Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

The process for me as I began my walk in AA was I came, then I came to and finally I came to believe.

I came to AA I wasnt ready for anything else at that point I had accepted that I was an alcoholic.  That to me was a good start.  After some time in the program I came to, woke up to many realities, one that alcohol had defeated me so there was something more powerful than me out there.  And finally I came to believe.  This part believing took time and effort.  I knew I was an alcoholic and an addict wasnt that enough to get me clean.  I saw so many others in this program happy something I wasnt very often at the time.  What these others had was a Higher Power an area I struggled with being I was brought up being told I God was judgmental and punishing and I was destine for hell.  This Power in the second step for me had to be this group of happy alcoholics, God could work through them.  I was not the first one and will not be the last one to use this technique to start my spiritual journey.

And this part about insanity I cherished being crazy when I was using because that would explain the things I did.  I wasnt a alcoholic I was crazy.  Then the reality of what insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.  Every time I drank or used there were the same words we all say This time it will be different.  I changed what I used, I changed friends, I did anything I could think of to alter my use nothing worked.  If I could change the outcome then I wasn't an alcoholic.  The insanity of the first drink prevailed.  No matter which of the methods I tried the result was always the same it was never different.

When I finally got the second step working for me the insanity of the first drink was revealed.  This actually happened before I was at my first meeting.  While in detox I recall talking to another patient.  He was talking about the alcohol he had in his apartment and what to do with it when he got out.  I told him then get rid of it because I knew that if I went home to any alcohol or drugs I would use again.  I realized the insanity of the first drink.  But without the tools if I had not gone to treatment and a halfway house I am sure I would have used again because the steps werent in place.

Through working the steps the second step has changed evolved - for me as all the steps do as we continue to grow in this program.  Today I have a loving and caring God as my Higher Power.  I had to let go of what I had been taught as a child.  I refer to the line in Bills story "Why don't you choose your own conception of God?"  It took time for me unlike Bill where Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes.  For me it felt more like they were pulled slowly and at times painfully.  But it worked through working the steps I have claimed the promise of step twelve having had a Spiritual awakening as the result of these steps.