ACoA Step 9

JamesCT · Senior Member

ACoA Step 9

lostinoz · Member

I am working on step nine now. I have reconciled myself with what I have done, and I have sat with it for a while now. I understand why I did what I did, and I forgive myself for it. There are two people on my list that I need to make amends with; my husband and one of my brothers. Both of these are important to me, and I feel its important to do them when I am really well and truly ready. I think my brother needs to hear that I am sorry for invalidating his story by being in denial about my own. For many years I resented him, I resented what he said about our family, I refused to hear it, acknowledge it in any real way, or confirm it. Instead, I continued to live in denial and l became more and more resentful. There were years and years of festering resentment, anger and feelings of abandonment. And now, coming into recovery, and understanding things, I want to tell my brother that I am sorry, that what he said is true, and what he experienced is real. I want to explain that my denial was a coping strategy that helped me get through those years, and then it became all that i knew. I want him to know that I didn't hurt him intentionally and that I love him.

My husband, well that's gonna be complicated. But i'm getting there. More to come.

JamesCT · Senior Member

This is a powerful share and I wish you luck with this.

lostinoz · Member

Thank you, James. I am taking my time with step nine, I want to make sure I do it right.

Sabin · Member

Step 9 was one of the steps i wanted to avoid but eventually i did it with my sponsor. I said sorry to my teenage children and stopped drinking a day at a time and tried to be a sober responsible parent. The shame and guilt had lessened by now because I had forgiven myself for repeating the behaviour that I had learned in childhood. The ACA step 9 says that I need to make amends to myself through developing a loving parent who shows compassion, tolerance and understanding instead of the critical parent who wants to punish and make me believe I am a terrible person who can never be forgiven and needs to suffer , I am so much more aware of that voice inside my head and the power it has over me lessens as i develop my loving parent.

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