Adult Children of Alcoholics Step 2

JamesCT · Senior Member

Adult Children of Alcoholics Step 2

Serenity4uNme · Member

i too had a conversation with an athiest .. what came to me is experience .. i shared only what i've learned: there is no right or wrong good bad .. there is experience only .. for you, you don't believe in god; your experiences have led you to believe there isn't one .. that's ok .. that's what you know .. for me, i believe there is; my 'experience: different than opinions' has led me to believe there is .. that's ok .. the only thing that would make these bad would be judging them as so .. just what they are ..

all of our beliefs are defined in general based on what we experience only .. there is no right or wrong . there is only what we know .. we all know different things because we've all walked through different situations .. experience is just what it is .. i also mentioned the importance of 'trying to keep an open mind while working through the steps' Experience has taught me also that sometimes experiences change along with our beliefs .. we are powerless over alcohol; we are powerless over recovery .. turning my life over to my sponsor in step 3 was my way of turning my life over to the care of god, her too; they both cared about me .. etc .. trusted my sponsor had experience and would help me walk through the steps allowing me to heal .. her experience was also bigger than mine .. in a meeting .. two to several heads are a power Greater than mine .. beautiful ..

Serenity4uNme · Member

In Step 2 .. Step 2 is about hope because it's about what higher power can do .. My insanity was thinking there was no power greater than me .. if i hadn't come up with a solution; noone else could ? My insanity was believing there was no 'other way better than mine .. all i had was my limited thinking, narrow minded views, failed attempts, confusion, despair and disease .. i was very self Righteous .. when it came to god, i thought god was punishing me so to think he wanted to help me was out of the question .. i was afraid of him and i thought he wanted to punish me .. i grew out of many fearful beliefs .. what i slowly came to see is how many people i placed on the ladder above me .. i felt less important because i was .. noone shared anything like we do in meetings so i felt like i was the only one who couldn't manage .. i viewed others as my higher powers .. one day i sat thinking of how perfect i had made them all in my minds .. and how perfect i think i should be .. i realised they were my higher powers .. than i began thinking . well wait .. power is supposed to be a good thing; a healing thing .. i began seeing i felt crushed by the power of the people around me .. including my own .. this led me to become more aware that if i felt god was punishing me; he was because they were .. i was .. if i felt god was ignoring me, he was because they were .. i was .. if god felt far away, he was because they were, i was .. if i felt god wasn't loving me, he wasn't because they weren't, i wasn't .. began to see how much through the year i projected all of us me on to higher power .. as i began to see this, my hope began to grow .. i finally began asking myself .. well if they aren't my higher powers and i'm not my higher power .. what could higher power begin to do .. what would that be like.. in seeing this i realised i was already in the process of being restored to clarity .. since we can only know what we experience, i realised i didn't really know higher power because i really hadn't experienced hp; i had experienced people .. others and me with a disease; family disease first of alcoholism and then on a deeper and clearer level .. others and me with a paradisease .. presteps i had come to believe every negative thing i was ever told .. this takes time to heal .. it's definitely a process;not an event as i used to believe it was 'supposed to be .. i also didn'tknow that faith was something that needed to grow .. i thought it was something we either had or didn't .. never felt much like i had it but when i put my faith in myself and people without putting it in higher power first .. i had misplaced my faith and ended up hurt every time .

HoosierCat · Member

Until last year I always took great pride in how I was able to manage everything without help. Now I don't. I realize that it is a big part of my false self. This thinking also puts me in situations that I should avoid. I still struggle to fix situations, but can recognize it more easily and take a step back. I am slowly developing a faith and relationship with a higher power, but this too I am taking slowly. I see the healing in my life. I still have so many regrets for the past, but hope that this work will help me to value a future.

DavidG · Senior Member

For a long time I worried a lot about presenting the higher power ideas for others, rather than supplying them to myself.

Well, I was always so very careful not to ram ideas down other people's throats.

In recent times I have been tinkering with the idea that it is a good idea to do the first three steps inside the group. Not for everyone, I am sure. But it does appeal to my inner kid.

JamesCT · Senior Member

DavidG wrote:
For a long time I worried a lot about presenting the higher power ideas for others, rather than supplying them to myself.
Well, I was always so very careful not to ram ideas down other people's throats.
In recent times I have been tinkering with the idea that it is a good idea to do the first three steps inside the group. Not for everyone, I am sure. But it does appeal to my inner kid.

How to approach the Steps is kind of like how to approach exercise. Some people are motivated by or supported by group activity. Other people thrive in dyads or by themselves. The methods are different, but if you're working the Steps, IMO you still get to the same destination.

KimNH68 · Newbie

could there be fear of hp. I was raised catholic but have had interest in other spiritual encounters. I am still searching for my higher power. I was so abused and neglected in my original faith, and every time I get closer to one it eludes me, where I can't participate anymore. So as much as I am trying to let go, and let God I need to have trust in my hp which I don't have, can anyone relate.

