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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step 5 AA
Post Info TOPIC: Step 5 AA
Dan B 76


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Step 5 AA
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Step 5 AA

Admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

HAVING MADE our personal inventory, what shall we do about it? We have been trying to get a new attitude, a new relationship with our Creator, and to discover the obstacles in our path. We have admitted certain defects; we have ascertained in a rough way what the trouble is; we have put our finger on the weak times in our personal inventory. Now these are about to be cast out. This requires action on our part, which, when completed, will mean that we have admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our defects. This brings us to the Fifth Step in the program of recovery mentioned in the preceding chapter.  Big Book pg 72

If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning.  Big Book pg. 71

Wrong - an injurious, unfair, or unjust act : action or conduct inflicting harm without due provocation or just cause

Defect an imperfection that impairs worth or utility

Handicap - a disadvantage that makes achievement unusually difficult

The Big Book uses three different terms in discussing the 4th and 5th steps wrongs, defects and handicaps.  Looking at these separately they appear to be vastly different a wrong inflicting harm where a defect is an imperfection and a handicap is a disadvantage.  How do these terms fit together when describing the same events?

As I interpret this I look at admitting to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs there is no minimizing or justification read what you wrote down in your 4th step.  When the specific instances we have written down and admitted are grouped into the basic categories of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth or whatever categories you choose we are admitting our defects.  What is the underling defect that caused me to do these wrongs, without blaming the disease, I was drunk/high at the time I wouldnt do that sober.  In this phase of our 5th step we are talking about the beginnings of the 6th step.   And finally they have been handicaps to our spiritual program/progress.

Why must we admit these to another human being?  For me it is for accountability someone else knows my defects and is there to help and support us when needed and to point out when we begin to fall back into our old destructive ways.  It is a very difficult thing to tell someone our deep dark secrets but we must.  The following excerpt from the BB will explain why.

We will be more reconciled to discussing ourselves with another person when we see good reasons why we should do so. The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost  invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.  Big Book pgs 72 73

This is a spiritual program and our wrong and defects have been the handicaps that make a relationship with our higher power unusually difficult.  We cannot make spiritual progress beyond steps 2 and 3 before we admit these wrongs and defects to God, to ourselves and to another human being.

We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.  Big Book pg 75

I can testify from my experience that this is true.  I have written 3 4th steps and given 3 5th steps.  And after each one the statements above rang true in my life.  For me this brought me even further from the bondage of self that we ask for in the 3rd step prayer.  I began to have a spiritual experience, the foundation of my continued recovery.  I knew I was no longer alone and isolated by my wrongs, defects, and handicaps. 

Please share your experience, strength and hope from your 5th step.



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Fyne Spirit


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Step 5 the freedom step! Dan, your quote from p75 of the big book was true for me too, and for the first time I really understood those words because they were describing my actual experience, the way I felt. Though I had read that before, they were just words, talking about things I had not experienced, so reading that was not an incentive to take step 5. The incentive came from the faith developing from step 3 that if I take these steps, I will recover.
Step 4 talks about things blocking us from our higher power. The first of those for me was my way of thinking, and I began to understand that through step 4.
Next were the skeletons in the closet. Though I was living a relatively good existence in early sobriety, I had mostly stopped adding fuel to the fire, each night, even after the best of days, the skeletons would come out to play. It was almost a physical torture and I would toss and turn all night. All those secrets, the things I did, that I hoped would never see the light of day. I didn't know it but the 5th step freed me of those demons.
The day after my 4th I had another full day with my sponsor, where I made a full and frank disclosure of all those things I did, of which I was so ashamed, the things I had once hoped to conceal for ever. It wasn't easy. I shook and stuttered and gagged through much of it. There were one or two things I missed but when they came to mind I rang my sponsor immediately.
Afterwards my sponsor sent me away for a day or two to reflect on the work so far and it was during that time that I reread p75 and realised it was true.
There was another aspect that wasn't expected, but it was at this time that I lost my lonliness. In the meetings our stories disclose in a general way... and while I heard general stuff that I related to I didn't hear any of the specifically bad stuff that I had done. I thought I was the worst person to come to AA, but during my 5th I discovered that what I had done was pretty run of the mill normal alcoholic stuff, nothing special.
Finally, I slept soundly for the first time, the skeletons were gone.
In the Big book they say in the promises that we will be amazed before we are half way through. I know how this feels for it was the result of the 5th that really convinced me to take all the remaining steps and adopt them as a way of life.

In the early days members became convinced of certain necessities in the process which was to become the 12 steps. Among other things, they talked of the need for inventory (step 4) and confession (step 5). Later we will come to restitution (step 9) the last of the blocks between us and our God.

God bless,

Mike h.





-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Friday 27th of January 2012 04:38:27 AM

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Fyne Spirit
rob84


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It took me some time to realize the growth areas of the 12 steps revolves around 2 basic themes. Getting honest and overcoming fear.

3d step have to get out of ourselves and into God to look at ourselves.

4th step have to overcome the fear of looking at our selves and take honest stock of our defects and wrongs.

5th step admit to God and another human the exact nature of these wrongs.

I did my 5th step with a random county services worker from a number out the phone book. In NE Ohio it was not standard to do this step with an AA sponsor. The AA big book covers this topic in detail. Interesting enough, I have sponsored a lot of people over the years and just about every sponcee has done their 5th step with me, but I always tell them they should read the chapter and take the step with someone they are comfortable with.

The virtue and the growth from the steps in in the process and willingness, the content understanding will never be 100%, but we can correct ommissions and grow in understanding via steps 10,11,12.

Hope this can help.



