Step 3 AlAnon - is it not obsessing or letting others walk over us?

barbara · Member

Step 3 AlAnon - is it not obsessing or letting others walk over us?

amanda2u2 · Senior Member

Step 3 alanon, AA and ACoA are all really the same. It is a letting of another decide the outcome - our Higher Power. We have done lousy jobs of deciding outcomes,, with our limited intelligence, understanding and comprehension of the big picture. We usually want what we can think of is best, but we are not able to really comprehend what is best for all and in the long run, limited to only our own perspectives on any given issue. So it is a giving up of trying to control people, places and things according to what we personally want,, and letting others make their own decisions for their own lives, and letting God be God. What a relief it was/is for me,, now that I' ve come to trust God. This Step was sooo hard for me,, cuz my need to control was out of fear,,, fear of the apparent chaos,, fear that if I let other people have their way it would only hurt me. And pride.. I actually thought I knew better than everyone else... Hey, if I were queen and ruled the world.

It is also a giving up of obsessing over things we have no control over... what good does obsessing do? and I am a champion at it! It is part of my magical thinking,, that if I obsess on something I can control it a little bit,, but then we are back to the above,, and back to that it is better to let God be God,,, and that has been full of good surprises to me,, and He works things out so much better than I could have imagined,,, when I let Him do it in His way and in His time.

It is a safety net also,,, cuz.. when everything depends on my control,,, man, that is such a burden. What about when I'm sick, tired, gone, or otherwise falling short of the strength and perfection that it calls for to run things perfectly? God is there to be God. so my slogan now is:

Do your best, and God does the rest. How amazing!

PS. I have to add that that is my current understanding,, and the Step does say "turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. My understanding is still in development,, and it looks like you are developing and growing in understanding also.

love in recovery,

amanda

-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 22:54, 2006-01-07

dot · Senior Member

Hi Barb - I too struggled with Step Three thinking that if I let go what would happen tp me - would I then have to start accepting unacceptable behavior.

Step Three became just what it says - a decision - to turn my thinking and my actions over to my Higher Power. I needed to go on with the Steps to learn who I was and how I had contributed to the pain in my life. By cleaning house, making amends and slowly learning to trust that Higher Power I had turned my life and will over to I learned to know who I was - to take responsibility for my actions and to know what I needed to have a full happy life.

Letting go did not happen all at once for me - it was a process that I learned - one day at a time - by working the Steps in the order they are written and learning to apply all of them to my daily life.

Hope this helps - it's what FINALLY worked for me when I became willing to work all the Steps.

Love - Dot
(((((((Barb))))))

cnh74 · Newbie

I had a face to face meeting with step three over the holidays. We have been struggling with some difficult things over the past six months, and I found myself basically raging against the machine, ifyou will. I was running around trying to get my hands around any and everything I could fix to make myself feel better. I was coming up with scenarios for a job change, getting into a different house, puttin gour kids back into public schools. Anything that I thought would make my life better I was willing to try. I was busy fixing all of the things that didn't need to be fixed. Once I was too exhausted to do anything else I had no choice but to let go. I onlyu wish I had been able to separate out the root cause of what I was feeling, but it honestly took many night of praying for god to show me what I needed to do. I had to let go of it in order for it to be solved. Miraculously, since I let go of it, things have started coming together for us unlike they ever had in the past. I had to figure out what was my "stuff", what I could do to affect my "stuff", and what I just needed to turn over to my higher power.

lollyloopp · Member

I hope I am not to forward in asking this but...

Do you work each step daily? How do you accomplish this if you do? Just by applying throughout the day as necessary or do you have a "ritual"?

Seems I could benefit from something like this!

Learn how the 12 Steps work. Participate in your own recovery as well as the recovery of others, by being active on this board as we go through the 12 Steps of recovery together! We discuss each of the Twelve Steps In the order they are written, one step at a time, every two weeks.