1. Do I accept that I can't control another person's drinking? Another person's behavior?

Even though I would like to believe that I have the ability to control anothers persons drinking, I do understand that I cannot control it.  It upsets me terribly when I see another persons behavior when under the influence.  It is embarrassing to me and I am not even the one under the influence with the behavior problem.  It is their body, their mind and their concequences in the end.

2. How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond?

Unfortunelty i do not respond very well.  I admit this.  I am a person that worries about the law, the concequences, the reprocutions.  Therefor if i am trying to get an alcoholic to do what i want them to, it is usually to keep them out of harms way. When then refuse I usually get angry and then I try to fall back on my 3c's. and back away from the situation.

3. How can I let go of others' problems instead of trying to fix them?

Being a caregiver it is hard to walk away but it is like a child learning how to walk.  you need to allow the child to fall down.  If you constantly hold the childs hand he will not depend on his own legs.  He will never learn.

4. Do I say "yes" when I want to say "no"? What happens to my ability to manage my life when I do this?

Honestly I still have problem with that.  Standing up for yourself is difficult enough when you dont have a problem. When yes comes out instead of no, I find myself doing things resentful, with an angry heart.  Allot of times using no requires tough love.  If it was not hard it would not have been called tough love.

Hi Moonstone,

I believe the questions come from Paths to Recovery which is Alanon approved literature.

Angelina