Stepwork

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Post Info TOPIC: Step 5 - Adult Children of Alcoholics


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Step 5 - Adult Children of Alcoholics


5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

There is an old saying "Confession is good for the soul." There is also another thought that saying things aloud makes them fully real.  I believe that is what is going on here.

In order to heal we must deal with the truth, fully.  That means we have to stop lying to others but most importantly to ourselves.  Prior to finding ACoA, I told myself that my father's alcoholism and the FOO built around it had nothing to do with my problems.  That was simply not true.  And just because the liar believes the lie doesn't make it not a lie.

Admitting it to your Higher Power is a way of holding yourself accountable and admitting it to another person is a way to make it real.  I accomplished the last part for myself by blogging about it and posting on the message boards.

And that's a key thing.  You should work the steps with a sponsor, but it is entirely possible to work the steps without one, by using ESH of everyone and admission to everyone publicly to hold you accountable and urge you on.

I am away, so I do not have any step 5 exercises handy.  If Linda does not post some for you, I'll do that Thursday.



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ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .



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My heart skipped a beat and I felt the icy hand grab hold of my gut when I read that step just now.

Wow.. admitted to another human being the nature of our wrongs.

I have wronged so many people in my sickness. I can be justified in some of the things I have done, but they are still wrong.

In the past I have lied, cheated, stole, been a very nasty pasty.... I was terrible to my parents at times and I feel bad about some nasty thing I have done to people... mostly in my sharp words.

I do not know where some of these people are. I guess admitting it and apologising for it are two different things.

If I were to write out my past wrongs... man, I would clog up the internet I am sure hahahahaha.. just joking.

I guess this relates to taking off that mask.

I will post some stuff from the workbook in another post so they are separate from my own musings.

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Step 5 Important note:  In the workbook there is an appendix for the person hearing the 5th step.  For this reason, please be aware of whom you share your 5th step with.  Ensure it is someone who has done the steps or worked the program a while. 

It recommends to set a date to share this step with another person.  A person you trust.

In this step we are challenging "Dont talk, don't trust, and don't feel" rules that we had growing up in a dysfunctional home.  We finally get to talk about what matters rather than denying or filtering what happened.  It is a way to reparent ourselves and face the exact nature of our childhood abandonment.  This abandonment is linked to the wrongs we ahve committed against others.

The old saying goes "Hurting perople hurt others" and that appears to be true for adult children. The script goes like this "If I can hurt you before you hurt me then I will feel powerful or in control".  Our inside hurt does not give us the right to harm others.  In this step we must be wary of over critisism and becoming martyrs or assuming hte victim posture.  But we can't be too lenient either. 

The key to rigorous honesty that steers between self abuse and leniency is this "We become willing to face whatever we have done and then tdo the footwork to change".  The pain will pass. 

What to do:  Make the appointment with the trusted person, take your 4th step worksheets and writing.  The listener should be given the appendix from the workbook.  Allow a couple of hours.  Be ready to immediately follow with steps 6 and 7.  Say the 5th step prayer.

5th step prayer:  Thankyou for this chance to sepak honestly with another person about the events of my oife.  Help me accept responsibility for my actions.  Let me show compassion for myself and my family as I revisit my thinking and actions that have blocked me from your love.  Restore my child within.  Restor my feelings. Restory my trust in myself.

Please excuse typos.. I am in a little bit of a rush today.....

 



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5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. ~I did this with my sponsor last night and am amazed at how freeing it was.

My FOO taught me a lot of the wrong ways and now I am learning and applying the right ways. Thanks for this board!




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FLOP,

"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real

INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.



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good on you flopadopilus......
If you don't mind, can you tell us a little about the meeting? How it was organised, how it went etc.
Up to you though...
Thanks

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I have become fond of saying "You have to go through it to get past it."  Step Five is probably why.  From the Yellow Workbook:

There is no way around Steps Four or Five. We must go through them to get to the other side, to find the God of our understanding waiting there with a timeless embrace. This is our experience. Thousands of adult children and completed Step Five and found a peace and serenity not know before. They are waiting for you on the other side of Step Five. They called upon the inner strength which helped them survive a dysfunctional upbringing. They used that inner strength to make it through Step with a room to spare. You have this inner strength by the very fact you have completed the first four steps of the program.

Step Five gives us a chance to finally talk about what matters to someone we trust. We give our Fifth Step without grand promises to be perfect or strive for perfection. We tell our story to another person with honesty and sincerity and leave the results to God as we understand God. We can finally give ourselves breathing room to change one day at a time. We claim our humanness and our position in the world.



__________________

ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .



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The meeting with my sponsor was great we went through a a workbook blueprint for progress that walked me through my 4th and 5th step together and as I answered the questions we discussed different areas I was struggling with. It was very freeing and she was so accepting and helpful for me to be very open and honest with her. I love being able to be vulnerable and shine a lioght in all those dark closets and come clean about anything I feel holds me back and clean out those places. It is very freeing to look and see nothing is as scary as I imagined it would be.

__________________

FLOP,

"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real

INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.



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Date:

thanks for sharing that with us

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