What do you believe are your major strengths?

Patience; able to help others who are truly in need; able to help others to are sick/dying with love, empathy and compassion; able to know when young children are lying; able to complete projects that I start; able to be a loyal friend; I am a hard, reliable, dependable worker; able to sing on-key; able to play some musical instruments; able to complete my college degree; able to get out of a bad marriage (twice); able to swim; able to program the VCR; able to learn new software when needed for work or pleasure; able to enjoy and play some video games; able to love myself enough to tell people to stop abusing me.

What do you believe are your major weaknesses?

FEAR of being abandoned; AFRAID of people when they are drunk; Intolerance of stupidity; Intolerance of prejudice; I take myself too seriously/I don't have enough fun; I over-react when I shouldn't; I'm insecure - not enough self-confidence; I'm anal (house is too clean and organized)

Ideas, beliefs, attitudes can be changed if we recognize how they helped us in the past, but are not helping us any longer.  What dominant idea, belief or attitude do you need to change the most?

My mother told me every day of my life that I was an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy...and she wished that I had never been born.  I grew up hearing these words every day - many time/day.  I believed that every problem, every argument, everything was due to the fact that I was born. If I had not been born - my mother's life would be better. 

Quoting my mother:  I'm in the way - I'm just a pain in the ass.  If I were not alive - everyone else's lives would be better.  I'm a bad girl.  Everything I do is wrong.  To be a good girl, I have to stay out of the way.  No one would see me and no one would hear me.  Here is a poem I wrote about my mother:

Mom

I asked about your dreams.

You said they detailed

shopping and cleaning

sewing and mending,

ordered and predictable,

down to each day’s menu.

Your dresses, all short-sleeve pastels, line your closet

like the rows of snap-dragons in the garden.

Yellow for church days, pink and blue for weekdays,

and green, your favorite, for weddings and holidays.

I asked if you loved me.

You said that you fed me,

gave me a place to sleep,

took care of me,

like the African violets

in the living room window.

You reminded me how I came unexpected,

interrupting your daily routine

with my needs and illnesses, schooling and

questions.

I asked what you desired.

You said,

To be left alone.