Serenity4uNme · Member

I started to respond to your reply the other night Kim .. I got tired and stopped; I'm not at home but will send you my reply in a pm when I'm home to pull it back up .. I relate and yes there can be fear .. but I know for me a lot of my fear was having people as my gods without really realizing it .. higher powers .. if they were angry at me; god was angry at me; if they were distant; god was distant .. if they were punishing me; god was punishing me .. etc .. same can be said of myself at times; I projected my feelings; thoughts; ideals; understanding or lack of on to god .. the god of 'our' understanding; god who understands us knows how confusing it can all be ..

JamesCT · Senior Member

KimNH68 wrote:
could there be fear of hp. I was raised catholic but have had interest in other spiritual encounters. I am still searching for my higher power. I was so abused and neglected in my original faith, and every time I get closer to one it eludes me, where I can't participate anymore. So as much as I am trying to let go, and let God I need to have trust in my hp which I don't have, can anyone relate.

Yes, of course, there can be a fear of a Higher Power, especially if you were raised in a religion that presented God (or whatever) in a frightening, punitive framework. But this isn't about religion, dogma, or rules. This is a program of accepting a connection to the larger world around you and letting the universe guide you in moving past these things that have arisen in the wake of the alcoholic (or the trauma) and our FOO. If you can find this in a recognized organized religion, then fine. If you need to separate this from religion, then fine. And if you just have to turn this into solely "more than just myself," then fine.

The main thing about this or any of the steps is to not let the words keep you from the promise.

Sabin · Member

Step 2 a power greater than my self was for me the group at meetings, I could charge my batteries, draw on the strength from others and realise I was connected and not on my own. I pray for guidance, accept my doubting as part of the process and my continued recovery is prove enough that a HP is working in my life and my sanity has been restored

InvisibleButterfly · Newbie

I came to know my HP in 2003 when I was baptised in water. He has been very good to me. For some reason though, I just can't seem to 'Let go and Let God' when it comes to the issue of my mother. I suppose it's truly 'progress and not perfection'.

Serenity4uNme · Member

as someone shared with me recently, it makes sense that coming here sharing is letting go and letting god . .

JamesCT · Senior Member

Bumping for this two week period.

LearningToTrust · Newbie

I too struggle/have struggled with the negative perceptions I have had about God/higher power as a result of how I was raised and how the ideas and beliefs of those that I was in relationship with portrayed and promoted their ideas about God.

I too have come to realize that the negative perceptions and fears that I have about God are really negative ways I have been damaged by others who must also have been damaged by similar circumstances in their lives by those that came before them and influenced their thinking and experiences surrounding ideas and perceptions about God...

It is so strange... Almost every negative perception I have about God... If I trace it to why I think that, I can almost always remember a time where something happened within relationships within the "community of religion" I was raised in that coincides with the negative perception... Yet, to untangle and root out the twist that leaves me miserably afraid of God and convinced that it is actually God that is that way toward me is not an easy task...

For a very long time now, I have had this terrible sense that God loathed me... That God loathed my very existence... And even though I can logic out and connect that perception to clear events from my past, it is still so powerfully damaging. The reality was that "people," often, in the name of God, were unhappy with me because I was not doing things the way they attempted to insist that I do them. Because I refused or could not think and believe the way they believed, they would look at me with the very disgust I imagined and was branded deeply with as "how God was" and ,how God saw me".

For me, it has taken a lot of time and grace ... Healing has occurred slowly but surely through new relationships that better represented a gracious expression of God that didn't depend on me being controlled and manipulated and abused.

Instead, as healthy, loving and gracious people saw me, heard me, and accepted me and encouraged me along my journey, I have been experiencing new experiences that have been replacing the old damaging impacts with new healing ones.

This process has been slow and painful but sooooo awesome. Damage occurred over time and insanity, healing often requires time and grace...

This is my experience with this whole God issue. Even though I have new experiences that have brought about healing ... It often doesn't take Mitch for a relapse into my old fears and my own insanity as a result of all of this to trip me up for a time... With continued work toward serenity, the slips don't last as long and my ability to free myself from the negative influences of that old thinking and those old fears grows.

I am so thankful to be recovering from my personal form of insanity due to the negative affects of so may ISM's...

Kheirra · Member

For me, there are so many different possibilities, that I have no idea what I believe in, other than "something". Is it okay to have "Something" as my higher power? I know that something makes things happen, whether it's choices, faith, science, cause and effect, etc.. SOMETHING does it!

For the longest time I steered clear of all things 12 steps related, due to the fact that you had to submit to a higher power.
I never did go to meetings for myself though, I went with friends' parents, my father, my boyfriend (child's father). I would go as support, I would hold their hand and be there, but I would never actually be able to relate to the stories. Usually I just zoned out, as I had been the person who had experienced everything, and did not relate to their stories. They were not mine. Now that I have found mine, I can actually realize that there are reasons to be here, and that the fear of a higher power held me back.

