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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> STEP 8 ALANON 2-13
Post Info TOPIC: STEP 8 ALANON 2-13
hotrod


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STEP 8 ALANON 2-13
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IN ALANON WE BELIEVE LIFE IS FOR GROWTH-PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL

 

STEP 8

 

MADE A LIST OF ALL PERSONS WE HAVE HARMED AND BECAME WILLING TO MAKE AMENDS TO THEM ALL

one DAY AT A TIME IN ALANON PAGE 174

THE ONLY ACTION THIS STEP CALLS FOR IS TO MAKE A LIST.I CAN DO THIS BY ALLOWING MY OPPRESIVE NAGGING GUILT TO RISE TO THE SURFACE OF MY MIND, READY TO DISPOSE OF SO THEY TROUBLE ME NO LONGER.

THE CENTRAL THOUGHT IS WILLINGNESS TO ADMIT OUR ERRORS SO WE CAN CLEAR OUR INNER CONSCIOUSNESS OF GUILT.

 

MY SHARE

HERE I AM ASKED TO look BACK AT MY 4TH AND 5TH STEP AND REFLECT ON MY ACTIONS.AFTER DOING SO IT IS QUITE EASY TO MAKE A LIST OF WHO THESE DEFECTS INJURED.THIS STEP JUST ASKS FOR US TO MAKE THE LIST First and THEN BECOME READY TO MAKE AMENDS.I BECAME READY TOMAKE AMENDS BYSTOPPING JUSTIFYING MY ACTIONS, STOPPING GOSSIPING ABOUT People, STOPPING Blaming OTHERS FOR MY UNHAPPINESS. .

WHEN I DID THAT I COULD THEN BEGIN TO LET GO OF THE ANGER AND SADNESS I FELT AT THE PEOPLE ON MY LISTI COULD SEE MY PART IN THE SITUATION AND OWN IT.ONCE THIS HAPPENED I WAS SLOWLY BECOMING FREE TO make The AMENDS THAT COULD SET ME FREE.I saw also that my actions took away the initiative and their feeling of accomplishment by taking the credit for activities they could have achieved. I harmed others by gossiping and judging them. Most importantly I harmed others by ignoring them, not including them, deciding I did not like them and just walking away without explanation. I was running on feelings and forgot about principles

Step 8 questions

1.Have you started your list yet? Have you made a mental list of the people you believe you have harmed?


2. Have you placed yourself on the list?


3. What are the relationships, past or present, that bother you the most?

 

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-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 1st of October 2015 11:24:56 AM



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Betty
f2fmember


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RE: STEP 8 ALANON
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I did step 8 by having 3 lists. One for people I was prepared to make amends to
One for people I would consider making amends to
and One for people I would never make amends to.

What I've found is that my HP have put people from my 3rd list...people I would never make amends to.....in my path. I have met them and become willing to make amends.

This isn't to make other people feel better. Its to allow me to let go of guilt.
The people in my first list just wanted me to be better. Being in recovery was all they needed as amends.

I've learned that some of the people of my amends lists didn't belong there at all. I have spent lots of years being responsible for other peoples unacceptable behaviour. They didn't want or need my amends. I however learned what was my responsibility and what wasn't....which was a really important lesson to learn.

This isn't a step I can complete by myself. I need my HP to place opportunity in my path....in His time not mine.

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Progress not Perfection
hotrod


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Thank you F2F

It seems that your are well into Step 8  Good Job



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Betty
NicoleDiver


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I have a question:  what if I did something that I thought was right and good but it ended up wrecking havoc and hurting people.  Do I still make amends for hurting people when it was not my intention?  When I was really trying to do the right thing?  I am really confused about this.  I feel terrible about some advice I gave to someone and the advice ended up being terrible advice, although that was not my intent.  But I am overwhelmed with guilt about this because of how everything turned out. 



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hotrod


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Nicole This is a great example  Here you can "examine your motives, and  Own your part.   You thought it was the right solution to he situation-You regret suggesting the action and have learned how important it is to allow others the time to  arrive at their own solutions.  The lesson you have learned is to  offer empathy and support.to friends and allow them the time to work out their issues.



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Betty
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