My Share

This is an important tradition. I think, especially in an era in which even the public buses are sponsored by Miller, Coors, and other private companies, financial independence gives each AlAlon group the freedom to do the spiritual work of AlAnon, without worrying about who likes or dislikes it, and without worrying about losing the financial support of a sponsoring company. This way, AlAnon remains independent and free. 

I think that, for me, showing up is the most important way that I can support AlAnon. There are a lot of people who go to my home group meeting who have a lot more financial resources than I do, and the financial contributions I can make do help. But, the thing that no one else can contribute to the group is me and my participation. 

Tradition Seven questions

How does Tradition Seven help me to focus on my wants and needs?

I haven't thought of tradition 7 in this way before, but this question lead me to think about how I, too, need to be independent of outside influences in making decision in my life. The means no only do I make time for my program, but that I do not allow my AW (who decided again not to buy any more alcohol after she just finishes what is in the house right now) to influence my decisions. This isn't to say that I become a horrid partner who never compromises, but that my decisions have to be good for me. I cannot allow her outside influence to lead me to decisions that I KNOW are bad decisions for me to make. 

What does being so supportive truly mean?

For me, being supportive means primarily being supportive of myself and my needs. By putting myself and my needs first, I ensure that I am able to "show up" when other people need me. It means that I can give my wife the kind of help she needs (the non-enabling kind). It means that when someone new walks through the door at an AlAnon meeting, that I am able to offer the loving, compassionate support that I was met by when I first walked through that door myself. 

When  does being self-supporting require  faith and trust?

 All the time? lol! I have to have faith and trust in my HP that things are going to work out when I take the time to put myself first. By trusting my HP to take care of the details, I am empowered to act in my own best interest. I am not bound by worry about all the little details, or all the little things that could go wrong, the "what ifs". I have to trust that my HP has it, and carry on with what I am doing. 

For my home group, we have to trust that people will keep showing up for meetings, despite busy work schedules. We have to trust that the group will still be there, and we have to trust that somehow, we will have rent covered even when participation is low.  

What tools have I found in Al-Anon the help me to become more self supporting?

The most important tool I have found is to remember to be gentle with myself. Other tools have been noticing when someone or something is not good for me, being able to define exactly why, and knowing how to set boundaries so that I can take care of myself without being defensive or mean. I still go back to the "name calling replacement tool" when I need to. (Oh, Skorpi, if only you weren't such a chainsaw... Makes me laugh now when pre-AlAnon I cried.)