Step 2 Alanon Family Groups

hotrod · Guru

Step 2 Alanon Family Groups

OldMom61 · Newbie

I am so grateful for the peace that this step brings to my life. The subject of God is one that has been a recurring topic among my social group lately. It seems that most of the members of our recovery fellowship are more agnostic about God; however they have been able to define HP in their own way. I will not enter into discussions about religion and I get that it is a spiritual program, not religious. Some of these individuals even started their own AA group because they were tired of the "religious zealots" telling them to get on thier knees.

Another reason I won't have discussions about faith is that I cannot explain it intellectually and that is what some folks need for them to believe. I suppose there is some element of truth in "ignorance is bliss" lol. All I know is that my HP, (God) is a living presence in my life and I can't imagine a world without spirit. I know that I never have to be alone on my journey. Even better is that through the spirit of recovery I am united with others, and very often you folks are akin to angels.

This step was fairly easy for me but the more I've practiced it the better it gets. I have a better grip on sanity than ever before; but that doesn't mean I don't have my crazy moments still. Enter the great slogan "progress not perfection".

And for me, getting on my knees from time to time is a good thing. It is so awesome that we do not have to agree on who HP is to each of us.

Jerry F · Veteran Member

I lost my post...hmmmm. Nothing to get insane about huh?

I was certifiably insane before I arrived at the doors of Al-Anon for real. I had attended a couple Al-Anon and then AA meetings earlier and didn't like the program, the people and anything about them. When I finally got that second chance it wasn't my own choice...it was my HP's miraculous direction that only can lead a oppositional, defiant suffered back into the rooms, into a seat and then without defiance follow thru on the suggestion to "keep coming back". I knew the last word of the second step from the other side of the wall. I had no question about God. I had a God which I saved for very special occasions which only arrived after I had totally failed at a task which I then thought was never. I didn't know anything about alcoholism and didn't know that I didn't know so at the time I entered the rooms I was mentally toast and certifiably insane. I've worked in the mental health industry...I know what condition I was in. My solution was an eventual suicide which I later found out I successfully commited because thru Al-Anon my definition changed from "ending my life -to- ending how I lived my life".

My old way of living my life ended...it's over...successful suicide.

I learned I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism and I was raised by drinkers and users and those who were affected by drinkers and users...the insane part of the families. I was the traditional enabler in my families of origin and also a victim of those I was led to enable. I grew up in a catholic/christian home. I have no problem with God in spite of my religious up bringing which could not and did not relieve the consequences of the disease on my life. I did know that sanity was what I needed and Al-Anon promised "peace of mind and serenity". I was in for the long haul because I watched "peace of mind and serenity" in the lives of the membership even after I heard their stories and I could recognize sincerity, humility and honesty because those were not in my life before I got into the rooms. All I had to do was trust the program and the fellowship which was the big task and want what they had. I prayed to the God of my understanding and watched the fellowship. I prayed and did what the fellowship did and my life started to change. I was given another members definition of sanity at my home group..."A continuous and orderly process of thought" and while I knew I had never had that before program I sensed I could learn it in the rooms if the membership, all of those and these instruments of my Higher Power were willing to last past me and continue to support me with their Experiences, Strength and Hope...and I arrived at the sanity spoken about at the end of Step #2. A day ago my wife and I spent time with another Al-Anon member just on this subject...being restored to sanity. Her consideration was "How could I know I was being restored if I had no awareness of sanity before the program?" That rang our door bell!! I also have this same perception because being born and raised into the disease of alcoholism there isn't any sanity from the beginning and the lack of it turns the victim to seek even more unreal solutions...one being suicide. So we spoke about it and we tested the definition of sanity that I mentioned earlier from my home group member long ago. We arrived at alot of clarity and adjusted perceptions and have made it a priority to speak more on in the future. I am looking forward to it. I have been reading up in the literature about the subject of sanity. How many pages are there in the ODAAT on sanity? - none; how many in the Courage to Change? - three; how many in the Hope for Today? many...we are progressing. My Higher Power wants me in the rooms, in the literature, in the steps, in this form because my Higher Power can best use me when I am sane.

