ACoA Step 1

JamesCT · Senior Member

ACoA Step 1

poppy18 · Member

Thanks for the reminder. It's hard to ask for help in the little things...and taking this step is a big thing!

I'm having a hard time tonight. I'm struggling because I need to ask someone for help tomorrow.

I need to tell my surgeon that my voice is weak and I am not able to do my job properly. I can't talk much louder than a whisper by the end of the day. It's painful and a bit scary because I don't know if I'm making things worse. Then - this is the hard part - I have to ask for a doctor's note. I keep thinking What if...she doesn't think I need one, she says no, she thinks I'm only asking to get out of work, she thinks ___________ (fill in the blank with something negative about me!). Aaaaah!!

My husband said a pilot can't fly if he can't see. And you can't teach if you can't talk. Be honest and don't get emotional.
But just asking for help makes me want to cry. I feel "why bother even hoping for help, it doesn't do any good".

I think we've all been extremely disappointed by people who were supposed to take care of us. That's what makes this a difficult step for me.

Poppy

poppy18 · Member

So, a wise man has given me a good analogy about powerlessness vs. helplessness. Thank you ;)

I can see how I'm powerless over the effects of alcohol. I behave a certain way (the laundry list) because I'm an ACOA. We all have that in common and those are the results of growing up with an alcoholic parent. No power over that!

I'm not helpless because I'm reaching out. I'm taking the rope that has been thrown to me, the 12 steps, and getting the help and support I need to change the way I think and behave (the solution).

Thanks James :)

Now....is my life unmanageable? Yes but that's a big enough step for me for today. To be continued.....

poppy18 · Member

I am powerless over the effects of alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. Because of my reactions to people and events my life is in fact, unmanageable.

My life looks great on the outside, but feels like it could crumble at any minute. I wait in constant fear of the other shoe dropping. In my attempt to control things I tend to have made a bit of a mess. Worst part - I feel like I'm the only one who knows what a mess I've made. My inner world is in turmoil but I keep it together on the outside. But the effects are obviously going to be felt by my kids and my husband. I want to be better for not only myself, but for them.

So, that's why I'm here.

Thanks for reading :)

Poppy

DavidG · Senior Member

smile Oh, yes... great examples of self-talk Poppy... inspiring...

I wish I had this programme when I was going through my parenting years...

aww David.

poppy18 · Member

David! Thanks friend :)

KayCee · Member

Ive been clean and sober for a couple of years now...Luv it! My problem is I want to MAKE everyone I love to get into recovery as well....Not working out for me!!! Lol! How can I help my family to get well, too? And how do I show my love and support but NOT enable them? All advice appreciated! Thanks! God bless!

DavidG · Senior Member

smile Hi KC... nice to see you!

The header for me is from Concept 4- ~participation is the key to harmony~

so people coming in from other 12 step groups... getting involved is a great thing!

My ESH to your posting? Leading by example is the answer I think... making progress will inspire people around me.

aww DavidG.

KayCee · Member

Thanks, David.....Ill just focus on "Leading by example", not something Ive did alot of! Thanks, everyone for having me.....

KayCee · Member

I am " Letting go & Leading by example"......Seems to be workin out better for me...I believe my son was" high" tonight, and I didnt even "Blow a gasket" lol! It still bothers me, but I cant make him get well. I CAN pray, and encourage. Thanks ft hY yOu

DavidG · Senior Member

Hi KC,

Bin out of town for a week... Spent time with my son and his new family... life seems a lot better now... smile

Emma222 · Newbie

When the student is ready the teacher appears, And the truth be realized your recovery is a gift .I have past on traits because its all I knew to three of my children. Always hoping they will keep sobriety .It was there addictions and my codependence that brought me into program. This family disease has been a rough rode. Each of our journeys now separate and moving forward. Taking care of yourself and stay open to change...always

KayCee · Member

My life has definitley became unmanagable! Lol! Ive been loosing things, forgeting dates & times, moody, lonley, crying over small things......Think Im ready for the luney bin! Lol! I think Im becoming codependant.( My biggest fear!) I want soo much for my family to be o.k.....I have a hard time accepting that I cant force them all into recovery! Ill keep trying to lead by example....Thanks.

ajmbt · Newbie

I know on paper that I am powerless, but I keep getting myself into situations that I'm forced (by my own self) to "fix". I have a problem with having to "reward" myself when I feel cornered, or, if in fact, I do 'fix' something. Of course the reward often is poorly thought out, or not thought out at all, and BINGO! I have another thing to fix.

Jacks1964 · Member

I am an adult child to 2 alcoholic parents. It was tough growing up. I grew up scared all the time, had insomnia, stomach issues.Felt like I was walking on egg shells. All of my parents friends drank, but they never seemed to get miserable. I used to hide in my room after school to stay out of the way I guess. I attract addicted people, may because they are the kind of people I know best. What is a normal Childhood anyway? I am seeing more and more how my parents drinking affected me and it goes on in my adult like. I have very low self esteem, afraid to admit if I don't understand something for fear of being laughed at. I spend alot of sleepless nights worrying about what might happen. My attitudes are because of my upbringing I know that, but how do I change after 48 years? I want to change, I want to have healthy relationships. If make a decision and it doesn't please others, then I give in so I am not to feel bad.

ACA-AA survivor · Newbie

Nice finding this thread. I'm new here but in AA clean and sober since 95.

I have been wondering why I was different, still, after many years sober. This bit about being still a child in ways is quite true. A start at facing this new understanding of why things the way they are is a big deal.

Like a piece of the puzzle just fell out of the sky.

I look forward to spending time reading on here and getting to know folks.

Peace

JamesCT · Senior Member

ACA-AA survivor wrote:
Nice finding this thread. I'm new here but in AA clean and sober since 95.

I have been wondering why I was different, still, after many years sober. This bit about being still a child in ways is quite true. A start at facing this new understanding of why things the way they are is a big deal.

Like a piece of the puzzle just fell out of the sky.

I look forward to spending time reading on here and getting to know folks.

Peace

Welcome. This is a great place for getting help on the steps. You should also consider coming to our ACoA board for experience, strength, and hope.

http://acoa.activeboard.com

Ula · Newbie

It's like that one realizes one's madness? Total incapability to make anything that is of any use for oneself and for others? Whatever I do is insane..

Is that so? That is how I feel today in Step 1. It's so painful. I want to get out of the asylum where I am alone!!

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.