all addicts don't have a conscience and never will". He is angry and has every right to be but at some point he needs to let go so he can enjoy life right now. He won't though. I know he won't. It's sad and I can feel my marriage slowly ending and I feel so powerless over it. I pray everyday about it.

thanks again
Kelly

Vicky R · Senior Member

Hi Kelly,

thanks for that. i'm just struggling with the same thing! not in a spouse but in
general people that need Al-Anon and don't realise it seem more difficult to
me than some of the alcoholics! I feel as if I'm being exposed to my own
problem and feel exasperated watching them 'get it all wrong' according to
myslef that has been in the programme a while. Have to remember I'm not
the Higher Power I guess. The programme is the HP for me and each person
is capable of accessing it independently. So I have to watch them 'enableing\
the alcoholic' and stand powerless over it. Which is quite hard sometimes!

lloll Vickyr x

Toricross · Newbie

Very angry that my spouse thinks I am not trying to understand and support him. I AM!!! This at times feels so frustrating I had to understand when he was drinking and selfish and uncaring. Now he wants me to understand him being selfish and emotionally not there for me because it's a better cause now. Again its all about him. This entire relationship has been about him and what was best for him. I am at my last straw how can u hurt people u say u love and then when u wake from your fantasy world be angry at the person that loves u and has had your best intrest the entire time. How dare u blame me for having feelings and enduring your painful ways then turn on me when u begin to get better u to me are ungrateful. I am both angry and hurt. Hate consumes me at times.

Aliyah · Newbie

Thank you Tori for that insite. I didn't realize how selfish I have been. I personally need to figure out what is in my mind right now, it's all different being sober.

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