Thanks soooo much for your support. My suicide was painless, noiseless and I left no mess for anyone else to clean up. LOL ((((hugs)))) smile

Kristi13618 · Newbie

I think that this is a step I often find myself having to revisit. I try to make progress, but I always seem to stumble back. I know that I believe in a HP, but I often leave out the last part of restoring me to sanity. It's not enough to simply believe there is a HP, but to have faith that this belief will guide me to a path where I am stable and able to make it through. It states, to me, that the creator will give me what is needed to survive and be happy. I've had so many trials, and I know there are very few times when I would reach out to my HP. I know He's there, but I often cannot find the words I want to say. I don't want to ask for what I want directly, because I believe that is selfish. There are peole far worse off than I am, and they don't get what they want. Plus I was always taught "God helps those who help themselves." That's why I remember the serenity prayer. I don't say it enough. I should say it more often, but that is what I truly want from my HP is strength and wisdom. This allows me to stay grounded. To know that I am only human and there is only so much that I can do. This is what keeps me sane. Before coming to al-anon and obtaining my own personal counseling, I wasn't sane. I was a control freak. I was always stressed. I'd have panic attacks to the point that I felt I couldn't breathe. I had to learn to let go (which is another step, I know). I still struggle with this at times, and can honestly say that lately I've started to lose control again. I need to stop and just know that my HP will walk me through this as long as I believe. It also doesn't mean I have to do it alone either. I believe HP can work on many levels. The HP of "God" as I know him, the power of love from my friends and family, the power of solidarity of my brother's and sisters in Al-anon. These, to me, are all things that help keep me sane. I've noticed just keeping everything inside does not go well with being sane (this coming from the psych nurse that I am). If you were to keep blowing air into a party balloon it will eventually pop. It can only hold so much before it breaks. Same with people. We can only hold so many emotions and burdens inside before we break either by becoming angry and lashing out, becoming sad and weeping all the time, having physical pain and troubles, to having a serious mental break down. This is the importance of what we do here. Sharing our stories and our feelings and our hopes. This allows us to vent and have others validate our feelings. To let us know that although our stories may be very similar in a lot of ways, but that also we as individuals have a unique story to tell that is worth listening to.

pineapple · Newbie

Let me start by saying that I don't have meetings to attend, and I don't have a sponsor. But I've read and continue to read the 12 steps and have made it through the first few on my own. I'm excited about this group and look forward to reading the replies.

Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I have had a relationship with my HP since my early teens. So that was not a problem for me. But I felt much like Kristi described when she said ¨I don't want to ask for what I want directly, because I believe that is selfish. There are people far worse off than I am, and they don't get what they want. Plus I was always taught "God helps those who help themselves." So I would pray for the wisdom and strength to deal with whatever was causing me problems in my life. (I've known and used the serenity prayer for years, way before i knew about alanon) Often I would get it, other times not. I accepted that everything happens for a reason even if I don't know what that reason is. If my prayers weren't being answered there must be a reason why. But my life became just too difficult. One night while crying myself to sleep I couldn't even say my usual prayers. I was too beaten down to be thankful, or to think about wisdom, or strength. I said ¨Please help me!¨ That was all. That was literally the only thing I could think of. And I did receive help. I now truly believe that by asking for help from my HP I am getting my sanity back. I do feel much saner these days and my life is slowly becoming better. I know I have a long way to go. But by trusting and relying on my HP, and with the wisdom, support, and love of the people at MIP I know I'll make it.

IreneL · Newbie

Alanon Step 2 (I am using Paths to Recovery).

Came to Believe that a Power Greater Than Ourselves Could Restore Us to Sanity

1. What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?

I prayed that my stepson would be safe and secure, when his father chose to leave and take him into a drug & alcohol environment. As I could do nothing about this prayer, I put it in my "God Box". The father went to jail and the son with the step family. God works. I prayed that God would take care of my mother (she had 3 episodes of cancers this year), God chose to take her to heaven, I miss her, but she is no longer in pain and suffering. God works in mysterious ways, when I ask for his help, I must remember to step back and leave it to him. (Let Go & Let God.)

2. What would it take to allow my concept of a Higher Power to change?

After seeing my Higher Power work to help me, I do not feel that I would like to change my concept of my Higher Power.

3. Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power? If so, how? smile

My past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power, by allowing me to learn that my Higher Power works and that there is a Higher power. This has been shown by the recent experiences that I have had with different things in my life.

4. What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?

I hope to begin to have more serenity and peace in my life.

For tonight Four discussion questions are my limit.

Baffled · Member

My definition of insanity is 'doing the same things over and over and expecting different results'. Recently it occurred to me that all of my dogmatic attempts to make things right might not be the same thing as other people's idea of acceptable. I want to be able to accept people just as they are, not how I want them to be. Step Two
"Came to Believe that a Power Greater Than Ourselves Could Restore Us to Sanity" gives me the hope that I will be able to find my own sanity with the help of my HP. Seeing that my view of orderliness may seem like chaos to others is another reminder that my HP is in control, not me.

Thank you for this Step board.

baffled (courage) Della W.

Jules · Member

When I came into these rooms, it was the "restore" part that I could easily, painlessly resist. What made anyone think I'd EVER been sane? You cannot restore something that never existed...or so my thinking went. That was a simpler and easier way to just skip through the hard questions that came from doing this step.

Doing? WTF is "doing" a step, anyway, I'd think. I used to be compelled by a struggle. I fought, kicked, bit, screamed. Not literally. That would be too undignified...too obviously imperfect, something would CLEARLY be wrong with me. I was perfect when I came into the rooms (*har, har!*) I actually thought I could be. Really. If I just tried hard enough. It made "doing" and/or "working" the steps really hard, really painful. Without the pain and struggle, I wasn't sure I was actually accomplishing anything, or doing anything right, at any rate. For me, that WAS a way to do it. Not really what my HP had in mind, but it took a bit for me to realize and accept that.

So, for me, today, I have to "do" the first three steps everyday. My daily tools are my readers, prayers and time to myself - meditation. Well, that and writing, here and with ink on paper. Daily, it sometimes sounds like listening to the song "Day by Day", which I identified with the first three steps early in my recovery. Sometimes it is the Serenity Prayer (not often, though), or some of its revised versions (more likely) "I can't, God can, I think I'll let Her." When I have a bad attitude, there are other versions that express my sentiments better! More often it is simply reciting these steps, whether at at meeting or not, or both. Sometimes a simple: "Help me, please" says all I need to: I can't, the answer is out there, and I am open to it.

Sticking purely to Step 2 is actually really hard for me, because it flows so completely into Step 3. The instant I really know that the answer is out there, that I am not the source of it, that the love, gentleness and care I need is from my HP, I can't really sit with it a moment. Once I've accepted that it really IS out of my hands, the burden to fix, control and manipulate my situation dissipates into thin air. *sigh* It is done, and there isn't really any way for me to mess it up. It will all turn out O.K., and I am in good hands.

Just me.

Jules · Member

Just a few more CAL (Conference Approved Literature) readings:

Sources include Paths To Recovery, Al-Anons Steps, Traditions and Concepts ©1997and How Al Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics ©1995, along with some readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II ©1992.

Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The basic spiritual principle introduced in Step Two suggests that there is a Power greater than we are that provides hope for sanity, whether we are living with active alcoholism or not.

Step Two reaffirms that we may be powerless, but we are NOT helpless, and we are not alone. For many of us, the introduction of a Power greater than ourselves is difficult to understand. Some initially believe we are speaking of a religious entity. We are not. We are speaking of a loving, caring, nurturing Power that provides us with guidance in dealing with the effects of the disease of alcoholism.

. Acceptance of Step Two is paramount to working the rest of the Al Anon steps. Tripping over Step Two and skipping to other Steps indicates a lack of acceptance of Step One. Many members have difficulty beginning to work this Step for their personal recovery.

Some of us reject religion of any kind and call ourselves either agnostics or atheists. It is important to hear that, whether we practice a particular religion or not, all of us are welcome in Al-Anon. Yet, when we approach Step Two, we may suspect that a group ideology will be revealed, and we will be forced to conform or leave. Instead the groups members turn us toward defining our own idea of a Higher Power and we come to believe that such a Power could exist and might help us.

In beginning to understand Step Two, we learn that we have choices. If we struggle with the concept of a Higher Power in any way, we can begin by acting as if. By reflecting on more serene or peaceful times in our lives, we begin to appreciate today. The slogan One Day at a Time takes on a new meaning as we commit ourselves to reading a page each day in our (daily readers).

