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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Step Work -> Step Work -> Step 9 alanon
Post Info TOPIC: Step 9 alanon
hotrod


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Step 9 alanon
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STEP 9

MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHERE EVER POSSIBLE EXCEPT WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS

Odat  PAGE 175

LOVE AND PATIENCE CAN MAKE AMPLE AMENDS FOR PAST INJURIES THEY RSTORE US TO SANITY AND OUR LIVES TO SERENITY

MY SHARE

In this Step I again had to take time and define what exactly did amend mean and what way could I best achieve my goals?  I realized that amends did not mean saying I am sorry after all that was easy for me I could say I am sorry and not mean a word.  My amends came in a subtle change in my attitude toward many on my list.  You see they never knew that I had been judging, blaming, resenting them in my mind and that I was very angry about there behavior.  Using the slogans, and asking hp for help I finally let go of my resentments, and anger toward them and then my amend was my treatment of them became filled with courtesy, kindness and compassion.   Others had passed on and I made my amends by learning from my past behavior and feeling my forgiveness of them and they of me.  This is a powerful  Step 

 

Step 9 Questions

1. Have you made any amends to other people yet? How did this feel?

2. If you are ready, set some amends goals. For instance, name the people to whom you would like to make amends. Set a reasonable deadline and a goal for apologizing, wherever that is appropriate. Be as specific or as general as you want. You may want to make your goal "to become aware of the people I owe apologies to, and then make those amends." Or you may have a list of names and incidents and want to set a deadline for talking to these people.

3. What is the relationship that is bothering you the most right now? What do you need to do to take care of yourself in that relationship? What would you say if you were free to be entirely honest with that person about your behaviors, your feelings, and what you wanted and needed? How have you discounted yourself or not owned your power in that relationship? How have you discounted or devalued the other person?

4. What is the biggest guilt you have right now? Using the steps as a formula, how can you deal with that, so you can be done with the guilt?

5. For any amends you have made, write a self-forgiveness affirmation that helps you let go of guilt. A sample affirmation might read: "I love and accept myself. I have taken responsibility for my behavior with _____, and I am now free to let the past go." We can also write a similar affirmation about forgiving others: "I have dealt with my feelings toward ____, and I have forgiven him or her. I have let go of my feelings toward him or her, and I allow peace and love to settle into our relationship."

 

 



-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 7th of January 2014 04:54:00 AM

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Betty
pp


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One evening in a meeting I heard an old timer explain the difference between an amend and an "I am sorry" and it was so profound for me.  It made sense. I began to pay more attention to my motives.  There are times when an "I am sorry" is an amend as the feeling/motives change the delivery and sometimes the reception.  Making amends has given me the chance to free me from guilt over my past behaviors, to restore my integrity, to see my humanity, and help me to live with humility.  It also can give the other a chance to exercise forgiveness.  I can say that because I have been on the receiving end of amends and it was a gift for me to know that I could forgive things I did not believe I could forgive. I have made amends, too, without contact with another, as the contact would have been injurious to me.



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Paula
hotrod


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Thank you Paula for sharing your experencce with such clarity, wisdom and honesty.

 Examining my  motives is/ was a huge tool to aid my recovery  and  lift my denial.

I appreciate  sharing this journey together. 



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Betty
pp


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I appreciate the journey together, too.  Another awareness I have had while thinking about this step is, with my willingness to make amends, people amd situations from my past present themselves.  Out of the blue I will have an awareness of someone I hurt, or I see a situation differently where I wasn't as innocent as I had myself believe.



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Paula
hotrod


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Yes Paula  I do understand and have had the same coincidences .

HP does seem to see when I am ready and presents the idea to my conscious mind.

What a fantastic Spiritual Journey we are on!!!!



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Betty
DavidG


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smile My impression of the steps in early AA is that they were done, sometimes in the first week of sobriety. For someone new in sobriety it was a chance to advertise their desire to change and put the past behind them. I have done steps 8 and 9 in the formal sense and passed the rest of my faults onto step 10.