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Fyne Spirit


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rob84 wrote:



The virtue and the growth from the steps in in the process and willingness, the content understanding will never be 100%, but we can correct ommissions and grow in understanding via steps 10,11,12.

Hope this can help.

 Thanks, Rob, very true but often overlooked. I sometimes think folks get stuck on three or four not realizing that we can never do a perfect job, and that 10 11 and 12 are there for just that reason.



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Fyne Spirit
Mr_David


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Hi Dan,

Thanks for doing the steps. Basically, Step 5 was my introduction to "EGO" deflation 101. It was a huge slice of humble pie, 20 years in the making. I felt this tremendous sense of relief, as I spilled my guts out about everything. And to a complete stranger nonetheless. I know it gave him Goosebumps; at least I thought it did. I guess he'd heard my story before. There was so much on my plate he didn't know, and so many secrets still left unresolved. A bitter reminder of days long gone. These unresolved conflicts left lasting impressions on my life for years. A huge burden overshadowing my need to feel forgiven. It was also the first to go. Then came the resentments, and anything in between. Basically, what poured out from there could only be described as 'mind blowing', for sure. If you had to gauge it on a scale of 1 to 10, it would be an 11. My sponsor hasn't been the same, since. However, it wasn't so easy at first. It was much different in the beginning, unfortunately. And this is why?

I was stuck on principles, or so I thought. Actually, It was more like pride. Anything that went against my better nature was not worth mentioning. Especially, if I had to explain my actions to another alcoholic. I'd rather confess my faults to a wandering wildebeest than confide in anyone else. So my tale of woe continued, unfortunately. That, was until my sponsor suggested it to me. Then, I had to put all doubts aside and do the step. And When I did, something amazing happened. I experienced this wonderful sense of relief. It felt like the weight of hundred monkeys being lifted off my shoulders. That's when I knew a miracle had taken place. I experienced my first real breakthrough in sobriety, thank God, and haven't looked back since. And so can you.

The key to step 5 has always been humility; A certain willingness to let go and let God. Those emotions that seemed to obstruct our view of the sublime will dissipate, once our defects our exposed.  Bill W. makes mention of this many times in the 12 &12, and with good reason. He also does so with sincere eloquence, I might add.  It's actually so profound that it's worth mentioning. So, here goes: "And when humility and serenity are so combined, something else of great moment is apt to occur. Many an A.A., once agnostic or atheistic, tells us that it was during this stage of Step Five that he first actually felt the presence of God. And even those who had faith already often become conscious of God as they never were before. This feeling of being at one with God and man, this emerging from isolation through the open and honest sharing of our terrible burden of guilt, brings us to a resting place where we may prepare ourselves for the following Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety". How beautiful is that? This was my turning point, and one I need to experience all along.  It became a springboard to a more purpose filled existence, for over 10+ years now. Thanks be to God. So, here's my suggestion. Do it and be done.  And be transformed, like others have. Never doubting, never wavering. And done to the best of our ability. That, my friend, is how we "came to believe".

~God bless~ 



-- Edited by Mr_David on Sunday 29th of January 2012 04:07:35 AM

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Jerry F


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Aloha and thanks Rob as I more related to your perspective.  I had to add another tool to honesty and fearlessness...that one was patience because of the awareness that I would never get it 100% and for that I am grateful because my elder sponsor asked me (after I mentioned an assurance that I would get it all) "then what?"  He entertained me with reality questions all the time and I came to expect and delight in them as he stretched my recovery, mentally and emotionally.   Patience was supported by trust, faith and hope as I sat in my chair and watch the miracles of recovery develope around me until I too wanted what the fellowship had.  I never did a 5th with someone I was "comfortable" with because of my awareness for self centeredness and grandiosity.  I could turn a 5th into a major drama or 500 page novel except for my sponsorship.   "Keep it Simple" was generally the forgone expectation for me there.

I've done six 4th steps and all six were necessary because I had buried my past negative behaviors deeply and covered them all with self righteousness.  I am still inclined to do that and in the present am struggling with honest perspective.  I will continue to do that with my Higher Power and my Higher Power's will for me. 

smile



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Fyne Spirit


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Well written Mr David! I really got a lot from your post...Beautiful!

God bless,
MikeH

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Fyne Spirit
Isurrender


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I am a newcomer to this forum who just needs to share right now. I wrote out another 4th step inventory using the format in the How It Works Chapter of the big book (page 65 in my copy). The pattern I see is "Self Seeking." I didn't want to change. I wanted others to change and behave in a way that worked in my financial favor, met my sexual needs with minimal communication on my part, built my self esteem as a mother. I am very resentful at those who blocked my ambitions.

I "began to see that the world and its people really dominated" me. I have been feeling remorse, which has turned into depression and very low self esteem. I have been going to church regularly, yet living in spiritual make believe. I seek to find a support group within AA that holds me to a greater level of accountability than church does or regular AA meetings do.

My sexual behavior has been selfish, dishonest and inconsiderate. I now understand that my sexual behavior has been tripping me up for years.

Ouch! I have been sober since 1997 but somehow I got off track in working my program. I can now see that I am the one who "set the ball rolling." I reread "How It Works" tonight. There were so many phrases that rung true. (Surprise! I'm not so unique.) My first sponsor used to counsel me over and over about my pride. I see now that I became self-confident and cocky. I have been the "Queen of Blame and self justification". The repeated cost of that pattern has been insanity. By that I mean, being able to see the kind of person I want to be and being clueless as to how to get from here to there.

The sentence I found most humbling was "We are in the world to play the role He assigns." I had forgotten that totally. My world has been turned upside down for a couple of years now due to my own poor decision making. I was crying about it again today and my husband said I take life totally too seriously. Like a cat with nine lives, I'm trying to land on my feet after this latest fall.

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