--Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.--

...Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and be rid of, the things in our ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values.

We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our mak-up which caused our failure. Being convinces that self, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common manifestations.

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics thatn anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malday is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked our selves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that out self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships(including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up."

On our grudge lislt we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem, our securyity, our ambitions, our personal, or sex relations, which had been interfered with?

We were usually as definite as this example:

I'm resentful at:                                     The Cause                       Affects my:

Mr Brown                                               His attention to my wife       Sex relations

                                                           Told my wife of my mistress    Self-esteem(fear)

                                                            Brown may get my job          Security

Mrs Jones                                              She's a nut-she snubbed me.   Self-esteem(fear) 

                                                            She committed husband for drinking.                                          

 My Employer                                                            Unreasonable-Unjust

                                                           Overbearing-Threatens to fire me     Self esteem

                                                            for drinking and padding the           Security

                                                            expense account.

My wife                                                   Misunderstands and nags.             Pride

                                                              Likes Brown. Wants to put           Personal &

                                                              the house in her name.                sex relation

                                                                                                             Security

                                                                                                             (fear)

We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished we considered iti carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most people ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and we stayed sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have out own way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whaose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it isi fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut outselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics they are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doings of others, real or fancied, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments had to be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away anymore than alcohol.

This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps  spiritually sick. Though we di d not like their symtoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like us, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will showo us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every one.

Referrring to our list again. Puttitng out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person entirely. Where were we to blame? The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

Notice that the word fear is bracketed alongside the difficulties with Mr Brown, Mrs Jones, the employer, and the wife. This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstance which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection to them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once  had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way-we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apoogize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what he can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.

Alcoholics Anonymous pp 63-68

**I know this is a long one...but Step four is the beginning of peeling off the layers to find the true self beneath. I have more to post on this step, it is straight out of the big book. This is where the work truly begins, and we start to discover what recovery is all about.  I will post the rest of this step later on tonight.

Love, cheri