ALANON TRADITION 4

hotrod · Guru

ALANON TRADITION 4

DavidG · Senior Member

hotrod wrote:
TRADITION FOUR (4)

Every Group Should be Autonomous, Except in Matters Affecting Another Group or AlAnon or AA as a Whole

My name is David, proud member of Alanon.
When I first joined Alanon it was a new group.
I reealised that Alaon groups depended on its members.
Some members of our new group had been in other
groups so they added their own group culture to ours.

Groups have quite a bit of leeway. Our group is small and there is no place for family members of other addictions. I would consider admitting someone who was dealing with the sufferer of another addiction.... The drug of choice has changed a whole lot over the last 40 years. And of course addiction is a family illness. Given a little time and thought many people would find a one qualifier or more inside the Alanon tradition.
Tradition 4 Questions
1.   Do I insist that there are only a few right ways of doing things in Alanon?
No, but try and adhere to the basic tenets.
2.   Does my group always consider the welfare of the rest of Alanon?
Sometimes to a fault! Lol...
3.   Do I put down other members behavior when it is different from mine, or do I learn from it?
There are limits... but I have to fall back on my conscience, and be aware of the promptings of my Higher Power.

Thanks Betty, for the opportunity to share...
:>) DavidG.

Desirae · Veteran Member

Tradition 4 Questions

1. Do I insist that there are only a few right ways of doing things in Al anon?

When I came to Al-anon (knowing that there are prayers at the beginning & end of meetings... but not knowing I was free to appeal to the god of my understanding) I looked at the 12 steps more like I did the 10 commandments. As if it were a one way & one way only path with no u-turns allowed. I have since learned that there is no two people at the exact same spot in their recovery, I am not expected and never was expected to work all 12 steps at the same time, but to work through them one day, or even one moment at a time. I soon became aware that there is this one thing I have heard other members refer to as a "reset button". I like this because it has taught me that when i identify something in my program that I missed, I can back step, and know that taking that step back to help deal with something I missed along the way is still a step in the right direction. Sometimes taking a step back moves me further along the track in my recovery than taking a step forward when my spirit is not ready.

2. Does my group always consider the welfare of the rest of Al-anon?

Not at every moment. We are all perfectly imperfect human beings. But we learn from our mistakes, and I have seen the groups I attend do just that... learn from an "oops!". I am planning on attending this weeks Al-anon business meeting. I believe this is going to be an important roll in personally learning the traditions. I hope to see some of you there :)

3. Do I put down other members behavior when it is different from mine, or do I learn from it?

In the beginning I silently did put down some other members before I learned how to "take what I like and leave the rest". Once I learned this concept and acknowledge that every person had the right to own their feelings and opinions, that feeling of judging them for their particular situation ceased. I have moved on to "listening & learning" and it has proven to be an intricate part of my recovery.

(((hugs to all)))
Desirae

DavidG · Senior Member

Sometimes i have thing sinking feeling- aw gosh-

what did i say... how was I received.

I like feedback... but i sometimes feel so much shame

I would need reassurance every hour of the day!

should let my higher power take care of more of that.

I cannot go back to a meeting to work Out if I did

things right. But i can come back here. But then I

must be prepared to 'move on' in any case.

I am not a member of the MIP Alanon forum. I

have looked in. I am a guest... this is another

meeting opportunity for me. A chance to keep

in the 'now' and to stay present.

have i used 'mights' and 'oughts' here?

Probably not. i did 'push the envelope a little

about the rites of membership... but, well

as a guest i suppose I can explore these

boundaries a little.

Over the weekend I became the treasurer of

our area. Most likely the southern-most

Alanon on the globe. And I offered to host

a district day-long meeting in November.

I found that hosting a meeting and getting

our members along is a good group-builder.

I don't think the thoughts we share here will

reach the 'powers that be' in Alanon. I guess

it comes down to ESH and the honesty of the

share. The power-that-is is our higher power.

I wanted Alanon to be a place my family wasn't-

where everything was 'up-for-grabs' and

discussed. But at district level sometimes

things have to remain 'in committee'. That

members need time and space to form policy-

and that 'issues' are a group our district prerogative.

I learn what healthy trust and decision making

is all about...

thanks again...

-Da.

hotrod · Guru

Thanks You David and Desirae for sharing your thoughts and experience with the Traditions.

I believe this Tradition, as with all the Traditions, is very important to the sane operation of the Alanon individual groups as a whole and the overall operation of alanon world wide.

David being willing to serve on a Share a Day committee is huge Our recovery grows with each new task undertaken Unlike living in an alcoholic family alanon groups strive for healthy inter actions and problem solving attitudes. I like the committees (where everyone is a trusted servant) and group conscience decision making process. It keeps me safe and sane

Thanks again for your input.

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.