Affraid to start Steps

Kathy570 · Member

Affraid to start Steps

jemco518 · Newbie

Kathy570 wrote:

Mon. July 18 Hello

I have been to about 5 - 6 Al Anon meetings but still feel I don't belong. Its like they have their own click. I tried to share at last Wed meeting, was told to talk to others after the meeting & when I tried I felt I was just sort of ignored. 10 minutes after the meeting ended, I was still standing there watching everyone hug each other good night but they avoided me like the plague. . Yours in Recovery Kathy570

Hi Kathy570 my name is Jo-Ann and I have been a grateful member of Al-Anon for almost 5 years. I am sorry that your experience has not been so good. We usually tell newcomers to go to 6 meetings to get see if they belong....most know they do after the first 1 or 2 but it sure sounds like you have not had a good experience so far. I have a couple of suggestions for you that may possibly turn things around.

I know that in the two groups I attend we encourage the newcomers to attend 6 meetings...but they do not have to be the SAME meeting rooms for all 6. I don't know if you have or not but try going to different meetings if they are available to you. No two groups are alike just as no two of us are alike you may find another group where you will feel more comfortable.

Since I do not know what or HOW you shared in that Wednesday's meeting(remember these meetings are for us to recover, not to bash the alcoholic, take their inventory or play the blame game) I cannot addres it specifically. However I understand the feeling that comes over you when people are "ignoring" you at or after a meeting...but wait...were they really or were you a little uncomfortable and perhaps gave off a vibe of "don't come near me"? In both of the groups I attend those of us that have been there awhile will approach any newcomers after the meeting to encourage them to ask questions, offer them literature etc.

However I am not perfect LOL and there are certainly days when I do not feel like reaching out or I am just so absorbed in my own stuff that I race out after the meeting anxious to get home.

The last suggestion I have is "Keep Coming Back". And this only refers to coming to A meeting not necessarily your current meeting.

Good Luck

cheri · Veteran Member

Kathy,

I've been gone for a week and just read your post. I pray that you will see this. You write that you skipped the 4th step in your AA recovery...you need to do this step. You cannot begin to recover without it. It is a frightening step but the relief and comfort you will recieve from your Creator afterwards is so amazing...there are no words to describe it. Right now I think you would describe yourself as stark raving sober...there is a light at the end but the steps are the only way to get there, as I found out.
You cannot feel better about your family and others around you until you begin to feel good about yourself first. Please send me a private message with your email or phone number if you would like to talk privately. I would be happy to get in touch with you and help in any way I can.
Love, cheri

luckey · Newbie

kathy
it was very hard for me to get started on step 4 my sponsor suggested i start at 1st things 1st buy a notebook pray for the willingness and then write my name i am an alcoholic it took me a long time to get started but when i started it just seemed to keep filling the pages.were there is pain there is growth. i began to know some freedom when i did step 4&5.my heart when out to you i can remember all the pain and turmoil of fighting with myself over these

dawg · Member

I'm sorry you had a bad experience at an ALANON meeting. Maybe a different group will be different for you.

I've been going into my head to try and figure out something. That has been how I survived. I dismantle, and I put back together. What I'm learning is the feelings, the long repressed feelings, have energy. They exist without words. They exist sometimes for no apparent logical reason. One of the ways I have been able to access more of my feelings, is to listen. Going to meetings and just listening, not needing anything, no expectations, has been a life saver for me. There is a wealth of experience available. I hope you keep coming back. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Birdinthewoods · Newbie

Hi - I'm new to the group and meet all of your criteria as well. A, now this, and ACOC -

I'll share this experience with you. I was brave enough in one meeting to state that I felt like everybody else knew each other and I was the only one on the outside. Their suggestion was to ask a question versus sharing. Lots of people love to try to help and so someone will usually share some more with you after a meeting in response to a question. (seems like a lot of what goes on here).

The other thing was to be brave and have a movie night - just get a DVD and some popcorn and invite some people. If the people are associated with any program they'll probably participate but it takes a lot less courage to do it the second time.

Good Luck

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.