Stepwork

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
 
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step 6 - Adult Children of Alcoholics
Post Info TOPIC: Step 6 - Adult Children of Alcoholics
JamesCT


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 181
Date:
Step 6 - Adult Children of Alcoholics
Permalink  

6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

A step of preparedness and volition.

I have a problem with hanging onto things. It's why my home is junky and why I stayed in a relationship that became somewhat toxic. Even though I was mostly ready for the relationship to end, things didn't change until I was ready to put paid to it.

What did it take for me to be ready for these character defects to be removed?  It took embracing Step 1 and admitting that I was powerless and it took facing things about myself that I had defined as "being me" that were not worth holding onto, like people pleasing.  That sounds like it is a good thing, but the way we do it it isn't and we need to let it go.  Things finally got to a point with me that I was willing to give up anything for things to be different.



__________________

ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .
LindaO


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 42
Date:
Permalink  

I am stuck in step four so I do not have ESH to express here, but I do have time to give some of the wise words from the workbook on this step.

The principle of the 6th step is willingness.
Willingness to have our HP to remove all these defects of character.
We have to become ready to have the HP remove them, step 7 is asking for them to be removed.
In step 6 we are making ourselves ready to do it.

Some of these defects of character were survival traits that we no longer require. They were identified in step 4 and 5 and addressed. Now... are we ready to let them go?


Direct quote from workbook
"The key to becoming free of character defects while making peace with our survival traits involves a three prong approach with willingness, prayer, and time. In some cases we have seen defects of character removed completely in a short time, but for most of us it takes prayer and patience to mark progess. But progress is possible.".... "Willingness is our most powerful ally because it means we are teachable when it comes to addressing our defects of character. By being teachable, we learn to discern how much effort to put into changing our defects and when to get out of the way let God handle it."


__________________
flopadopilus


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 55
Date:
Permalink  

My character defects that I am asking my HP (God) to remove are resentments, unforgiveness, obsessing, an eating disorder, control, codependency issues and yes there is even more, but I figure this is a good start. I am willing and working on letting these things go. I really am feeling the changes and workings going on within me and it feels awesome and also alittle awkward since changes tend to fluster me a bit, so I am taking extra time to take care of myself during this step!

__________________

FLOP,

"Recovery isn't winning, it's not playing" and "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

F.E.A.R. = false evidence appearing real

INSANITY = doing the same thing over nad over again and expecting different results.
LindaO


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 42
Date:
Permalink  

oo yes.. control.. that is certainly one I want to get rid of.
Handing over to the HP what other people do... out of my control.
I guess we can do this step over again for each defect we wish to change.


__________________
LindaO


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 42
Date:
Permalink  

Ok
I believe I have caught up to Step 6 now.

Yes I am willing. I am now ready to let go of the fear that keeps me back from changing.

Actually thats probably wrong.. I am willing to experience the fear that keeps me from changing would be more like it.....

Today, I dont' feel the same resentments toward the fact that its ME that has to change when I have done nothing wrong. The fact ofthe matter is.. I did not ask to be treated that way as a child.. but I was.. and that made me do things in my adult life that were/are wrong.

I am now willing to change my adult life.....

Feels like I am sitting in the seat of a carnival ride and the safety bar is getting locked in... Exciting and scarey at the same time.

__________________
JamesCT


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 181
Date:
Permalink  

LindaO wrote:
I am willing to experience the fear that keeps me from changing would be more like it...

Profound.  It is allowing ourselves to feel, to experience the somatic pressures of bad feelings, that is the beginning of the change.  I am sitting here feeling really bad, emotionally and physically because of the stress of my current situation.  But I am not pretending that everything is all right.  Now, I am not wallowing in my discomfort, but I am feeling it.



__________________

ESH (Experience, Strength, and Hope) for ACoA may be shared at http://acoa.activeboard.com .
LindaO


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 42
Date:
Permalink  

I get what you are saying James.
It can feel good to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel... and its not a train

__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step 6 - Adult Children of Alcoholics
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us

Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

Al-Anon

Courage to Change

The 12 Steps 
For Adult Children

Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums
Recovery Book Store
http://www.12stepforums.net/books.html

All Books in our bookstore are recovery related books, please visit the store and make a purchase for yourself or someone you want to shine some love on!

Alcoholics Anonymous Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

 

 

Daily Affirmations for Adult Childern

When you buy a book you are helping support Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums

We have over 100 recovery books in our bookstore which is affiliated with Amazon.com.  The fastest, safest and easiest way to get your new reading material sent directly to you.