looking for help with the 4th and 5th step !...

scorpianwoman · Newbie

looking for help with the 4th and 5th step !...

Desirae · Veteran Member

there is some great information on step four by another member at : http://stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark?aBID=42763

Desirae · Veteran Member

I am working on it ... again... and doing much better this time around with a sponsor by my side

wheetie · Newbie

I have found that working the steps is all I have to concentrate on...just doing it. I try not to let them work me, or rule over me. It helped me to think of step 4 as gathering the trash, then step 5 as taking it out to the curb where it was hauled off, never to be my problem again. I never run after the trash truck going "wait, wait - I want that back". This helps me because I remember the trash truck will be back next week - so if I missed something or create more trash....I can get rid of it next week.

Also - that as I gather my trash - I am leaving room for all my good stuff. My couch is cleared off so I can relax....my kitchen is clean so I can nourish myself and my family.

I am not just a person full of cruddy stuff I want to get off my chest. I have made some great choices and have some talents and virtues...those should be inventoried too - and then I thank God for them.

Step 4 and 5 are for your benefit....hard, but very rewarding. God bless!

scorpianwoman · Newbie

ty u for your replies :) ...And i'm taking all on board I really like the trash idea...makes sense to me ! it's taking time but i'm slowly getting there ! .. I have many virtuies and faults each is important and all need atention ....even in understanding that allows me to grow spiritually... ty both for ur imput i gives me guidance..blessed be :)

alldone · Member

I am doing the 12 steps in 1 month as part of a 'back to basics' program. I accomplished steps 4,5,and 6 this week. I used the worksheet with the deficiances at the left and the people I had probs with at the top. Dont overthink step 4 or fear doing it. It is just a very important step to help you get closer to your HP. Maybe pray about it and then put pen to paper and let it flow. It doesnt have to be perfect. Good luck

Fyne Spirit · Member

I have only recently discovered the b2b approach and have used it one on one and in a workshop setting with 4 member with one month to 1 year sobrieties. All are still sober and all seem to have experienced a profound change in their lives. There is more joy and serenity than before, it has been amazing and a real privilage to watch. 'course I got a lot of joy from it myself which is how these things often go! Very wise words on 4. Those that took me through the fourth were closer to the old ways and kept it simple for me. As the book says p72 "we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is". We are not writing an epic novel, nor was I capable of much in that line when I came in. I needed to take the steps to recover, the idea of recovering to take the steps was never going to happen for me. I would love to hear more of your experiences with b2b.

God bless
Mike.

alldone · Member

The B2B is in the style of how it was done in the 40's. You sit when you recite the prayers. I call it a 'fast track' to the steps. There is a book available written by Wally P. What is neat is that the guy taking me thru the steps has been in contact with Wally P and uses him for valuable resources. I am really glad I found this program and it is very close to my house so it makes it all the more better for a drunk like me.

Fyne Spirit · Member

Thanks Alldone,
I have Wally's book and the work folder, although the 4 hour steps format I have been using is based on a multi fellowship workshop by Cameron F in Canada, who worked with Wally to develop his format. The key difference seems to be around the 4th step which is a little more formatted in Camerons version. I feel this is more useful as it gives a more structured approach to later steps, but, you see, that is only my opinion and my opinion didn't get a 75% recovery rate! So I am keeping an open mind and would be delighted to hear anything atall on how you are finding Wally's B2B version.
God bless,
Mike.

SeekingSerenity · Newbie

The 4th step has always been a stopper for me and it MUST be done. I am wondering where I would find the book by Cameron F since I am in Canada

flopadopilus · Veteran Member

I am doing it with my sponsor, but am also doing it in this board for Al-anon and ACOA''s and am waiting for us to get there and hit them. Glad you found us here.

miikef · Newbie

I can help you with your 4th and 5th step. Come find me at the chat site 12stepme.

I hope you got a sponsor and are not trying to do these steps by yourself. It's like giving yourself a tonsil extraction! lol

It's faster to discuss in realtime, not via emails. Look for me -- mikef --...or anyone else there designated as an online sponsor can help you.

miikef · Newbie

You only need one book: the Big Book of Alcoholics Annonymous!

I'd love to help you out with your steps; find me at 12StepMe where we can chat realtime -- it's faster than swapping emails.

kitilvr · Newbie

first thing to do is PRAY ... ask your HP to remove your fear and all barriers to writing your inventory

second, breathe, take pen to paper and write ... I found it easiest to "start" by writing the following words (people, places, things, God, myself) on separate pages and then writing my negative thoughts and feelings regarding each of those topics ... once I got going, all the topics got jumbled together because flipping pages took too long and That's OK! Infact, that's good!

I kept asking, "how will I know when I'm done?" ... no matter who I talked to, the answer always was, "you will know" ... and I DID!!! When I was writing, I only took breaks to do the basics (eat, sleep, etc) ... and then, after many hours spanning more than a day, I felt empty ... empty of emotion, empty of thought, empty of feeling, completely drained

I slept and then I found someone, as quickly as possible, to do my 5th with ... I read, verbatim, everything I had written ... most of it I don't remember writing, some of it didn't even seem like it was my hand who wrote it, and some of it also had not been conscious to me for years ... as I read, I cried, I released the emotions that had been hidden for too long ... and when I was done, what I felt was amazing! Less tension, more freedom, a new-found ME.

I have since come to realize that my first 4th only uncovered what my HP knew I needed to release and knew I could handle ... I peeled back the ugliest, most toxic, bubbly, gurgling layers of my onion ... so that I could BREATHE!

I hope this helps you ... God Bless You!

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