My Share:

I find tradition 6 to be refreshing. I am a very political person, generally speaking. I got married because of politics, and I even shop according to my politics. It is exhausting.

I appreciate that in AlAnon, I can be myself outside of the political, activist space I usually occupy. It helps me to express myself and helps me hear other members without the cloud of outside affiliations. It allows me to focus on myself and my needs, which I honestly do not do well in most situations.

Tradition 6 Questions:

What distractions have kept me from focusing on the spiritual aspects of my life?

My wife is the biggest distraction. I feel like I was able to be in touch with my spiritual side, and I was able to focus on myself in addition to others for a while, but that my relationship with my wife really obstructs this. At the same time, I fear that this is a personal issue, and that, not matter who I am around, I put them and their needs first. This is true for family, friends, and significant others. I hope that, though my Alanon program, I will regain the natural balance that I seem to find when I am alone.

How can trying to please everyone around me divert me from my primary purpose?

For some reason, I never feel like I am good enough, and I seek approval from outside sources. This means that I try to make others (including my AW) happy in the desperate hope that their happiness with trickle down to me. I almost did not finish my degree because of this. My real friendships were neglected because of this, and my relationship with my parents was on the rocks because of this. I need to work on being gentle with myself, and agreeing that the best I can do in any situation is good enough. I need to stop stressing about other people. I probably will not make them happy, anyway.

In what ways can I cooperate with others and still honor my own boundaries?

This says "say what I mean, mean what I say, but don't say it mean" to me. I think, actually, that living with an active Alcoholic who may or may not be taking treatment seriously while also being involved in my own alanon program and starting individual therapy while finishing my degree and holding down 2 jobs is a lot. I think I have made strides toward honoring my boundaries by NOT taking over with the legalities of my wife's DUI. Her court date is in less than a week and she doesn't have an lawyer. I am letting that be her issue, and am not really talking about it. I am not counting drinks or trying to find bottles. I am prioritizing bills from the accident and in general that are in my name. I am saying "you need to get a job" but I am not checking up on how many applications were filled out each day. I think in terms of this question that I have no issues with this distinction at work. It is with my wife that I really struggle here.

How does staying focused on the spiritual quality of others help me to have healthy relationships?

I think it helps to see everyone as a whole, not just the isolated aspect that we may or may not like. Everyone has issues and things they are recovering from, working through, and working toward. Staying focused on this allows me to forgive and let go of resentments from imperfections.

How can tradition six help me to lead a more thoughtful and focused life?

I think tradition 6 helps me to be goal-oriented and to focus on aspects of people that will benefit the common good. It helps me to see over little differences, and to see people as whole and imperfect beings.