Sanity can be defined in many ways. Many share that they no longer purchase alcohol for the alcoholic. Others speak of removing themselves from tumultuous situations.

Some share of defusing arguments by merely stating, You might be right. Taking a bubble bath or going skiing for a day can offer new perspectives on the situation. Gradually and gratefully we develop a faith in a Higher Power. We begin to recognize that the old behavior, if it returns, doesnt have to return for the same duration.

~~ From Paths to Recovery. Al Anons Steps, Traditions and Concepts. 1997 pp 18-21.

=====
The alcoholic cannot heal our wounds; neither can our will-power, quick wittedness, or perseverance. Turning to these sources again and again is no more useful or sane than going to a car lot to buy groceries.

Having continually failed to resolve our difficulties ourselves, most of us finally realize we must look for help in a more promising place. What we seek is something greater, beyond our own abilities, a source of help, comfort, guidance, and strength unrestricted by our human limitations. Our need for such assistance has become obvious, but so many of our needs have gone unsatisfied in the past that we hardly dare to hope that we might find the help we need. In the process of taking Step Two, we open our hearts and minds to the possibility that such a power could actually exist in our lives.

From How Al Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics p 47.

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?

What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?

What does faith mean to me?

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?

What does came to believe mean to me?

What does sanity mean to me?

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?

flopadopilus · Veteran Member

Do I sense spiritual guidance in my life? How?
I have spiritual guidance from God, my sponsor and friends.

How do I describe the Higher Power I found in Al-Anon?
I have had my HP for quite awhile I just learned how to utilize him in my daily life more fully.

What does Let Go and Let God mean to me?
It means when something is too big for me to be able to handle I can let it go and hand it to God and be done with obsessing over it.

What does faith mean to me?
Faith means believing without actually seeing, I took the leap.

With whom and in what circumstances am I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
I have a bible study group of woman, a great Al-anon group plus a wise old sponsor.

What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
I have gained some self esteem and self respect. I love myself now and want more for myself. I have created boundaries and will not put up with some of the things from my past any longer.

What does came to believe mean to me?
I came to Al-anon on my knees and already believe God (my HP), but that he could better manage my life than the disaster I had let it become. I truly learned to trust him by giving him things little by little and now I hand him everything I can.

What does sanity mean to me?
Sanity means to stop trying to fix things by doing what I have always done. I have lots of new tools and when it is an issue beyond my control I am getting better and better at handing it over to my HP.

How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity? My life?
My parents, brother and exAH have played a huge role in me losing my serenity if I ever had it. I was a codependent, people pleasing, enabling fixer and was killing myself to do everything just right for everybody and you know it was never good enough.

Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
Yes, I did at different points, but now my HP is just as it should be.

How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? I just felt brain washed and exhausted from the constant games and abuse. I was walking on eggshells and taking a lot of blame. I now own just my side of the street.

How have I turned to a Power greater than myself in times of great need? Did I call another Al-Anon member? My sponsor? Did I read Al Anon Conference Approved Literature (CAL)? Did I go to a meeting? If not, why not?
I have turned to my HP for guidance, I have called my sponsor when my mind started spinning over a problem. I go to the only 2 weekly meetings that are offered in my area, whenever possible.

In working this Step, can I describe a Step Two experience to my sponsor or my group? In a written sharing?
I just went on a trip to visit my Mother across the country with my kids and I had an issue at work right before I was leaving and I was pretty worked up about it. I talked to my sponsor and I still couldn't let it go, so after a long night of hardly any sleep I was thinking what could I do to let this go to my HP and the answer came as write a letter of my side of the incident and send it to the person in charge and go on my trip and find out the outcome when I got back. And I came back and called and everything worked out just fine, for the better in fact. So when I trust and turn things over I have found I usually get a better outcome than if I react and continually spin over it.

When have I done the same things over and over, yet expected different results?
Trying to get my exAH to stop drinking nearly run me into the ground and we had so much unrest in the home with my kids, things would get scary. My 13 year old is so much happier since we left over a year ago, she is blooming and able to strive now rather than merely survive. I am doing better and feel my self esteem growing and I am just handling normal life circumstances better. I still get a good spin on, but come back out of the crisis and drama more quickly and move through it without it taking away as much of my time and life.

