Step Three - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.
1. How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?

The decision brings me great relief. 

2. How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?

I have felt the presence of the Higher Power all of my life.  I have had premonitions since I was a child.  They began as recurring dreams (nightmares).  Eventually, they became something more.  I knew these could only be coming from a Higher Power.

These premonitions would let me know of traumatic events within my family, or provide me with information to help me or sometimes another.  Here are two examples: 

Premonition as a child:  I would have dreams of my mother trying to kill herself (putting her head in the oven).  These dreams began when I was as young as 7-years-old.  My mother attempted her suicide when I was 32-years-old.  That’s when that specific dream stopped.

Premonition as an adult:  I went to lunch with a group of people from work.  One of the women knew about my premonitions and started calling me a witch (I do not like being called a witch) because I could tell – with the other person’s permission – what illness the other person had.  One of the men at the luncheon got really nervous.  (He was a devout Southern Baptist).  I told the women to stop.  The man who was nervous – suddenly stopped being nervous – became immediately belligerent and said, “Okay – if you have this GIFT FROM GOD then tell me what illness I have!”  I looked at him – I was still angry that I was being forced to do this by the women – now by him - and AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT – I agreed.

I asked him specifically:  “Do I have your permission?”  He said “Yes.”   I told him about his kidney stones (which he already knew he had).  I told him that he could take care of his kidney stones so he wouldn’t need hospitalization, but, he thought my knowing and telling him was the work of the devil.   

He went to the Pastor of his church.  The Pastor of his church told him that I had been given a gift from God, but, he still didn’t believe it was a gift from God.  SO – what did he do – he let his kidney stones get real bad and he ended up in the hospital and had to have the kidney stones laser-blasted.   

3. How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?

Well – it helps in a lot of ways. 

First of all, my Higher Power acts out of Love, not out of fear.  Since I have been living in fear most of the time, I probably don’t make the right decisions.   

Secondly, we all make our own mistakes in life.   By turning my will and life over to the care of my Higher Power, I know that I should not try to “fix” everything.  That really doesn’t help in the long run.  It doesn’t teach my daughter to be responsible for her own actions. 

Even now – as I wrote those words…I broke down and cried.  She hasn’t talked to me since June 19th.  (When I told her to leave, and that I wasn’t going to take the abuse any longer.)  Even though she has abused me in her relationship with me for years and years, I still love her.  She stopped talking to her father 9 months ago (because he said he wouldn’t take her abuse any longer).  She threatened me before she left that she would do the same to me.  I don’t doubt her threat.  I know that she is punishing me and that I may never see her or hear from her, ever again. 

I really need to trust in my Higher Power that she will be safe.  That the Higher Power’s Love will embrace her, care for her, guide her, in a way that I was unable as a mother.  I have to believe that the Higher Power will continue to let my daughter know that I love her, too.

4. What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?

Not sure what this question is asking.  If this question is asking that I see we are “equal under God’s eyes”…then yes, I do not distinguish between colour, race, religion, etc.  I have, however, been told that I do have one prejudice:  I am prejudiced against people who are prejudiced.