Thank you.

JamesCT · Senior Member

Kheirra wrote:
For me, there are so many different possibilities, that I have no idea what I believe in, other than "something". Is it okay to have "Something" as my higher power? I know that something makes things happen, whether it's choices, faith, science, cause and effect, etc.. SOMETHING does it!

Yes. It's perfectly fine to say there is something without knowing what said something is with specificity.

countrygirl · Member

1. Do I realize I may be the most sane member of my family because I am seeking recovery?
Yes, I believe I am the only member of my family, besides my mother, who actually sees that growing up with an alcoholic father is still affecting me. I am the only member of my family who is seeking recovery although it times it seems like I am the only member who is affected besides my mother. I believe that in reality they just dont talk about it and have not looked into it so they dont understand what the effects have been.

2. Do I realize that I am not unique and that other adult children think and act like me?
I do realize that I am not unique and that other adult children think and act just like me. I did not realize this until finding the laundry list, message boards and online meetings where people are sharing their thoughts. It is comforting knowing that I am not a crazy person and that there is hope for recovery. I am somewhat resentful that I did not have a choice but to go through this. I find myself reading others posts and saying YES!!!!! Almost in shock that my thoughts are being expressed by someone else.

3. Can I come to believe that I have had an inner strength all along that helped me survive an abusive childhood?
I have considered myself a strong person for the past few years and do believe that this has helped me to survive my childhood as well as adult experiences.

4. Can I come to believe that a Higher Power has been with me always and helped me survive until I could find ACA?
I do believe that there is a power stronger than myself that has helped me and guided me through my experiences. Over the past year I have found myself reflecting on past experiences and realizing that there was deeper meaning in many things that I would have considered mistakes previously. Everything happens for a reason and this has become abundantly clear to me over the past year. A higher power has brought things/people/experiences into my life.
5. Do I believe I can love myself and ask for help? That I don't have to do this alone?
I know that I can love myself, there are many things about me that I do love and there are many things about me that need work. I believe that I am working on the items that need work or at least am aware of them and plan to do the work. I am asking for help by researching online, reading, working the program, participating in message boards and online meetings and I have also started counselling. I am currently looking for a sponsor and I am also seeking a counsellor with specific ACOA training and have contacted the addictions foundation. I know that I dont have to do this alone, but I also know that I am responsible for my own recovery.

6. Do I tend to get involved in relationships with an addict or other compulsive personality such as a workaholic or sex addict?
I definitely tend to be attracted to these chaotic relationships. I am a serial monogamist and believe that I am addicted to love. I have been in relationships with several alcoholics, a sex addict and my current relationship is a huge struggle for me, it seems to me that he is a sports addict who can be at times emotionally unavailable to me. I struggle very much with some of his traits while at the same time being hopelessly attracted to others.

7. Do I mislabel violent and chaotic relationships as "passionate" and "complex?"
Hmm, this is kind of a tough one. I do tend to gravitate towards chaotic relationships and if a relationship is not chaotic it is rather boring to me. I know that I am very attracted to passion in a relationship and that when/if the passion starts to fade I start to get bored or distance myself.

8. Do my relationships show a pattern of intensity, indifference, and fits and restarts? Is blaming others a theme in my relationships?
My relationships do show a pattern of being very intense with fits and restarts. My relationships tend to be very passionate at the beginning or I am not interested. I tend to stuff my feelings and hope things that bother me will go away or get better. It gets to a point where these items dont change and I begin to get resentful and indifferent. I then confront the issues and expect a change, for awhile things will get better but then the issues tend to resurface we begin the cycle again of being indifferent and resentful, followed by confrontation, then honeymoon phase then resurfacing again. Eventually I get fed up and shut down and want to run. Usually at this point the relationship ends and I move on to the next one. Traditionally I have blamed the other in my relationships for these problems but over the past year have come to realize that it is me and not them. I am attracting this pattern and I am the one who needs to take action to change it.

9. Do I mask my need to control others by appearing cheerful or helpful?
Wow, I definitely do this. Nothing bothers this girl, I am so laid back, easy to get along with, always happy and would do anything I could to help. Why do I do this? Simple, because I expect the other person to be laid back, easy to get along with, always happy and would do anything they could to help me. In effect, I am trying to control them, and when they dont Treat me the way I treat them, Do unto others the way you would have done to you, I become resentful.

10. Do I try to get my needs of love and happiness met by people who cannot do enough for me or who cannot meet my expectations?
Oh yes, I am guilty as charged! I consistently look outside of myself for others to love me and make me happy. People cannot live up to my expectations and when they dont it affects me way too much. My entire day can be ruined and my mood can go from happy to sad because my boyfriend didnt like something I posted on Facebook. Seriously, how ridiculous is that? I know that I have to look inside myself for love and happiness and not let others affect me. This is why I have come to seek recovery. I need to fix me.

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