Michelle814 · Member

This is tricky for me because I come to believe and then I make serious spiritual growth. I pray and I feel God. I Let go and I feel relief. Its incredible. Then I start thinking about how there are sooo many people in the world and how I'm just this one tiny little dot in the center of the universe.. or even worse, you know, I'm non-existant if you scan out far enough. I start to think, perhaps I am just a product of evolution and an animal just meant to wake and sleep, eat, mate, and die... and the spiritual aspects I have been experiencing in my life are these illusions of the human mind. I feel guilty then thinking of all that what I believe to be a higher power has done for me including removal of my character defects in ways not explainable... then something will happen and I will come to believe again. Every time I lose some of my faith, however, I take such strides back in my progress. I want to cry just typing this. I never had any faith before Al-Anon and I have found faith and so quickly I lose it again thinking .. how can I be worth that much? Im so insignificant. I wish I could see the sense to be made of the world but that is why it is called faith isnt it? I was working on step four but on days like today Im right back at step two. I am powerless over alcohol thats for sure.. but are these spiritual awakenings I have experienced figments of my imagination? Is there really a power great than myself who can restore me to sanity? A week ago I was certain.. sometimes I wish I did not have the capacity to wonder and question so much, I wish I had blind faith and I don't. Why do I long for proof, why am I such a logical creature? Okay, now I'm crying.

Michelle814 · Member

Ten minutes after I post this. I cry, I write a letter to God, and I fold it up and put it in an envelope ... I ask for his help, for strength, for hope, for courage.... I immediately start to feel better. why do I doubt God??

Wolfie55 · Member

Step 2 is one of my favorites. When I came here to the rooms of Alanon and AA, I was by my own admission, an atheist. I did not believe in god, I did not want to believe in god and I didnt care if you believed in god as long as you did your believing somewhere else.

But I continued to go to meetings. There's a saying in the other fellowship that if you hang around a barber shop long enough, you'll get a haircut. They mean it in a different context, but I hung around this barber shop long enough until I got one. Okay if you could see me you'd get that joke. I'm intentionally bald.

You see I was confused. I thought the step said I had to believe IN god. But it doesn't say that. All it asks me to do is believe THAT god could restore me to sanity and it doesn't even say god. I just say god because its the only word I know that describes the point I'm trying to make.

I remember on December 4, 1997 when quicksand stretched around me in all directions and I knew that to continue on as I was would mean my death, I made a decision that I was willing to believe that if there was a god then that god could restore me to sanity. That was all I had to begin with. Not a belief, just a willingness to believe. And I promised my sponsor that I would not keep my mind as closed as it had been. And you know, it was on that day that i began to feel something I had not felt in a long long time. Hope.

-- Edited by Wolfie55 on Monday 9th of April 2012 05:08:02 AM

hotrod · Guru

Bernie Being willing is the key

Peachy219 · Newbie

This step is complicated. I have faith in my life now, but to get there the struggle was monumental. I would have moments of spirituality and faith and then think it down to nothing by trying to understand it. I have accepted that I do not need to fully define or pin point what who or where my higher power is or how it does what it does. All I have to do is believe in it unconditionally. I had an incredible experience where I willingly took a giant leap of faith, largely because I was at a point where I truly had nothing left to lose and I genuinely believe that I received true guidance and affirmation from a higher power. I was so moved and touched that I know I will never doubt that power again, why would I even want to?
Having honest faith in my higher power feels like what I always thought love was supposed to feel like.
I'm not entirely comfortable with thinking about my higher power as "god" simply because I feel that the word is too closely tied to many organized religions which, I personally feel, have distorted both the concept of god and the true purpose of faith. I'm referring to all the atrocities that people have done and continue to do all in the name of god and religion.
In the broadest of terms, I think of my higher power as a life force, or energy - a universal spirit of love and awareness that connects us all. For me, having faith means believing this force is everywhere all the time, and that it is up to me to be open and responsive to it. My higher power will not "do" anything for me, but gives me the strength to do what is necessary for myself. My higher power also shows me that the things that I want are not always the things that I need. This is a hard lesson, but I'm grateful for it.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.