Hi! - This is the same as what I shared on another thread, but I will add to it here... I am SO glad to be here. I need recovery! - This place is a favourite on the web...

Questions from the Yellow Workbook for Step 2:

Do I realize I may be the most sane member of my family because I am seeking recovery?

I'm not so sure. I have coda, acoa, and addiction/ocd issues myself. In a way, yes, because my family doesn't know the destruction of the isms. In other ways, some of them are more healthy... I am getting pressure to play roles in the family and to care take and rescue, which is crazy! Maybe in a while I will be saner than most! - I failed at rescuing my whole life, so I cannot see that as sane at all, and I know that sacrificing myself for others will lead to resentments, so that's not the answer either! - I really don't like the plans others have for my life! It's up to me to take care of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Do I realize that I am not unique and that other adult children think and act like me?

I hear so many stories I can relate to - the selfless codependence, the dishes flying, yelling, arguing, perfectionism. Yes, I relate. I also have heard others say they get scapegoated and bullied at work (me too). I hear others talk about boundaries issues. I have let others walk all over me and control me, so no wonder they keep acting like that. I am teaching them that through not asserting my personal power. Yep, lots of relating!


Can I come to believe that I have had an inner strength all along that helped me survive an abusive childhood?

Yes, I believe I did. I have fared better than others in my family. I knew instinctively to stay away from hard drugs, and I did, despite the sick druggie family influences. I developed a toughness that I think helped me. I also knew I had to work through my feelings somewhat, and I talked to our cat. That cat knew a lot!

Can I come to believe that a Higher Power has been with me always and helped me survive until I could find ACA?

Yes, I can see how it came up in my life at times to strengthen me. Also, i can now see times when a HP was trying to teach me through others. These lessons keep appearing! (until I learn!)

Do I believe I can love myself and ask for help? That I don't have to do this alone?

Yes, I have changed this way. I have been attending regular meetings, and I had a spell where I felt really guilty and was blaming myself, and I increased my psych appointments. I have also increased my time in these forums and my step work to combat this! Community and the steps help! I do not have to choose to be isolated...

More questions from the workbook:

Do I tend to get involved in relationships with an addict or other compulsive personality such as a workaholic or sex addict?

Yes, I am compulstive myself, and I found another. We are both acoa and struggle at times with compulsions. I developed a problem with drinking which I NEVER said I would. I was so anti it! So, the unconscious influences are there, and I've learned that they will exert themselves in my life unless I work programs, and with emotional honesty. I really need to release grief, fears, guilt sadness - all kinds of stuck emotions... to let go and let god... I'm working on accepting the past as it is. -coming to acceptance...

Do I mislabel violent and chaotic relationships as "passionate" and "complex?"

Hmm. I don't think so. I grew up with violence and I see it as abuse. I did let go of really decent guys a boyfriends when I was young. I know now that I was looking for someone acoa like me... I had no idea then, though.

Do my relationships show a pattern of intensity, indifference, and fits and restarts? Is blaming others a theme in my relationships?

I really used to blame. I do this much less now. I am even seeing my dad as kind of bumbling along and trying to help... He didn't intend such destruction. He was just really, really sick. My brother was also really and truly sick. He also didn't mean to hurt me this much. In the past, as a young adult, I would hang on to a lot more anger at both of them for the pain they caused. Now, I'm learning to feel the pain and other feelings, to let them move through me, then to release them.

Do I mask my need to control others by appearing cheerful or helpful?

Yes, I think this applies. I grew up around extended family who were especially cheery but very, very controlling. I tried many times to control my brother, but he never let me. I was quite unsuccessful at controlling the destinies and actions of others! I failed at it my whole life, so maybe it's time to learn to let it go... ! - Others have their own path in life, and I am not their Higher Power!

Do I try to get my needs of love and happiness met by people who cannot do enough for me or who cannot meet my expectations?

Yes, I sure do. I have relied on family who aren't there for me emotionally. I need to accept them as they are and as they were. It's my responsibility to get my own needs met. I really get this part of the 12 step programs! - If I have a broken and addiction disease affected family, I can choose my own supports, and friends can be like family! This is such a relief to me! I don't have to rely on those who want to manipulate me for their own needs anymore...