Thank you Betty

I have found myself speaking to my HP alot more frequently these days. All around me, everyday things where I normally would react and am now practicing biting my tongue and taking a moment to pause and think. Instead of my silence being used to punish it is being used to find serenity in asking my HP. What is the loving and kind way to respond? I have often started to speak and then mumble off and say wait one minute....where are those tools. The very first tool I need to be going for is giving it up to HP. Here you go, I know that there is a better healthier way. I am stubborn as an ox and bull headed. Some say Im strong....willed that is. Dont tell me I cant do it, I'll show you.....not always a good thing. Control is something I struggle with. I forget its not meant to be a tug of war. How does one play tug of war with oneself? lol I am actually pretty good at it. Its just really not necessary. At this very moment A is wondering around with one of his buddies completely inebriated. Normal reaction would be to pace around calling and worrying and getting very angry....not tonight....its about me trusting HP and finding peace and working my program. Moment by moment, day by day. If I take the time to think thoroughly through that moment I realize I can trust my HP. Practice makes progress not perfection.

When I arrived at this lesson and questions I really had to put my thinking cap on because in my mind the message goes much deeper then the simple words.  While organizing my thoughts I came to one question that answers it all for me....

" Do we see what God sees when he looks at us...."

God sees beyond our sins and our failures to the possibility that we can be of great use to him. God doesn't see what we see, God knows our heart, God forgives and works his wonders through us.

Author is Myra Welch. When she wrote this, she was old and confined to a wheelchair battered and scarred with severe arthritis which had taken away her ability to make music. To most of the world, I bet she looked like someone whose life was spent, used up and over. But with her badly disabled hands she took a pencil and wrote this poem.

"Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile.
"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who'll start bidding for me?
A dollar, a dollar - now who"ll make it two _
Two dollars, and who"ll make it three?

"Three dollars once, three dollars twice,
Going for three". . . but no!
From the room far back a gray-haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;
Then wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening up the strings,
He played a melody, pure and sweet,
As sweet as an angel sings.

The music ceased and the auctioneer
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bidden for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow;
"A thousand dollars - and who'll make it two?
Two thousand - and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice
And going - and gone," said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand -
What changed its worth?" The man replied:
"The touch of the masters hand."

And many a (one) with life out of tune,
And battered and torn with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to a thoughtless crowd.
Much like the old violin.

A "mess of pottage," a glass of wine,
A game and he travels on,
He's going once, and going twice -
He's going - and almost gone!

But the MASTER comes, and the foolish crowd,
Never can quite understand,
The worth of a soul, and the change that's wrought
By the touch of the MASTER'S hand.

May God give us the vision to see the difference our God can make in the life of anyone, whose heart belongs to God. May God give us the vision to see what he sees. Amen.

 

1. To remember this Step, you may find it helpful to write it down in the form of an affirmation. For example; "I have turned my life and my will over to the care of God today. All is well."

"Chill our Mel. HP has your back "

2. If you knew that all was well and on schedule in your life today, how would you feel? If you knew that things were being managed by a power great than yourself in a way that would work out to your best interests, how would you act differently?

After reading this question, I have asked it of myself many times each day and found tremendous relief from nagging doubt and that niggling fear that "something is wrong" and I'm "not doing enough". I feel more peaceful because of this and, funny, I find myself more able to tackle tasks effectively when I am not in a constant state of anxiety and worry about "what I should be doing"!! Interesting how that works. I'm starting to have a real "go with the flow attitude" and instead of achieving less, I'm achieving more. Trippy.

3. If you knew you had no power to control events, outcomes, or a particular person, how would you behave differently? What would you say or do? What would you stop saying or doing? What would you do differently for yourself in order to enjoy your own life now, to live in the present moment?

By recognising that I don't have control over another's actions, I've finally lost the feeling that I need to be "angry, cold or dissaproving" whenever I feel they have done the wrong thing. So I am pleasant and enjoy interractions with them regardless (assuming they havent hurt me personally in which case I need to be clear about my boundaries). So for example, if ABF stays up all night drinking and sleeps through work the next day, I don't need to express my displeasure at all because it's not my problem. Thus I have a happier home-life and am blamed less often for his actions too! Win! I am finding this bleeding into my relationships with others too and am much less rattled by other people's behaviour.

4. If you weren't allowing someone else to control you, what would you be doing differently? What would you do today with your life? How would you feel?
I'm only just beginning to figure this out; my life has been completely about some-one else for so long I don't really even know what I want! But that will come. I'm sure of it.


6.What can I do to try to see others as God sees them? Remind myself to do so? It's a new idea to me.

7.How can I stop myself from taking my will back ? Practice, stay with the program...when I don't, "taking my will back" is exactly what I do and everything starts to slip....

8. DO I trust HP to care for me? Yes.