A lot of the time I have tired to live 'one day at a time' and done step work where the opportunity presented. Especially with family.

aww DavidG.



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hotrod


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Hi David

Thanks for your share,  I agree,  I do believe that  in early AA they did the  Steps rather quickly so as to get to Spiritual Awakening.  Whatever works is my mantra.  

The Steps are powerful tools for recovery and they work when we work them smile

Glad that you shared your thoughts



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Betty
pp


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I wish it was as easy as just finishing the steps....I wanted to hurry up and get my earned spiritual awakening...oh tee heeaww I will finish when I am supine forever (My body, that is)wink



-- Edited by pp on Wednesday 8th of January 2014 07:12:11 PM

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Paula
DavidG


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smile Hmmm Paula, I guess this is drifting into coffee time...  ...recently I have been having conversations about what an Alanon step 12 looks like... ...in my 20's I used to have times of awareness and illumination. They did not last. But I sense they were glimpses of what it was like to have normal happy emotions.

So I could begin to build a future around these experiences. I am getting closer to feeling like this most of the time. Now I have ways of picking myself up when I am down. If I can 'keep it simple' for long enough that, for me, would make a good Alanon high. confuse... aww



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hotrod


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I do believe that I had  been spiritually  asleep for many years before alanon.  Starting the program praying, reflecting, living one day at a time, I know I have become more and more spiritually awake.  
 
As long as I keep practicing these tools I will stay spiritually  awake and be able  to carry HPs message to others.  
We are all Miracles  in Progress 


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Betty
John


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Betty, Paula and David, I have really enjoyed reading your comments to Step 9. I am struggling with making a few amends that I know I need to make in the near future. Promptly is not happening at this stage of my development... I am still pretty spiritually sick from a wound inflicted on my spirit and emotional center just over 3 years ago. I know I have done some wrongs that I need to try to make right, and change or alter my attitude and behavior related to the past, so I can truly be free to move forward. I am making progress, but it is still a bit slow and keeping the reins on my emotional center, as I adventure into a new experience, and try to turn the page in my life so I am living in today, and looking forward to tomorrow, instead of regretting and resenting the past. I don't want to just jump out there and "do it", as a means of only going through the motions of step 9, but I want to get to a place that allows me to make my amends from a position of honesty, humility and sincerity. I do feel I am moving closer to it each day and that, in itself is a blessing for me. From my past experience with this step I know it is freeing, and brings me into the sunlight of the spirit, were true joy can be experienced and expressed in my daily life. I guess, I am watching my motives a bit on this one, and trying to become free of them, as well as the wreckage when I finally open my mouth.

As for financial amends, I know I owe one that is well over due. It's not a lot, but as broke as I have been on so many levels (not just economically), I have not been able to keep my word and follow through. This I do intend to change in the very near future. It has been quite a while since this debt was sought out and accepted by me, and while the person I owe it to has not said a unkind word about it, actually nothing at all, I am tired of feeling the shame and guilt of not having paid it back long before now. One thing I learned early on is an amends is not an "I'm sorry". It is admitting I was wrong and making the wrong right.

Thank you for bringing this step to the focus of this board and giving me the reminder that Step 9 is the step that can restore old bridges, build new bridges, and let's things become water... under the bridge.

John









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hotrod


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Dear John,
Thank your for sharing your wisdom and insights into this powerful Step. I do believe that making amends is much more than saying "I am sorry" and that change in behavior  and attitude is so very  important to the process. 
 
 I am sure that anyone owed financial amends knows full well your character and honesty and about all the work you donate to this Board and recovery.  Quite possibly the debt has already been satisfied and the books  closed.
Loved how you closed your post  with such a beautiful, perfect picture of recovery:
John Said
 
"that Step 9 is the step that can restore old bridges, build new bridges, and let's things become water... under the bridge."


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Betty
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